Being female and having alcohol problem

LegacyUser

(I was going to post in the other current thread about alcohol - "the demon drink". But decided to start another thread with something that is relevant to my own situation, and I think everything that's needed to be said on that thread has already been said. And some of the replies and advice given have also been relevant to me, and given me food for thought).

My main issue, as the thread title indicates is about the fact that I am female with an addiction to alcohol. I think that there is more of a stigma attached to people with alcohol/drug issues who are female.

I'm in my late twenties and am at the point where it's wake up time "get busy living, or get busy dying" time, and I've decided that I MUST take some serious steps to change my habits, look at my life, learn more about myself, take care of myself etc. Am definitely going to go to counceling(as soon as I can afford it). Also need to see a GP to get my organs(which are well on the way to being f""""d)checked - hopefully it's not already too late..

I really don't believe that I am a complete alcoholic, I began quite innocently and then it gradually, yet all too quickly became a crutch for feeling bored/depressed/upset. It's now "normal" for me to drink every night, usually at home and on my own.
I know that I just need to summon the self-respect etc to give it up altogether for a month or so, and break what has become a sinister habit that I know is doing real damage to my mental and physical health. I basically know what I have to do(have new hobbies and habits in mind etc, so am not necessarily looking for advice on this.)
Would just like to hear what people think of females with a problem with alcohol.

With men(in general), it's a different experience. It is not unusual, no eyebrows raised for a man to go to a bar and sit on his own for hours and have a few drinks. And less eyebrows are raised if a man comes into work with bloodshot eyes/pallour etc as a result of being on the piss the night before - even if they drink a lot on a daily basis, it's more "acceptable" for a man, for want of a better word.

Would really appreciate replies on other peoples thoughts/experiences.
:}

Victor

You've made a start by posting here. If you can't afford counselling, I'm sure there are plenty of alcohol support groups around.

http://indigo.ie/~ala/

This is only an example http://www.nwhb.ie/files/healthpromotion/topics/alcohol.shtml

http://www.google.ie/search?hl=en&q=alcoholics+anonymous&meta=cr%3DcountryIE

Blub2k4

stupidgirl wrote:

Would just like to hear what people think of females with a problem with alcohol.

With men(in general), it's a different experience. It is not unusual, no eyebrows raised for a man to go to a bar and sit on his own for hours and have a few drinks. And less eyebrows are raised if a man comes into work with bloodshot eyes/pallour etc as a result of being on the piss the night before - even if they drink a lot on a daily basis, it's more "acceptable" for a man, for want of a better word.

Would really appreciate replies on other peoples thoughts/experiences.
:}

There is a certain stigma attached to any addiction but I dont distinguish along sex lines myself, if you have a problem then you have a problem.
The whole heroic thing with regard to drinking is an interesting Irish phenomenon that goes back to (yes it was the brits) the taxing of whiskey in Ireland by the British occupiers. As a result of this taxation Poitin became a large business with the side effect that if you drank a lot you were considered a patriot as you were "getting one up on" the brits, I sh*t you not. As a result many Irish (male) heroes drank themselves to death and were considered great patriots, women did not have this status and as a result we have the situation where women dont have the dispensation that men do and are just heavy drinkers.
It seems to me to be a uniquely Irish phenomenon and it is on the way out "big time" as Ireland springs into the 21st century. Dont worry about the stigma, worry about your health first, people will understand if you put it to them that you either did nothing for appearances sake so no one would know of your weakness, or you took control of your life again and moved on for your healths sake. All the best with your struggles, hope you are ok in the end.

Beruthiel

OP
would you not consider going to AA?

qwertyphobia

look around at the different AA meetings.

They are not all the same some can have a bit of a macho culture about them wallowing in past tales of how bad they where. Others are more focused on moving on and some would have more women or young people then others.

So don't just go to one get freaked and say it's not for you find one that best suits you. Thats mainly a matter of personal choice but PM me if you want some names of what maybe more suitable meetings

IANOC

well you certainly are not the only one and IMHO definately not the worst
but it is all to do with how you feel and if you WANT to stop completely or just cut down.
either way all you need to worry about is if you are indeed doing damage to your liver/organs
first thing would be to go to your GP and give him/her the lowdown and get a full checkup.
in ireland nowadys its quite normal for everyday/regular drinkers but as you said it is different for females but dont feel bad about what you do just make sure you are not doing damage
hope it all works out for you
regards
ian

Raz

Alcoholism is something I've never really understood. I don't like the taste of it. You get the same clawing taste in the back of your throat with every one of them.
Is it the taste you crave or is it more that you don't feel comfortable without a drink in your hand?
The only drink I've ever really enjoyed is Malibu with milk (shaken!). It's a drink that doesn't leave you smacking your lips wanting more like most of those alcopops and other drinks mixed with coke or the like. It's also tough to drink in it's own right because I don't think I've once ordered it without somebody saying something along the lines of "does the baby want a bottle" or some other crap like that.

What is the situation like when you go out for the evening with friends? Is it a situation where everyone is buying drinks with a "get that into ya" attitude and buying shots etc. or is it more sedate where you're just chatting about life, the universe and everything?
I find the quite drinks much more enjoyable and there's no pressure to knock back as many drinks as you can.

Personally I'm of the opinion that the Irish drink culture is one of the greastest disgraces of our society. Instead of going somewhere that might breed a bit of culture (play, musical, weekend away with your partner/close friends, that kind of thing) most Irish 20 somethings go to the pub and spend more than 10% of their monthly wage.

It doesn't matter whether you're a man or woman, if you're walking home at night and can hardly stand even though you're friend is supporting you and you stop to throw up in the gutter while passers-by gingerly step around the run off, you're disgracing yourself. If you're single you can bet that not one person walking by will be thinking good things. Some may be sympathetic but then I wouldn't consider that a good thing either.

LegacyUser

Raz wrote:

Is it the taste you crave or is it more that you don't feel comfortable without a drink in your hand?

It's neither, its the lovely warm comforting blanket it provides, it also makes the real world less real which is great if you have problems you don't want to face

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote:

OP
would you not consider going to AA?

I did attend once a good few years ago but didn't benefit. It was quite an impulsive decison at the time . When I arrived for the meeting I was hungover and when someone asked me to speak which I didn't decline, I made a complete fool of myself by becoming overcome with emotion in front of a bunch of complete strangers. They were all older than me and their stories were that they kinda waited till middle-age or later/major writing on the wall to address their problem. Plus, I wasn't into the relgious/god stuff. I'm not a complete atheist myself or anything, but that **** just doesn't sit well with me, the chanting of prayers, reminds me of the very shallow experience of attending mass when I was a kid.

Blub2k4

stupidgirl wrote:

I did attend once a good few years ago but didn't benefit. It was quite an impulsive decison at the time . When I arrived for the meeting I was hungover and when someone asked me to speak which I didn't decline, I made a complete fool of myself by becoming overcome with emotion in front of a bunch of complete strangers. They were all older than me and their stories were that they kinda waited till middle-age or later/major writing on the wall to address their problem. Plus, I wasn't into the relgious/god stuff. I'm not a complete atheist myself or anything, but that **** just doesn't sit well with me, the chanting of prayers, reminds me of the very shallow experience of attending mass when I was a kid.

It is a pity that the AA/NA and all the other groups have the religious thing, it put me right off NA too all those years back.
Talk to your GP about possibilities apart from AA, if you dont do the god thing then you are gonna fall at the first of the twelve steps.

nesf

Blub2k4 wrote:

It is a pity that the AA/NA and all the other groups have the religious thing, it put me right off NA too all those years back.
Talk to your GP about possibilities apart from AA, if you dont do the god thing then you are gonna fall at the first of the twelve steps.

Yeah I was shocked when I learned that religion played such a central role in the AA. I've always been someone who feels that religion is a very personal thing, and not something that lends itself well to group activities.

That said there are alot of alternatives to the AA. Some of them better than the AA, just not as well known or publicised. Your GP is definitely the best place to start. A quick refferal to a counciller trained in the area, or possibly to an alcohol support group which has nothing to do with religion, might be great starting places for you.

Whatever happens, best of luck

aidan01

i can help you if u like
send me a private message and ill reply to you there

Beruthiel

aidan
banned for not reading the charter
B

abccormac

With AA all you have to do is accept that there is some higher power in the universe. It doesn't have to be the ctholic idea of God, or anything like it.

I made a complete fool of myself by becoming overcome with emotion in front of a bunch of complete strangers

Everybody in the room had been through the exact same experience.

Blub2k4

abccormac wrote:

With AA all you have to do is accept that there is some higher power in the universe. It doesn't have to be the ctholic idea of God, or anything like it.


Everybody in the room had been through the exact same experience.

Same idea and in reality with the payer etc it is very catholic.

Gilgamesh

Blub2k4 wrote:

Same idea and in reality with the payer etc it is very catholic.

I agree with this.
I don't know, are there any other approaches to the whle AA thing except for believing in a hgher power, e.g. believing in yourself?

LegacyUser

hi,
read your post (stupidgirl) and it was like reading a diary. same boat, late 20s, female, gradual descent, drinking alone most nights, can't afford therapy yet, trying to work up courage to visit GP but afraid i may have done serious damage to myself already.. have you read allen carr 's book how to control alcohol? although it didn't work long term it helped me stay off for three weeks recently.

Victor

guest1 wrote:

trying to work up courage to visit GP but afraid i may have done serious damage to myself already.

Whats to be afraid of going to your GP? The worst part of many problems is not knowing. "Not knowing" doesn't have a size to it, we can't judge it to be a serious problem or not. Finding out puts a size on the problem and it makes things much easier to address if you know what the problem is, rather than allowing your imagination run wild.

LegacyUser

guest1 wrote:

have you read allen carr 's book how to control alcohol? although it didn't work long term it helped me stay off for three weeks recently.

And therein lies one of the root problems of AlcoholISM. Think of it as an "incredibly short memory" . While there are other metthods of adressing the disease the only really long term proven treatment is regular attendence at AA meetings. Sure there are other wonderful programs out there that bring you on a great "voyage of self discovery", hone your self-disciplene etc... But the problem for a person who is truly alcoholic is that taken out of that environment they invariably return to their old patterns. Although AA meetings may be boring and the same stories regurgitated over and over it has the effect of reminding you what you were like.
True the GOD thing is often over enthusiastically pushed at times but usually by people not long around at meetings themselves. My advice is as some others have said, try a few meetings, get to know a few of the "old timers" who have been around a number of days and have gone through the many experiences and remember that although some of the people may sound "off the wall" they are there trying to get well.

smileygal

To the OP, one-to-one counselling might be better than group meeting,as possibly less intimidating. You might have to do a lot of searching but there could be free counselling available through a charity or local Institute of Technology Counselling Dept. That could get you off the ground and save you some euros for doctor/etc.

Re being a female with an alcohol problem, the only major difference in attitude would be regarding pregnancy and how dangerous it is to a foetus to be subjected to alcohol in the womb, which is just not fair to the baby.

The main thing is that you are making a concious effort to change and to look after yourself. Health is priceless. I hope everything goes well with the 'new you' changes.