Anger Management

LegacyUser

Ok I'm going unreg for this! I definetly think I have an anger management problem. I have had problems with me shouting and giving out over the last three months. Anything that will stress me out and I will usually end up starting a row with my fiancee who does not deserve it at all what so ever! She is a very understanding person who I LOVE AND ADORE SO SO MUCH MORE THAN EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD AND SHE DOES THE SAME ABOUT ME! I always feel so guilty, terrible and horrible for this and apologise to her for endless hours and days for my actions. She had stood by me through absolutly everrthing crappy that has happened to me over the last three years even when I fell victim to a €5,500 internet fraud she was there for me for every single step of the way. She is an amazing person all round! The thing is that last night the house that I stay in during the college week had a fire in it when I and the lads got home from the night club! The house is completely destroyed with some damage and the landlady is looking into the house insurance to see about it. My Fiancee came down pronto to me and I almost lost the rag with her for no reason at all cause I got myself so stressed out over the whole thing. While I was talking to her one of the lads came barging in and started going on about trying to access my landladys message minder box on her mobile and delete the message I left on her phone to tell her about the fire. I went ape ****e with the poor lad for suggesting this as I was already stressed out and didnt give a toss wether he did this or not! He wanted her mobile number and I didnt have! I gave him such a mouthfull of verbal abuse for which I did apologise and he said to forget about it. Fair enough but I do think I have an anger managment problem and I want to sort it out cause IT'S CAUSING ME HUGE GRIEF AND MAKES FEEL DEPRESSED WHEN I DO IT! There have been many other people who I have just lost it with for no reson. They just push the right button and I go off the wall. PLEASE ANY ADVICE FOR A DESPRATE MAN WHO WANTS TO SORT THIS OUT?

D

I think you need an outlet for that anger/excess energy. I have the same problem, if some little thing annoys me I just grin and bear it till it just builds up and then some little stupid things sets me off. First if something is annoying you then deal with it, obviously in a non-aggressive way. But deffinately find a way to burn all that extra emotion. Vigorous physical activity is great. I know it may sound stupid but next time you get angry count to 10 and smile. The act of smiling itself releases seratonin into your blood stream. You just have to learn to control your temper and to direct it into something constructive.
(Wanna wrestle? )

LegacyUser

Thanks dude I will try that! Any other ideas?

Beruthiel

why not ask your gp to see if he can get you to talk to a professional, there must be somewhere you can go to learn the little tricks required in order to control yourself.
D's suggestion is a good one, sound's to me like you see red and just run with it without thinking. Stop, count to ten and ask yourself if loosing it right now is the way to go in this particular situation, if that doesn't work, see your doctor.

LegacyUser

I am going to try D's idea and see does that make any improvement. Is there anything else that I can also do?

Victor

Stress is a build up of adrenelin - you aren't getting to burn it off.

Some (a) healthy exercise, (b) diet and (c) thinking are what are needed.

(a) Do some physically involved exercise, running, cycling, punch a punch bag. Do not allow yourself get into unhealthy ways of releasing this - shouting at people, violence to people or property.

(b) Cut down on sugars, alcohol, nicotine and whatever recreational drugs you use. Try to stick to a healthy food pyramid (google).

(c) You need to talk out your anger with someone. Your girlfriend or family might be a start but your GP may be able to put you in contact with someone independent. You also need to apologise and explain to people why you have been snapping.

---

How did the fire start?

Red Alert

You need some outlet for your anger. I usually go for long walks up the hill near my house, so i just let out all the energy and come back exhausted. And I usually have had time to mentally simmer down and think about it.

Some people just have naturally snappier tempers overall anyways. I inherited my mum's temper so I need to keep the lid on it.

And just remember,
Think before you speak. Don't shoot first and ask questions later.

LegacyUser

Victor I do eat an awfal pile of sweets everyday and drink a lot of coke, fanta etc. I will try to cut down on these! I never do any physical activity. no running or anything like that! Just walk to college and to town sometimes...

Victor

UNREGGY wrote:

Victor I do eat an awfal pile of sweets everyday and drink a lot of coke, fanta etc.

These give one a temporary buzz that wears off quickly and one ends up "cranky"

rugbug86

take up rugby, helps me release some of my anger...

4Xcut

UNREGGY wrote:

Ok I'm going unreg for this! I definetly think I have an anger management problem. I have had problems with me shouting and giving out over the last three months. Anything that will stress me out and I will usually end up starting a row with my fiancee who does not deserve it at all what so ever! She is a very understanding person who I LOVE AND ADORE SO SO MUCH MORE THAN EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD AND SHE DOES THE SAME ABOUT ME! I always feel so guilty, terrible and horrible for this and apologise to her for endless hours and days for my actions. She had stood by me through absolutly everrthing crappy that has happened to me over the last three years even when I fell victim to a €5,500 internet fraud she was there for me for every single step of the way. She is an amazing person all round! The thing is that last night the house that I stay in during the college week had a fire in it when I and the lads got home from the night club! The house is completely destroyed with some damage and the landlady is looking into the house insurance to see about it. My Fiancee came down pronto to me and I almost lost the rag with her for no reason at all cause I got myself so stressed out over the whole thing. While I was talking to her one of the lads came barging in and started going on about trying to access my landladys message minder box on her mobile and delete the message I left on her phone to tell her about the fire. I went ape ****e with the poor lad for suggesting this as I was already stressed out and didnt give a toss wether he did this or not! He wanted her mobile number and I didnt have! I gave him such a mouthfull of verbal abuse for which I did apologise and he said to forget about it. Fair enough but I do think I have an anger managment problem and I want to sort it out cause IT'S CAUSING ME HUGE GRIEF AND MAKES FEEL DEPRESSED WHEN I DO IT! There have been many other people who I have just lost it with for no reson. They just push the right button and I go off the wall. PLEASE ANY ADVICE FOR A DESPRATE MAN WHO WANTS TO SORT THIS OUT?

Take up some sort of contact martial art it will let out frustration in a controlled enviroment. this always helps me when i fell like decking someone.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the suggestion! It seems like I need to take up some sport so that I can take out my anger in a controlled enviroment! What sort of sport would ye recommend? karattee, kickboxing...?

tomsie100

You get anger because of the way you view the situation.
And how you react to your emontions.
If you interested in spirtuality and how to improve yourself
buddhism could be an answer especially tibetean buddhism.
In a few years you will have none of these behaviours.
Also behavioural psychology will help you change habits.
Excersies is good but it wont stop you having mini explosions of anger.
<snip>

LegacyUser

sorry man defo not interested in budhasim at all! Do you have any links that I could read up on behaverial psychology on?

LegacyUser

Something that does sparring like kickboxing, boxing,wrestling or judo would probably suit best

tinkerbell

Paragraphs are your friend, y'know.

Anyway, try counting to 10 everytime you feel a rage coming on, or else take up some mad sport like kickboxing / like what the above poster said, to try n relieve the tension in ya.

And apologise to your girly.

almostagassi

kickboxing may just enrage you some more. espically a foot to the head. ironically, your rage would be justified. even more ironic, will be that your girlfriend will be fearful of you cause she knows you have the muscle to exercise your rage.

you shouldnt be looking to release your anger. whoever coined this idea should be shot. you merely tame. it


dont kickbox............................ my advice..............................

go for a swim. dont waste money on gym membeship or the stresses of meeting new people.

if you feel really relaxed and forgotten your troubles by the time youve gotten out of the pool, i think you will have found your answer.

i dont think your anger is a problem. i wreckon half of people today act the way you acted. recognising it as a problem is just a marketing scheme to sell valium, massages, psychologists, and the tv programme dr phil.

****if this is your biggest problem. i can tell u u are a lucky man.****

anger is natural. it wards off predators. i wouldnt go near your fiancee or your food.

or do what i do and smoke joints. imagine o'connell st on sat night if everyone smoked instead of drank.

ps avoid alcohol if is it really bothering you.

Victor

UNREGGY wrote:

Thanks for the suggestion! It seems like I need to take up some sport so that I can take out my anger in a controlled enviroment! What sort of sport would ye recommend? karattee, kickboxing...?

Remember you will be humbled (and maybe hobbled) by your trainer in any martial art.

neuro-praxis

I did martial arts and it really helped get my anger out. I only gave it up when I started getting piercings.

Also, playing the drums to a really good rock song makes me feel better.

I also swim and try to eat right. I think you should consider seeing a counseller too - I think everyone should go to counselling for at least a few months of their lives. It helps gain pespective on the self. There's nothing to be ashamed of and you can find counselling that is either free or cheap. These people can give you mechanisms to try to cope when the rage boils up.

Good luck. The fact that you want to change it is half the battle!

LegacyUser

I just wanted to say that it can be really tough on the people involved and who are at the other side of your temper. My boyfriend has more or less the same problem as yours, but his has escalated way out of control. He just loses the head over stupid things - I went out the other night and he was left minding our 6 month old - I was gone 20 mins and I got about 3 phone calls with the baby screaming in the background and he was threatening me and verbally abusing me ( using swear words that I don't think I have ever even heard of before). I left him the next day and he was on the phone repeatedly apologising, crying etc. saying he would never do it again - but I will guarantee you he will lose it again, maybe not today or tomorrow but it will happen.
I would like advice to on how to handle this - also defo go somewhere for your friends, family etc. sake because it is really upsetting & depressing for the people at the other end!!!