Sex problems

LegacyUser

Hello,
I've a bit of a problem. My girlfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time the other night. I'm a virgin and she isn't. It proved to be very difficult, but we both sort of knew that in advance so we were able to laugh about it and stuff. Anyway, the problem was that I wasn't able to keep an erection, at least, not one stiff enough for penetration. We managed to do it for about a minute, but I lost it... I think it was partly due to me being very nervous and also couldn't get comfortable at all (supporting myself over her on my arms KILLS). The condom didn't help much either; I couldn't feel much with it (an extra safe one).

I'm curious if anyone could give me some advice on the matter. What should I do to help my erection problems? Is there something I could buy over the counter in a pharmacy perhaps? She says it'll take a few tries before I 'get' it, which is fine because I knew I wasn't going to be great, but I'd still like to be able to make a decent effort!

So any advice would be really appreciated. Maybe you could tell me about some mishaps of your own first times too.

AngelofFire

The problem there is nerves, the best thing to do in that situation is relax. Also try getting into a position that you are both comportable with, its very difficult when lying on top of a girl. getting her to sit on top of you but facing the opposite direction is always the easiest, and get her to 'guide it in' for you if you know what i mean.

seamus

notstiffenough wrote:

She says it'll take a few tries before I 'get' it, which is fine because I knew I wasn't going to be great, but I'd still like to be able to make a decent effort!

She's dead right, it will take a few goes before you get used to it. The first couple of times it's uncomfortable, weird, and doesn't feel at all sexy. Missionary-position sex isn't something that comes naturally to most people (we should be doing it doggystyle like the rest of the primates), and it's a matter of co-ordination and balance that your body has never practised. Give it some practice

Try a normal condom. Extra safe condoms are extra safe because they're slightly thicker, and can completely deaden the experience for many people.

Uthur

Keep trying lad, it's just beginner's nerves - we've all been there :eek:

I bet you'll do fine the next time :-)

Some advice: I suggest fooling around with her some more, without going for
full sex, until you feel relaxed being naked etc with her.

just my 0.2c.

Altheus

The first time I had sex with my girlfriend I couldnt even get an erection. I nearly cried. I had to ask her to leave the room to get my barings...

Half a bottle of Jameson, and a lot of foreplay later..... and it was the greatest night of my life.

*no erectile dysfunction since said time*

Shrimp

"my g/f couldnt even get an erection."

Doesn't make much sense, ah well i got the jist of it.

You say you've got errection problems, what about the times when you are trying to get it up, but not with her around?

hada

Pure nerves my good friend.

Follow the advice previously posted, and ease yourself into it. Fool around for a bit, so both of ye will be sufficiently "warmed up"..

(this all reminds me of a very funny story:...friend of mine, his first time with a girl that was staying in his college apartment, anyway, at about half three in the morning, 6 of us who had been out all decided to rush into the room where the two of them were being "intimate". Anyway we burst into the room, and he and his lady friend are going at it like two rabbits. What does our man do?? He just turns his head around to us slowly, stops what he was doing completely (he was still on top of her at this time), and whilee still trying to catch his breathe, happy as larry, asks us and I quote "what's *heavy breating* the craic *heavy breathing* lads??")

So basically, in a most round about way, what I'm trying to say is, everything will be grand once you relax! (but not too relaxed!!)

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies so far, I'm glad to know that it's something common for beginners.

Hmmm, about my erection... well, I've got them no problem both by myself and when we did other things like oral sex. However, it appeared that the only time it successfully went into her vagina was when it was rock hard, not just hard... and it was sooo hard keeping it like that, so it eventually just slipped out and went soft again

I'm actually at ease with her. She's very cool and told me in advance that it was going to be funny, and that a bit of practise is required. Still though, I'd like to know how I can keep a sufficient erection and at least keep it until once of us orgasms (and by that, it's more than likely going to be me). It seems sooo difficult.

I was thinking of trying Viagra, but I'd be a bit embarrassed getting a prescription from my family doctor, I'm still quite young and I'm hoping I'd only need it the first few times anyway.

Zombrex

notstiffenough wrote:

So any advice would be really appreciated. Maybe you could tell me about some mishaps of your own first times too.

I wouldn't worry about it, you probably were too nervous to get turned on. Not really your fault, if you ain't turned on you ain't turned on. Maybe next time, if your girlfriend knows a bit more about what she is doing, lie back and let her ...er... arouse you Bit of kissing here, bit of stroking there and you will be fine.

Enjoy it while it lasts, cause as soon as you are up to it then you have to start worrying about pleasing her .. you think you got problems now!! :eek:

Zillah

Its about evolution.

If your thinking "I'm nervous and scared and uncomfortable" your brain replies "Well this is no time for SEX!" It's a matter of feeling comfortable. You must relax.

seamus

notstiffenough wrote:

I was thinking of trying Viagra, but I'd be a bit embarrassed getting a prescription from my family doctor, I'm still quite young and I'm hoping I'd only need it the first few times anyway.

You don't need it.

Viagra isn't a sex aid, it can actually degrade your ability to sustain an erection when you stop taking it.

Sleepy

have a couple of drinks first. Don't get **** faced, just have a few to take the edge off your nerves. You'll be fine

Nasty_Girl

Could always be worse hon,
here's a girly perspective
My first attempt hurt so much (because I tensed) that I screamed and punched my poor boyfriend. The poor young fella got the shock of his life but here we are a year later still together

Ava Adore

Well dude, my advice is to just relax, and think about your wildest fantasies maybe and share them with her Use girlies ain't as naive as some may make out teheee.Also...try watching some softcore porn!..hardcore may be a bit of a turn off to your lady cuz I know I don't like it. Personally I find it hard to keep myself 'turned on somtimes' so sometimes myself and my bf watch a little lesbian porn..muaha, it drives me crazy !..The more turned on she is the more comfortable and turned on you may be And jaysus, just laugh about it, afterall what you're doing isin't exactly the most attractive looking thing on the planet, apart from in pornos obviously, there will be sounds and body parts flying around...just have a giggle.


and maybe a drink

LegacyUser

The strange thing is, I'm completely at ease with her... but I could tell I was nervous (even though I didn't have the mental state of it) because I remember my hands were shaking when I was ripping open the condom.

I'll try some beer, I guess. Still though, is there anything from a chemist, maybe even herbal, that would put me at ease?

Oh, by the way, there was lots of foreplay, and I had no problem getting an erection then. The problem was keeping it while we both try to get it in her...

*Page*

Let her be in control. she has experience and let her teach you! my past(3yrs ago) bf had been a virgin and had the same problem it was fine we talked and i decided the next time he was aroused to take action and it helped(it didn't last long but i was so happy that he enjoyed it)

do try the drinking thing please! drinking and sex it great fun but not for the first few times. you need to become a little more sure of yourself.

ask her to get on top. if you dont last long its ok this isn't always a problem there are other ways to make a girl SCREAM!

Seraphina

dont worry about it, i'd say most of the girls have been there before, i know i have. its perfectly understandable, so dont get embarrassed or anything, you'll just feel worse.
dont bother trying to find anything to help, it'll work in time by itself, and trying to force it will only make it worse. all you need is plenty of practice

WhiteWashMan

op:

dont worry about it dude. it happens, apparently....

Ferror

Extra safe are really awful (far to desensitising imho), i'd say invest in something a little less deadening (i.e. thinner) and try your luck once again

However nerves may still be an issue, just remember the cliché; practise makes perfect

secret_squirrel

notstiffenough wrote:

I'll try some beer,

Just remember too much beer will have the wrong effect. Forget herbal 'remedies' or viagra - they will just make a short term problem a long term one.

Dinxminx

If it helps at all girls dont have it all that easy either; sometimes I'm so tight I hurt my boyfriend coz he's so big. He hates missionary as well. His favourite is doggy style because it turns him on to see what's happening-- maybe you should try it?
Let us know how you get on!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the feedback guys. We're going to try again this Saturday. This time it'll be after a night date, a few drinks, and we're going to use Durex Featherlite condoms.

I have a feeling this time won't be that much better though. Is there anything I can do to keep my erection when trying to find exactly how to get it in... that was by far the biggest problem... her opening is so small and I'm larger by width... it wasn't painful for either of us, just extremely difficult to get it in

TerrorFirmer

If its just out of plain shyness or nerves, you dont need drinks, just some time to get to know each other intimately better.

As for any advice on how to make it go better, maybe give yourself the chance to excite yourself manually while you kiss or whatever, its much easier that way as you don't feel under pressure to get it up in front of her and should find it much easier to reach your full potential this way until you get more comfortable together.

Once you are "excited", get her to be on top, easiest way to get it in.

And once its in, it should stay in and stay...."excited"...lol

Best of luck, let us know how it goes

seamus

notstiffenough wrote:

I have a feeling this time won't be that much better though. Is there anything I can do to keep my erection when trying to find exactly how to get it in... that was by far the biggest problem... her opening is so small and I'm larger by width... it wasn't painful for either of us, just extremely difficult to get it in

Unless you're going doggystyle, ask her to guide it in, or ask her to go on top.

LegacyUser

Cheers...

This might sound a little sad... but could somebody point me to a website where I could find a kind of 'guide' with images for these sexual positions... I know that must sound silly to some people, but the only other thing I could think of is watching a porno... although that wouldn't really explain anything...

LegacyUser

Same thing happenin me at the moment ...with a really hot chick with a high sex drive ...but mr big wont stand to attention ..nightmare ! she keeps blowing me tho for consolation so there is a silver lining :-D

You coud try a 'Cock ring' ...little rubber ring u slip on when u have a stiffy and its meant to keep you hard ..( i think )available from sex shops ..( I think)

or u could try repeating a mantra ...'' Strong Like Bull !''

Stay away from the extra strength condoms ...some of them have a lubricant that promises to 'keep you going for longer' but really just numbs ur dick and makes it floppier! e.g. Durex performa ...try durex gossamer in the green box they're good.

I'm off to the GP to try some viagra ..heard its great.fingers crossed I dont get a heart attack.

....Well I am 68 after all.