Ex of 2yrs keeps calling-how to stop...?

Alana

Basicly exactly what it says on the tin.

Ex and I broke up 2 years ago- I dumped him, do to increasing drug taking, immaturity and we'd grown apart.Initially we got on ok..the calls started when I started to go out with someone else roughly 6 mnths later-who happend to b a lad he didnt like...initially he called my house and my mobile, until my Dad scared him off calling the house, and I banned his number from my phone...we'd been together near to 2 yrs..and he'd now be 20, near 21

However...

Recently I've been getting numerous calls from "private number"s....no talking, heavy breathing...but by noises in the background i know its him-ie music, ppls voices, the times-ie when he'd b in from wrk/doing nothing. I've thought about this long and hard-and I know its him.

usually it used to be after I might have passed him by-"coincidentally"-hmmm-on the street about a half hr b4....now this happend quite rarely, as we as no friends in common-he goes to a different college to me, one which is on the opposite side of Dublin, however we still live with in 5 min walk of each other..

But the odd time I'd get one out of the blue-it doesn't scare me like it did-it annoys me...ok it unsettles me a little...i hate to say it but it does, (i feel like he's winning when i say this...)as it would any girl...seeing him gets me-he looks like the same guy I knew-but he isn't...at all-and it's a bit surreal and strange..

The other thing is-my current bf, who i've been with since-so rougly a yr& half...can get REALLY defensive regarding me and this eejit-and if he knu it'd take a lot of persuasion and restraint on his part for him to not kill the eejit-he turned up to a party that me and my boyf were at and..jesus, it took alot of distracting to calm the boyf down...which is i suppose a fault on his part a lil-and i'm afraid that if he knu this he'd just lose it-particulary since its been so long and theres a history btwn them (obviously if i'v been with my current bf for year plus-im not doing it to get back at my ex-i'v come across that argument b4)

Talking to him is the last thing i want to do-I like him not being involved in my life, my life is good now(bar the odd intrusion)-as this might be giving into what he wants...?But then again getting friends of mine who know him to talk to him seems like taking the easy way out-or that it might encourage him&also needlessly embroil them-no matter how "enthusiastic" they are to help-i duno...

Maybe i'm making a mountain out of a mole hill-but it bothers me-and my moto is if something is broke fix it...

What would you do? talk to him? get someone else to? or view it as a lil annoyance and hope it goes away...? but aftr 2 yrs.... or....any other suggestions....?

billy the squid

You could get your telephone number changed. I know it is an inconvenience but he cannot call you if he doesn't know your number.

you can also either seek, or threaten to seek a harassment order against him. you will have to speak to either a local garda station or citezens information centre with regard to this

kasintahan

I would get weird random noisy/noiseless calls from a mate of mine all the time.

He had me on speed dial and his keys would call me from inside his pocket.

pwd

Alana wrote:

Basicly exactly what it says on the tin.

Ex and I broke up 2 years ago- I dumped him, do to increasing drug taking, immaturity and we'd grown apart.Initially we got on ok..the calls started when I started to go out with someone else roughly 6 mnths later-who happend to b a lad he didnt like...initially he called my house and my mobile, until my Dad scared him off calling the house, and I banned his number from my phone...we'd been together near to 2 yrs..and he'd now be 20, near 21

However...

Recently I've been getting numerous calls from "private number"s....no talking, heavy breathing...but by noises in the background i know its him-ie music, ppls voices, the times-ie when he'd b in from wrk/doing nothing. I've thought about this long and hard-and I know its him.

usually it used to be after I might have passed him by-"coincidentally"-hmmm-on the street about a half hr b4....now this happend quite rarely, as we as no friends in common-he goes to a different college to me, one which is on the opposite side of Dublin, however we still live with in 5 min walk of each other..

But the odd time I'd get one out of the blue-it doesn't scare me like it did-it annoys me...ok it unsettles me a little...i hate to say it but it does, (i feel like he's winning when i say this...)as it would any girl...seeing him gets me-he looks like the same guy I knew-but he isn't...at all-and it's a bit surreal and strange..

The other thing is-my current bf, who i've been with since-so rougly a yr& half...can get REALLY defensive regarding me and this eejit-and if he knu it'd take a lot of persuasion and restraint on his part for him to not kill the eejit-he turned up to a party that me and my boyf were at and..jesus, it took alot of distracting to calm the boyf down...which is i suppose a fault on his part a lil-and i'm afraid that if he knu this he'd just lose it-particulary since its been so long and theres a history btwn them (obviously if i'v been with my current bf for year plus-im not doing it to get back at my ex-i'v come across that argument b4)

Talking to him is the last thing i want to do-I like him not being involved in my life, my life is good now(bar the odd intrusion)-as this might be giving into what he wants...?But then again getting friends of mine who know him to talk to him seems like taking the easy way out-or that it might encourage him&also needlessly embroil them-no matter how "enthusiastic" they are to help-i duno...

Maybe i'm making a mountain out of a mole hill-but it bothers me-and my moto is if something is broke fix it...

What would you do? talk to him? get someone else to? or view it as a lil annoyance and hope it goes away...? but aftr 2 yrs.... or....any other suggestions....?

nope it sounds like a bomb waiting to go off.

It takes two to tango. Refuse to play.

Keep a whistle beside the phone. Next time he calls blow that as hard as you can into his ear. If he calls again do the same thing.

If you see him outside say very loudly to him to go away, stop following you go away please, stop following you. Passers-by will take an interest and he will leave quickly.

You don't sound at all like you are, but for any guys reading this, it is worth keeping in mind that a lot of girls who talk about things like this are creating and encouraging the situation themselves, for attention, or perverted satisfaction. Think critically about things before you go off bullheaded to beat some dude up.

Bri

You can get your number changed for free IIRC upon proof that you are subject to multiple unwanted harrasment/nuisance calls.

BaZmO*

Firstly, fullstops, spaces and capitals are your friends!

With regards to your ex, if you definitely know it's him the next time you get a call state clearly and clamly on the phone that if you get another call that you are going to the Gards.
The Gards and especially your service provider take continuous crank calls very serious and they can trace the call even if a private number comes up.

But the simplest solution is to get your number changed, there would be no problem doing so especially if you tell your service provider about the crank calls. Unless of course you like all the attention that you are getting?

B.

zefer

My Gf had the same problem. Got number changed and calls stopped. Then started ringing work no, threatened with the cops and it soon stopped.
I can see where your BF is coming from, its not a nice feeling knowing that your ex is ringing, even if he knows its not your fault.

Best bet is defo changing your no tbh, I know you shouldn't have to but its the best solution.

Good luck with it

Alana

BaZmO* wrote:

Firstly, fullstops, spaces and capitals are your friends!


But the simplest solution is to get your number changed, there would be no problem doing so especially if you tell your service provider about the crank calls. Unless of course you like all the attention that you are getting?

B.

Right agree on the punctuation malarky.

Why would I like that sort of attention...? Damsl in distress mode, isn't v appealing in my book...this was a last resort looking for "impartial" advice (thank you for your point though)

Thank you for the advice-I'll have a word with the operator-changing my number isn't v appealing-espcly my house phone as I'd not only have to tell all my friends and relatives, but my family would have to inform theres which would draw attention to it even more-which I don't want. However seems like the best option...

WhiteWashMan

get a whistle and big lungful of air, and id also go to the guards first and tell them about it.
keep a diary of the incidents as they happen

stroid

As some of the others have said you can get your number changed free of charge if you are recieving prank calls. I would strongly recommend informing the Gardai if you keep getting the calls despite having told him to stop since it is a type of harassment which is totaly unacceptable. Also if your current boyfriend is getting defensive about you involve him in the 'changing number process' etc to show that you really are serious about not wanting the calls from your ex.

Red Alert

I can understand your current b/f's take on it - he's probably worried that the ex- will turn nasty. The whistle beside the phone seems like the best option, if you ex- really wanted to get your new number it would probably be not be very hard.

micks

couple of things i'd do
first call gards
then contact service providers landline / mobile
take a log of the calls

also get into habit of answering of phone without saying anything ,if a private number,if they dont answer put the phone down and dont hang up. leave it there for a while or put on loudspeaker if you have one

with no attention /reponse he prob wont continue

me personally . i'd return the calls at say 3am ,order him a pizza,taxi or a skip

Dizzyblabla

Don't answer the phone when it's a private number?? I thought that would be the most obvious!

Stench Blossoms

I'd do what micks said.. Don't say hello when you answer private numbers. I wouldnt say dont answer them at all because i know myself that a few of my friends house numbers are ex directory.

Let him waste his credit. When you don't pay him any attention he'll soon the get message... or else change your number

tinkerbell

I quite like the idea of having a trumpet by the phone and blow into it next time he rings

Just make sure it is him, and you don't deafen your current bf / best pal! heh

WhiteWashMan

you could also get an answering machine as well that you can 'screen'.

but keep a diary, and inform the guards.

Our man in Havana

Dizzyblabla wrote:

Don't answer the phone when it's a private number?? I thought that would be the most obvious!

I agree, I have my phone setup to divert all private calls are diverted to voicemail, where the greeting over says "I do not accept calls from private numbers, please leave a message or call back with your number showing." That sorts out all the problems.

Alana

Dizzyblabla wrote:

Don't answer the phone when it's a private number?? I thought that would be the most obvious!

Well my house is private number..so it might just piss the ol parents off if I didnt answer the ol phone...plus i might miss out on a lift from work/uni, which on a day like today would be much appreciated.

Tried the silent thing the last time, seemed to have worked, let him waste the ol cr-not my problem. Whistle not a bad idea...just got to find me one first, and maybe a hunting dog...and a shot gun...If there are any further incidents serious action will be taken

Thanks guys

kasintahan

Would ringing him and explaining to him in simple terms that what he is doing is sad not work?

There's nothing like a calm, rational ,sympathetic voice to disarm one.

stevenotroney

hire a hit man
i know a few good ones:

Beruthiel

stevenotroney wrote:

hire a hit man
i know a few good ones:

steven
I suggest you read this forums charter
consider this your warning
B

kasintahan

Beruthiel wrote:

steven
I suggest you read this forums charter
consider this your warning
B

I think Alana would see the funny side.

BTW : Call him.

Oryx

kasintahan wrote:

I think Alana would see the funny side.

BTW : Call him.

Eeek! I wouldnt call him. Hes trying to stay part of your life, if you call him, maybe it would be what he wants. But you knew the guy and how weird he might be, so its your call.(pardon the pun) He is noone to you now, I would treat him like that, deal with the calls however you would if it was a weirdo you didnt know.

(I had to deal with a dirty caller a few years ago, but I used to react as if I couldnt hear him -hello, hello...- and then hang up. He got bored eventually and stopped wasting his money. It was scary because he always knew what I was wearing, but I reckoned he was a coward and wouldnt have the guts to do anything irl, he never did )

Memnoch

maybe you just have some friends that haven't yet discovered the "key lock" function on their phone?

I've had occasions where people have phoned me accidentally from their friends list with their phone being in their pocket etc, and not having a clue that they did it.

Alana

stevenotroney wrote:

hire a hit man
i know a few good ones:

Hmmm I might just keep it in mind...trying to stay on the right side of the law tho (and boards mods)... Memnoch, I had tried to tell myself that too, as my real name also starts with an A I usually am the first person in someones phone book and it has happend before...but if the phone was in someones pocket, it'd have to be of extraordinary quality for me to hear them breathing ...Thanks tho..

Kasinthan I had considered calling him but I think KatieK has a point, shes been there...and he is only trying to get back in-mhe, he aint worth it. I've bigger things to be worrying about at the moment-what shoes to wear with a certain dress next week( :rolleyes: ever the girl ) , exams (cue twilight zone music) Kasinthan-I wish you the best of luck, and finding a whistle that fits on my key-ring....

Jonny Arson

The best advice you can get is to completely ignore the c*nt. If any calls come ignore him, don't speak, don't get anyone to talk to him or get anyone to sort him out. The guy wants a reaction from you. For whatever reason he wants to get on your nerves and piss you off. By ignoring him, he will get less and less satisfaction from his weird antics and should eventually get bored of what he is doing. If you did something like blow a whistle he would probably enjoy that as he will see that he is the one succeeding by getting a responce from you. My house was recieving prank phone calls all the time from a mystery person and the best medicine was ignoring the loser but......

The problem with your situation is this guy is still phoning you after 2 years. The guy obviously has a few screws loose in the head so you cant take it for granted that he will just go away by ingnoring him. I strongly encourage you to talk to the police. Let them know what your situation is and by alerting them of your problem they will give you advice and what course of action you could take that would be beneficial. Keep a journal of the times and details of all calls you recieve and even when you when you encounter him in the street. If this phone calling consists and you have evidence and times the police can trace the numbers down and eventually screw this pr*ck into the ground. My advice ignore him but let the police know about your situation.

Since you have been brave enough to post your story up hear it shows that you have balls (er well I hope not literally! ) but this pr*ck must be getting to you in some way. Do your best not to let him win. He's a lowlife who is jealous of you. Live your life normally, stay cool and please keep that smile on your face!

Al

memphis

Just don't answer a private number. I never do. If someone doesn't want you to know who they are then they aren't worth speaking to.

This ex of yours is a toss pot, report him to the cops for harrassment, you shouldn't have to put up with this sort of sh!te.