Disappointed with college

This isn't that big a problem compared to some but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I didn't like school very much and all my life I've been looking forward to college, the lectures about subjects I actually like, all the free time, meeting loads of interesting people, going out loads, finding a boyfriend (don't laugh, I know it sounds teenybopperish). I was planning to go to a uni in England, one with all the halls on campus, where you eat all your meals in the canteen and everything. I was dying to go there but at the last minute I was pretty much talked into going to college in Dublin, as admittedly it is a much better college and I suppose the main point of it is to get a good degree. When I arrived I was quite disappointed that the halls were pretty far from the campus, there was no real communal area or student bar and also, most of the people on the course lived with their parents.

I wasn't unhappy with it but I just felt like it wasn't what I expected, it was more like a continuation of secondary school, getting up at 7 every day, getting the bus into town, coming back at 5. I'm not a huge party animal but I like going out at least once a week, going to the pub etc and I felt like I had no one to go with. Most of the people in my halls already had friends from home they hung around with and weren't interested in meeting new people, or were in 3rd or 4th year and fed up of going out loads. My friends from college lived with their parents and so weren't living what I would call a typical student lifestyle, they went home for dinner every night and couldn't have mad parties or anything cos of their family. My course was almost all girls so I just didn't meet any guys. Seriously.

So this year it's more of the same. I'm in a flat with 4 random girls (all students) - one of them just hangs around with her friends from back home, one is never here and the other two are really studious and never go out. I've tried joining societies and met a few new people but I never become a regular member cos something always comes up that I can't attend the meetings. I just don't find college or halls a very friendly place, it seems like everyone keeps to themselves. I know this can't be totally true, as a lot of people who started off in my situation have made loads of friends, go out loads etc. I am pretty shy and awkward talking to new people so I think that's a big part of the problem.

I don't really know what the point of this is except to get it off my chest. I'm not unhappy, I have friends at college, I'm doing grand with the course, I like the city OK. I am quite sociable during the day, meeting people for lunch, shopping, hanging around. I'm definitely a LOT happier than I was at secondary school. I just feel like I should be having a lot more fun. I tagged along to a friend of a friends house party once and had a great time, just sitting around drinking and talking. I wish I could do that all the time and I wish my friends would go out a lot more. I often see nights out and shows advertised that I wanna go to but no one will go with me. I know you shouldn't depend on other people for your happiness but to be fair, you can't go out by yourself. Has anyone else had this experience? What can I do?

GreenHell

Hi,
Look college is what you make it, I know that sounds like crap but trust me it is. When I was in first year I was luckly enough to live with 5 other sound people and I'm the worst people ever at meeting new people.
I'm in 3rd year now and you know the last few years have been hot and cold. But I've meet a lot of new people mainly from my course and it's legend. Take a risk girl met people from your course get involved and you'll be a lot happier over the next few years. Its so easy to fall between the cracks and ruin the college experience don't let it happen.

Sleepy

Try going back to the clubs. Most members of college clubs/socs don't make every meeting and all of them want as many as possible there so they'll be more than glad to have even a "part-time" member. Just get yourself out there and you'll meet people.

Life won't always put itself into your lap, sometimes you have to reach out and grab it. I'm living in my 3rd house in 2 years and it's only for the last 4/5 months that I've been myself in Dublin because I finally have flatmates I can do that with.

College can be a great time of your life if you let it. GreenHall is right, you do tend to get out of it what you put into.

the_syco

When I went to college (Carlow), I knew no-one there. After a few months, I went drinking with one or two of them. By the time I left college, I knew a good few people, through soc's, the course, and mates (which I had made their).

Here's what you do;

Find out what what clubs they (class mates) goto on Thursday night. Thursday night is usually the "student night-out".

Go there. Have fun. "Bump" into yor class mates. Unless they hate your guts, or you act like a creep, they won't mind. Next day, talk to them about the night. Hang out with these, as you know they'll go out.

Try socialising with the country folk. Why? Cos they're more likely to be staying in Dublin, away from the parents.

=-=

Also, being a "part-time" member is a "full-time" member. Its college. You get assignments. Sh|t happens. urn up when you can.

Finally, if your away from home, away from friends, you can let your hair down, and be yourself. Lots of people put up an artifical "face", and they only show the "real them", when they're away from family and friends.

WhiteWashMan

by the way, you can go out by yourself. its really easy.
sounds to me like youa re too lazy to make an effort, and want to be entertained by someone else.

sorry. thats just how your post reads.

D

Well I did my degree in UL. Went down by myself knowing no one. Now a year out of there and doing a masters in DCU I can say that it was fantastic. Limerick is such a good student city. The area surrounding the college is almost exclusively students living in cheap accommodation (if you're paying €65 a week then you just haven't looked plus it drops to about €10 during the summer). Everyone was so close by, on a good day you could just walk out the door and there would be parties/bbq and people just out drinking/ playing sport around college or the estates. Fantastic atmosphere especially compared to DCU were not many people hang out on campus and head into town when going out. In limerick you could randomly go to any nite-club and would know about half the people there, or go to "The Lodge"(slodge) and know everyone. It was a nice "family" atmosphere. So I can see why you are disappointed, you propably just lucked out on the people that you have lived with over the years. I wouldn't give up on it though keep going out and socialising.

neuro-praxis

Maybe you could try doing things alone.

I know pubbing and clubbing aren't an option - but theatre, cinema, classical concerts, museums...stuff like that, are great to do alone because you get to choose exactly what you want.

Besides, if you are assertive and doing things, then others will want to join you.

Eoghan-psych

Annalee Tall Tenor wrote:

My friends from college lived with their parents and so weren't living what I would call a typical student lifestyle, they went home for dinner every night and couldn't have mad parties or anything cos of their family. My course was almost all girls so I just didn't meet any guys. Seriously.

Speaking of the "typical student lifestyle" - sounds to me like you, and these people, *are* living the typical student lifestyle. What you *aren't* doing is living the *stereo*typical student lifestyle. And that's a good thing in my experience.

The whole fun fun fun, party party party, WOW type of lifestyle is more a product of movies and TV than daily campus life. Those who do live like that - and there are *far* fewer of them than you might think - are worse off for it.

[EDIT]
Oops, just read this again - should have made myself clearer. By "fun fun fun..." I am referring to to what I believe is neuro's mental picture of what she "should" be doing as a student. Student life is fun, it is enjoyable, and it can involve copious amounts of alcohol - just not as much as many people think.
[/EDIT]

This is a slightly biased sample, but it's illustrative - every single student I know who lived/lives according to the "typical" student lifestyle either has or will end up either with no degree or a poor degree or are diploma students with no end in sight [repeating for about the 4th time]. Every student I know who lived/lives according to the actual typical student lifestyle either has or is on course to earn either a first or good 2:1.

As someone else has said, college is what you make of it - what you need to remember is that it is a *means*, not an end. You aren't going to college in order to be able to enjoy college, you are going to college in order to be able to enjoy the rest of your life. The fun you have in college is merely an added bonus. Try to bear that in mind.

neuro-praxis

Eoghan-psych wrote:

Oops, just read this again - should have made myself clearer. By "fun fun fun..." I am referring to to what I believe is neuro's mental picture of what she "should" be doing as a student. Student life is fun, it is enjoyable, and it can involve copious amounts of alcohol - just not as much as many people think.

Buh?

Eoghan-psych

neuro-praxis wrote:

Buh?

I may well have gotten the wrong impression of what you were expecting college to be like - in which case my post probably doesn't make any sense.

But hey, I'm a psych graduate - I'm not meant to make sense.

neuro-praxis

I am not the original poster.

The original poster is Izzy Wizzy.

I loved college.

Eoghan-psych

neuro-praxis wrote:

I am not the original poster.

The original poster is Izzy Wizzy.

I loved college.

Oops, slip of the eye.

Jonny Arson

Hey. I wouldn't say I'm in an exact similar postion to you with regards college but if you check out my story http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=214479

I'm hating my college experience at the moment. I've got some great advice from people. Even if you can take in one or two things people say then it could help you.

themole

well, my experience of college and meeting people went something like this (elec and computer eng, nuig):

first year-
1st semester - mostly drunk in college bar talking to random strangers, met lots of people in my class this way.
2nd semester -
there was a sense about the place that if you didn't know someone in your classes name (class of elec & elec and computer eng around total 60), then it was akward trying yo talk to them.

second year-
most people admitted if they didn't know your name. i often walked up to people in my class and said, hi i know you have been in my class for the last year, but whats your name, and then introduced myself.


since your in second year, this sort of approach should be fairly acceptable. this is best done in the bar.

as far as parties go, just turn up at any party you hear about that has any sort of chance of you meeting someone you know. i've gone to loads of parties where i knew only one person, or nobody. people usually don't care, as long as you bring your own drink

Kell

In agreement with WWMan. Lifes what you make it (damn- that sounded like a old cheesey song). If you want to be happy, make it so. Go out, chat with everyone you meet (nonchalantly of course) develop plans go out some more (with people this time) college becomes less dissappointing.

What a week- two cheesey clichés in the one post. Pfft.

K-

I should have been more clear in the first post. I know things won't be handed to me and I know you have to make an effort which I try to do. I have met people, I'm doing a languages degree and I make an effort to get to know speakers of those languages, I've befriended a good few Erasmus students etc. I just seem to have got friendly with the people who don't party much and take college quite seriously and therefore we never really get asked to peoples parties and that. We do go out every now and then and its a laugh but I'd just like to do it more often. For example, we were meant to be going out tonight but the plans all fell through. I feel like it's always me making the effort to arrange to go out and do things and the others wouldn't mind sitting at home watching Corrie. WhiteWashMan, do you honestly think its safe for a girl to go out alone? I get approached and harrassed even with friends, just don't feel safe walking around this city after dark and I don't think that's a silly fear either. I do go to art galleries, the cinema and that alone during the day. I am a lot better about doing things alone than the average person, hell I know students in halls that won't walk to Tescos without a friend. It's just at night, you can't really do that.

There are people in college that seem to be a laugh but the thing is I don't really know them. I don't feel like I can just walk up to them and ask if they wanna do something, I mean it would seem a bit strange when I haven't really been in their classes or seen them much. The problem is I just don't know what to say, it's my shyness holding me back all the time.

Also, this is a big one - I have a hard time balancing college and social life. I'm just **** at time management. In the first few months of the first year I was really enjoying myself, I used to just sit around the communal kitchen with the guys from another building in halls talking or watching movies until 5 or 6am. But obviously I couldn't then get up at 7am for class so I started to get behind. I felt like I had to choose college over being sociable. Once I stopped hanging around with these guys every night obviously we grew apart and eventually stopped texting and that. This year I've really tried to make new friends in halls but everyone seems to stick to their own friends. Some of them are just downright rude, not replying to 'hello' in the corridor and that.

I'm going on an Erasmus year to a different college next year so I was hoping to make a new start. It's not that I'm unhappy now, just that I really wanna get better at meeting people and go out more.

WhiteWashMan

sorry, i wasnt saying that i think you should go out and hang around street corners etc, but you can actually go out to arranged functions etc. anyway, its up to you.

but really, i cant see what your problem really is. you are unhappy with your friends not being exciting enough?
you want to go out more?
what exactly do you want.


you say you ahve friends and they are fine, you just seem to want something else.

again, it seems as if you want to be entertained by other people.

simu

Your experience of college sounds like mine, Annalee Tall Tenor - it's not quite the crazy place they make it out to be to schoolkids. Your Erasmus year should be fun though - I did one too and it was the closest one to the "partying and getting into wild situations" stereotype.

Esel

WhiteWashMan wrote:

sorry, i wasnt saying that i think you should go out and hang around street corners etc, but you can actually go out to arranged functions etc. anyway, its up to you.

but really, i cant see what your problem really is. you are unhappy with your friends not being exciting enough?
you want to go out more?
what exactly do you want.


you say you ahve friends and they are fine, you just seem to want something else.

again, it seems as if you want to be entertained by other people.

Izzy - pay almost no attention to cynics - >11K lights on, but almost nobody home!

Sounds to me like you are doing well, even though you might not think so at the moment. "Don't party *too* hearty".

D

Eoghan-psych wrote:

Speaking of the "typical student lifestyle" - sounds to me like you, and these people, *are* living the typical student lifestyle. What you *aren't* doing is living the *stereo*typical student lifestyle. And that's a good thing in my experience.

I don't agree with that at all I had what you called a "*stereo*typical student lifestyle" but I didn't neglect my study. Maybe where you study really does matter as it just easier to have a good time in Limerick (as opposed to DCU) as everything/one was within walking distance and there was such a good buzz on campus. I'm not the only one either other people that had a really good time at college came out with good degrees (couple of 1.1s there) and I don't think that we were anyway exceptional as there are loads of UL expats in DCU doing masters who think the same way.

WhiteWashMan

esel wrote:

Izzy - pay almost no attention to cynics - >11K lights on, but almost nobody home!

Sounds to me like you are doing well, even though you might not think so at the moment. "Don't party *too* hearty".

lol.
read: i dont agree with him, so my advice is you should ignore him.

Rozie

I know how you feel. It got better for me after a few months, with some occasional low points, then second year was a pile of **** for me. I did so well in first year, now I had to get retrospective I-Grades to have a chance at passing the year.

rainbow kirby

Rozie wrote:

then second year was a pile of **** for me. I did so well in first year, now I had to get retrospective I-Grades to have a chance at passing the year.

Me too. I got a string of firsts in 1st year and I loved my course. Then in 2nd year, college started to really kick me in the arse and I failed my summer exams. Now in 3rd year I hate my course even more. I'll get down on my knees and thank every deity known to mankind if I pass my summer exams.