Relationship doubts

LegacyUser

Ok, im in a bit of a mess right now and really need some advice.

Ive been with my girlfriend 4 years now , and for the entire time ive always had a small amount of doubt as to if i truly love her .
She is the most beutifull, caring , lovely person and has become one of my best friends but i still find it so hard to tell her i love her. Im 95% sure i do but the other 5% is so uncertain.

So a couple of days ago i got the courage and talked to her about it, i really really hurt her, i explained my doubts and my fears of those doubts not going away, so we decided to take some time apart so that i can think and try and decide what it is i want.

Since then i cant think , i cant eat , my stomach is in knots and i cant stop crying. I dont know what to do and i dont know if a month apart will tell me.

Some advice would be appreciated .... thanks

Dinxminx

Doubts wrote:

Since then i cant think , i cant eat , my stomach is in knots and i cant stop crying. I dont know what to do and i dont know if a month apart will tell me.

From that part only I would assume that you can't live without her and do, in fact, love her, but just so as to make doubly sure..

Do you miss her?

smileygal

Just tread very carefully, especially as she's very hurt. It's natural for her after hearing that. She will especially be in shock if there was no previous hint of what you were going to say.

Choose words wisely during your 'break' so you don't say something in haste and regret it. and don't go totally silent!

Other than that, ask yourself why you can't eat etc - is it because you actually do love her so much?

Love doesn't grow on trees - don't throw it away if u have it. But at the same time if you doubts have been there for 4 yrs, it's not fair to mislead her or yourself. Age comes into a lot too. Don't know what age you are.

A tough dilemma but at least you didn't tell her a big lie. the truth can hurt but lies can be worse.

Hope it works out and you can start eating soon (it's awful when that happens!)

WhiteWashMan

Doubts wrote:

Ok, im in a bit of a mess right now and really need some advice.

Ive been with my girlfriend 4 years now , and for the entire time ive always had a small amount of doubt as to if i truly love her .
She is the most beutifull, caring , lovely person and has become one of my best friends but i still find it so hard to tell her i love her. Im 95% sure i do but the other 5% is so uncertain.

So a couple of days ago i got the courage and talked to her about it, i really really hurt her, i explained my doubts and my fears of those doubts not going away, so we decided to take some time apart so that i can think and try and decide what it is i want.

Since then i cant think , i cant eat , my stomach is in knots and i cant stop crying. I dont know what to do and i dont know if a month apart will tell me.

Some advice would be appreciated .... thanks

what is your definition of love, and do you think you fall into the catagory....?

Victor

There are always doubts.* It is OK to doubt, it is right to doubt. It is unnecessary obsess over such doubts.

* I'm fairly sure on this one though

OfflerCrocGod

Come on it's obvious you miss her - stop hurting yourself (and her) and just go back to her. You're lucky to have someone; loneliness is a bitch.

Bri

Out of interest were you feeling pressured into requiting the love when she first told you she loved you? I'm presuming she told you first?

stts

In your previous relationships did you have problems telling your girlfriends that you LOVED them?? Maybe you fear saying the magic words? Maybe after 4 years you think you have missed out on something (e.g dating other girls) ?
After 4 years I think it is enough time for you to realise if she is the one for you!!! The fact that you aint eating and crying and stuff says to me that you miss her and are IN LOVE with her.
Take time out and say to yourself " Is this the girl i want to share the rest of my life with?"

Good Luck.

Beruthiel

Doubts wrote:

She is the most beutifull, caring , lovely person and has become one of my best friends but i still find it so hard to tell her i love her. Im 95% sure i do but the other 5% is so uncertain

would you then say that you are 95% happy with her and 5% not?
cos if that is the case, you are one lucky person

OY

There are always doubts.

I agree and if 5% of a doubt is an accurate number, that is not bad at all. It also sounds like that time in a relationship when it is sink or swim. After 4 years i think that it is either it or it isn't.
I know that i went through this before getting married and it is a perfectly normal and terrifying feeling.

I think it is wise that you are thinking about all this but be sure that your actions from here on in are not just born from guilt. You know that you hurt her but try to take this time to be sure of how you feel. There is no better feeling than being sure.

would you then say that you are 95% happy with her and 5% not?
cos if that is the case, you are one lucky person

Nicely said!

Glipmac

I have not had many relationships but when somthing like this comes along for me i tend to way out the pros and cons.

work out what that 5% is, dont just execpt it. at the end of the day only you can say whats wrong, but rememeber your girlfriend will listen just take her to a neutral place (the pub/park any where but either one of your homes) this will be a more relaxed atmosphere so you can talk openly about your feelings.

i came into this forem to ask wheather or not to date my ex, but now looking at what you have said about being together for 4 years i am tempted to say yes i will go back out with her so dont just throw it away like i have did with one of my other ex girlfriends (by the way she wants to KILL ME! (no joke i have had to move))

BUT KNOW THIS IF YOU DO SPLIT UP STAY FRIENDS! she may help you in future relationships

Glipmac :cool:

PullMyFinger!

Beruthiel wrote:

would you then say that you are 95% happy with her and 5% not?
cos if that is the case, you are one lucky person

Well said, I think the best ratio Ive ever got is 70/30 or maybe 80/20. Get her back before you lose her for good.

LegacyUser

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." - Barbara DeAngelis

"Is not absence death to those who love?" - Alexander Pope

Wise words, my friend, wise words...

Also, remember, doubts are almost always down to fear. So what exactly is so scary?

Etain

I tried to post yesterday but there was trouble with boards.ie. Anyway,here goes.
You didn't mention your age. Is she your first long-term, serious girlfriend? Could it be the thought of suddenly being single that upsets you? If you've been together 4 years and aren't sure,then she's the one with some thinking to do. No one wants to feel like their partner just settled for them. Maybe dating others would be good for both of you.

LegacyUser

Im 26 and shes 24 .... it is my first real long term relationship, ive had loads that lasted less than a year. Ive also never told any girl I love them , i find it so hard to say, maybe it was my upbringing or something.

Yes i would say im 95% happy and 5% not , its just that sometimes i get stuck thinking up different situations , like , would i prefer living with the lads for a while and living the single life again , then i think that if im thinking that i must not love her as much as she deserves.

Dinxminx

No, that's not it-- you're just a normal guy!!!