Confused

LegacyUser

hey all, cheers in advance for my reading my story.
i met this lovely girl a couple of weeks ago and from the very moment i met her there was a great connection between us. i met her in a niteclub,went back to hers but nothing happened(no problem there).
a couple of weeks later i got her number and began textn her,we arranged to go to the cinema, meet in town for a drink and that was fine. i tryed to arrange a couple of more night outs but she was unable to attend for reasons such as work etc etc

we then arranged to meet out on nite in a niteclub and that was great-we danced,loads a kisses,held hands, introduced her to all my friends etc etc
at the end of the night we went back to hers where we kissed some more and feel asleep in each others arms. the following morning was great -we laughed,cryed and basically just messed about.

i text her two days after to say that i wanted to chat about 'us' which i now know was a mistake as she text back to say that she didnt want to go out on a date with me but just good friends

my problem lies in the fact that i was sure we were 'going out' but she just wanted to be good friends.

how can two people who get along extremely well, text each other the whole time,hold hands in public, sleep in each others arms, kiss and have a great connection just be friends?

i have plenty of girls who are friends of mine but i wouldnt go to the cinema,kiss them, hold hands etc etc

tinkerbell

It can happen. Perhaps she just doesn't feel a spark between you and her. If there's no spark, then there's no romantic connection, it's just pure friendship.

Beruthiel

A Bit Confused wrote:

my problem lies in the fact that i was sure we were 'going out' but she just wanted to be good friends

a couple of dates does not mean that ye are going out

how can two people who get along extremely well, text each other the whole time,hold hands in public, sleep in each others arms, kiss and have a great connection just be friends?

perhaps she had time to decide that it wasn't for her?
however
none of us in here can really tell you that, why didn't you ask her?

GuanYin

A Bit Confused wrote:

i text her two days after to say that i wanted to chat about 'us' which i now know was a mistake

I'd say thats where it all went wrong.

After 2 days with someone, you dont have an "us".

I'd run a mile myself.

seamus

You never know, she probably just enjoyed the time you spent together, but isn't interested in a relationship.

As far as I can see, you've only met up twice, so at this point, only the groundwork has been laid for a friendship, not a relationship. Go with it. Be a mate of hers, get to know her better. She may come around in time, or you may go off her in time.

Write it off though as just a bit of craic, be her mate, and don't spend your time mulling over what could have been or fawning over her.

Don't let her **** with your head though. If the dancing/kissing/cuddling thing happens every time you meet, and she continues to toe the "I just want to be friends" line, ditch her or you won't know your arse from your elbow in a few weeks.

Beruthiel

psi wrote:

I'd say thats where it all went wrong.

After 2 days with someone, you dont have an "us".

I'd run a mile myself.

agreed
that would have scared the hell out of me

bonzai bob

just sounds like she got scared, it's obvious she likes you, just go with the flow and things will eventually happen

LegacyUser

cheers all for you reply's ,what do you think i should do now, i like been her friend but im not sure that i can continue being it.
im kicking myself for sending that 'us' thing but maybe now i at least know where we stand
any further thoughts?

LegacyUser

?

Tobias Greeshman

Continue being her friend, but if you don't think you can, then remove her from your life. But since you only went out with her twice I can't see this as being an issue. She obviously likes you a little (else she wouldn't of went out with you), in time she might grow to like you more. Just treat her as you would any of your other friends, if its meant to be, it'll happen in time.

cordelia

Maybe I'm just an ol' fashioned kinda girl, but - no - I don't go out with a fella, hold hands, introduce him to my friends, have a snog, spend the night at his house cuddling, and then tell him that we're friends.
She's playin' you, mate. Make no mistake about it. Whether she is doing it consciously or not... who's to say? It could simply be in response to your "us" text, sure, but it's still all headgames. Still equals messed up on yer side of the fence.
If you feel that strongly about her than I would suggest forgetting the "let's be friends" scenario unless you are happy with the idea of remaining there indefinitely. Once a woman puts you in that category we're usually relunctant to let you out of it. Believe me.
Play it cool instead. Don't reply to her texts immediately. Go on with life, go out with friends, see what's out there. She'll either come around when she sees that you are not taking the bait or you've provided her with a dignified exit from the situation.
Whatever you decide, DON'T act desperate. Be relaxed, be cool, be yourself, but don't be her fool...
good luck. It's hard to feel strongly about someone when you know the feeling isn't being reciprocated.

LegacyUser

cheers folks for all yer great advice
any further comments greatly appreciated!!

Bottle_of_Smoke

A Bit Confused wrote:

cheers all for you reply's ,what do you think i should do now, i like been her friend but im not sure that i can continue being it.
im kicking myself for sending that 'us' thing but maybe now i at least know where we stand
any further thoughts?

Stop kicking yourself, you know where you stand now. You mighta got another date\kiss but if she's that dead set on being "friends" you saved yourself some future hardship(which woulda felt much worse too)

bonzai bob wrote:

just sounds like she got scared, it's obvious she likes you, just go with the flow and things will eventually happen

eh no it sounds like she got horny then realised it was going nowhere\found someone else.

If you're happy being friends then do it, personally I'd stay out of her way.

chump

To be fair, if you had have been a little less forward about your thoughts, played a little harder to get, or had a more relaxed attitude in general she'd probably be grovelling at your feet by now.

Girls like to work for their man

MAKE EM

arbeitsscheuer

chump wrote:

Girls like to work for their man

Eh, not all of em - Some do, some don't. I've been playin the "cool, not too involved, but still interested" bloke for a while, and granted, it works most of the time...
But once it turned out to have been a big mistake, and i threw away a girl who was obviously crazy about me. I was crazy bout her too, but was wary of a situation like the OP's, so I played it cool... And lost the girl.

Bottom line, you've gotta be yourself, don't play headgames, it's a mug's game.