advice wanted

mungo77

ok, where to start? well i have been going out wit a girl for three and half years, we just broke up. within the first few weeks of our relationship she was wit sum fella, i found out about a month later and she told me a hundred lies tryin to deny it until i showed her how i knew then she admitted to it. i brike up wit her but she kept ringin me for weeks and weeks beggin me to take her back which i did but i told her id never trust her again after all the lies she told me. so for the next two tears she bearly ever went out so id trust her, while i went out alot and when i was out i was wit alot of girls over the two years but always told myself it was alright cos she did it to me. i really treated her badly. ive known her since i was 11 and we liked each other then. she lives right beside me so we were always together. all the time. then, last christmas i was workin in a bar and she came in, she was really drunk, then i saw her chattin to the d.j and dancin mad sexily at him , kinda lurin him on. i hated her for that. i left college and went workin on the sites in dublin and didnt talk to her at all. she was cryin evernight tryin to talk to me and i didnt care. we finally broke up in february and a week later i heard how she was wit anoter fella. this killed me. i knew i could have her back if i wanted to so i did. everythingwas brilliant, i started treatin way better and never enen thought bout doin the dirt. then last week i seen her phone and she was still txtn the fella she was wit when we finished so i broke up wit her again. i cant eat, sleep, work nothin without her but i just dont wanna take the chance of gettin hurt again and again. i know she really loves me and i love her. what do i do? leave it of for good? or get back wit her?

TerrorFirmer

You need to talk things over. I know this sounds totally obvious but you seriously do. You need to both commit, and make it clear that it will NOT work if both of you are messing about elsewhere - remember, what goes around, comes around.

Tell her if she wants you, that she has to either prove it and start showing it, or take a hike, for good. That said, was she doing anything wrong? It seems to me that you are just as bad, if not worse.

If its really what you want, explain to her that you want things to work out for just the two of you and you dont want anyone else involved in the relationship - and that should go for both of you.

If you love her, why did you, in your own words, go off with alot of other girls? and then get angry at here merely for talking to someone else? Switch positions - imagine it was you that was begging and begging her, and she was off doing the dirt on you? And then she got angry at you for texting another woman?

If you expect the girl to be faithful to just you while your off having a good time you're foolish.

You really need to ask yourself what your priorities are.

whiskeyman

sounds like neither of yee have the true commitment to really love each other. You both went behind each others backs, and couldnt trust each other, no matter how much you think you need each other.
I'd honest say leave it and take time to look at your own situation in life.
Look after yourself... eat well, sleep well - make sure you're ok and happy with your own life.
Without this, you're likely to make rash decisions which you may regret.
Because you knew her for so long and live so near is making it harder by the sound of it.
I hope something good comes out of it mate...

Canis Lupus

So she loves you but cheats on you (altho only once according to yur post).
You love her but cheat on her (regularly it seems according to yur post and somehow justifiable because she cheated on you once?).

What sort of a relationship are u expecting if u get back with her?

Risking the mods wrath here but grow up a little and realise that relationships tend to be monogamous and cheating is not on to say the least. If you think u can learn that AND trust your girlfriend to do the same then hell, get back together again but only if you and her are prepared to stick with each other OR could handle an "open" relationship.

Mercury_Tilt

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Canis Lupus

He points out he "left college" So we can assume he is 20ish (yeah yeah yeah still young but also old enough to know better) and by his post would like to consider himself old enough to have a relationship.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Gordon

Merc I know you like being banned from PI

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

The_Conductor

To the original poster- I'm not going to go into details, as I'd rather not be murdered, but you have to first of all- have a serious discussion- with yourself, not with your erstwhile girlfriend, as to what *you* want to do. Are you suggesting to yourself that you go back to your girlfriend, out of convenience? Because its the easy thing to do? Its far easier to fall back into the old ways- than it is to move on?

But then again- you have quite a lot of history- you have given us highlights- not nice highlights, but surely there were a lot of good times too? Think over all the aspects of the relationship- is this something you want to repair.

If you do decide that you do want to get back together- for crying out loud enroll in a relationship counselling course- even the basic catholic premarriage course would be of use- but get some help- you sound like you need it.

To Gordon- think Merc is in a weird humour..... I'm still trying to stop sneezing....

I am MAN

How can you even call that a relationship?

I would call that anbsolute joke to be honest.

mungo77

would it be stupid to ring her up and tell her bout every single girl that i rode while i was goin out with her. least then if we did get back id have nothin to hide. the sex was so good, like, only that kinda sex that ya can have wit someone ya intimitly know and can do anything around them and try anything. ive had sex with alot of other girls and never really thought much of it, basically they were ****. so if i dont get back i miss out on a ride whenever i want it and whenever i do get it, it wont even be that good?

pwd

not stupid.tell her exactly what you said there.

Webmonkey

yeah do.

NeMiSiS

Aint easy.. walk away for a while. End of the day, yer yerself.. you aint you with someone else if you dig what I'm saying.. I was in this kinda situation .. we went out for ages.. did the dirt on each other really missed each other allways ended up back in bed..

Then.. I walked away mate.. now I couldn't care less about her. I'm think you miss great sex.. not the person. But.. there's a hell of alot of girls out there to get into bed.. and you can bet yer ass.. one will push yer buttons like she did.. even not a bit better.

Walk away, chill out , see what the **** happens.
TK

tinkerbell

To be honest, I'm not surprised in the least that this "relationship" ended, or whatever you can call it. Her cheating on you was bad enough but why did you have to stoop to her level and cheat on her throughout the time ye were going out? In fact, what you did is probably worse considering you did it so many times.

The solution to her cheating once is not you cheating on her fifty million times. She had to stay in the whole time while you went off with everything that has a pulse?

And you say that a week after ye broke up, she was with someone else. Well, ah, you can't exactly throw stones either now, can you - considering you cheated throughout the entire relationship.

To put it really blunt - she doesn't give a crap about you, you don't give a crap about her. So get over it, move on, and find someone that you ain't gonna cheat on every minute of the week.

LegacyUser

mungo77 wrote:

ok, where to start? well i have been going out wit a girl for three and half years, we just broke up. within the first few weeks of our relationship she was wit sum fella, i found out about a month later and she told me a hundred lies tryin to deny it until i showed her how i knew then she admitted to it. i brike up wit her but she kept ringin me for weeks and weeks beggin me to take her back which i did but i told her id never trust her again after all the lies she told me. so for the next two tears she bearly ever went out so id trust her, while i went out alot and when i was out i was wit alot of girls over the two years but always told myself it was alright cos she did it to me. i really treated her badly. ive known her since i was 11 and we liked each other then. she lives right beside me so we were always together. all the time. then, last christmas i was workin in a bar and she came in, she was really drunk, then i saw her chattin to the d.j and dancin mad sexily at him , kinda lurin him on. i hated her for that. i left college and went workin on the sites in dublin and didnt talk to her at all. she was cryin evernight tryin to talk to me and i didnt care. we finally broke up in february and a week later i heard how she was wit anoter fella. this killed me. i knew i could have her back if i wanted to so i did. everythingwas brilliant, i started treatin way better and never enen thought bout doin the dirt. then last week i seen her phone and she was still txtn the fella she was wit when we finished so i broke up wit her again. i cant eat, sleep, work nothin without her but i just dont wanna take the chance of gettin hurt again and again. i know she really loves me and i love her. what do i do? leave it of for good? or get back wit her?

well tell her that you love her and ask her if she loves you and if she says yes then ask her to end it wit him

The_Conductor

While honesty may be the best policy- do you really think that telling her every little detail is somehow going to absolve you of any guilt in her eyes? Cop on. If you really want to try to make this work- be reasonable- think about things from her side too. Don't lie to her, but there is no need to gut her with all the gorey details of your past conquests either.......

koneko

Just out of interest, did anyone else read the OP's other posts?

bonzai bob

lost cause tbh

bonzai bob

koneko wrote:

Just out of interest, did anyone else read the OP's other posts?

mmmm, i don't think he's a troll, maybe an optimist?

tinkerbell

I only saw his other posts after I'd replied.

Tbh, I'd say if he's posting polls on After Hours asking "is it easy to score in Ibiza" (with reference to anal), then he ain't too bothered about anyone's advice.

WhiteWashMan

i think the OP should try man secks.
just give it a go.
you might like it.

if thats not your cup of tea, then perhaps you might want to ask her why she keeps in contact with the other chap. and then try to get some grammar lessons.

kittenkiller

Leave each other alone for a full year & see by the end of it if you're still bothered with her.
If so commit fully & leave all the other slappers out there alone & just stick to your one!

Imo anyone who cheats on someone they *claim* to care about is total scum!!!

LoneGunM@n

mungo77 wrote:

so if i dont get back i miss out on a ride whenever i want it and whenever i do get it, it wont even be that good?

I know you "say" you love her, but it sounds to me from the above quote that all you want is a guaranteed bootie-call!!

Plus, from reading your initial post I think that your feelings for your ex are more to do with possession [i.e. you hate the thought of someone else being with her] rather than love .... if you love someone, you don't cheat on them!!

Le Rack

Im only 17 but had a similar situation. I totally loved this guy (k) and we liked me, we got together, only for me to discover he had cheated on his girlf to be with me (he had told me he was breain it of wit her for me) so she dumped having discovered me and we got together properly in August. I thought everything was great but in October I was away for a week and as soon as i was gone ha was with two other girls, having told me before he left that he felt more for me than he ever thought it was possible to feel for someone. I was raging and got with a guy (D)(whos 21) who had been a threat to k all along, but apparently it didnt bother him. Despite his saying this he was always all over any guy it looked like i was getting friendly with and just to get at me got with a 22yr old. I broke up with D and got with A whom when K seen together he was all over him aswell despite the fact that a month earlier to this K told me I had ruined his life! A dumped me last week and I still love K, always have and always will no matter how he hurts me. I started talking to K a few days ago and we're gettin on really well and from the looks of things we'll get back together, so mungo I say just give it time all that happened over a year and things are finally starting to be right again. If you do really love eachother it'll work. "the path to true love was never a smooth one, but love conquers all."

mungo77

i dunno anymore,like, your only seventeen and its almost gauranteed that you and k will fight again and have your problems again. wat bout when u/him go to college. its deadly when ya get back together, i know, but everthing comes back to haunt ya

Le Rack

I know but dont care and were both going to Dub and hes asked me to live with him up there a few times....

koneko

Le Rack,
It doesn't sound like you're in any position to give other people advice. Your situation is a PI thread on it's own (and you sound like a glutton for punishment).

Le Rack

Funny story, I always manage to be able to sort my friends love lifes out but can never handle my own....

Dinxminx

Ugh... I know they say girls hold grudges but wow, you really blow them away, dude...

She cheats on you. Once. At the beginning of the relationship. And you cheat on her for TWO YEARS. And you think you're perfectly justified.

I wasn't aware that there were actually people as stupid as you wandering the earth. I thought maybe evolution had killed you all off...

Victor

Dinxminx wrote:

I wasn't aware that there were actually people as stupid as you wandering the earth.

Easy tiger!

Gordon

naughty_girl please keep a leash on your passionate insults. This forum can be read by people of all ages so please keep that in mind.

Also one can never be sure if the original poster is telling the truth.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

pretty-in-pink

Ok, my POV might be strong,harsh even, but I do think it completely outrageous that an individual like the OP gets told stuff like "if you love her talk to her". It seems really obvious that the OP has no regard for his ex, and so needs to be told that he is being a jerk- not get pretty much told that he deserves another chance with her, Its my honest belief that he only wants to hurt her, and that he wouldnt change. He is welcome, as is anyone to prove me wrong.

I feel that he needs a reality check, which he wasn't getting, and I really do mean if I knew him.......well Id probably do everything to make sure that nobody would ever go off with him again.

Mercury_Tilt

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mungo77

we started goin out wit each other when we were seventeen, i was head over heals bout her, then to be told a half million lies before hearing the truth. she had friends of hers ringin me, tellin me that she wouldn do that. i was doin the leavin cert at the time and couldn even think bout anything else and was absolutely heart broken. when i say i did the dirt i mean, mainly i just kissed about fifteen different girls and had sex wit three of them. i was seventeen, i didnt know any better, i truely believe that anyone in my position would have done the same, anyway, as i said i copt on alot and started treatin her really, really well. she started goin out an awful lot and i couldn cause of football so the shoe was on the other foot. im sorry for what i did now, but i am seriosly payin for it now. i really cant imagine bein wit sum1 else for a long time. i know we both did the things that we did to each other cause we are young and think we're missin out on bein single, but i wouldn do anything to hurt her again, but it might be too late for that now.

tinkerbell

Ha! I seriously hope she never ever gets back with you. And this rubbish about you believing anyone in your position would've done the same - what the hell are you on about man? Any decent human being would've been heartbroken / dumped her, not go off over the space of two years kissing fifteen other girls, sleeping with three, and guilting the girlfriend into staying in.

You deserve her to dump you.

The_Conductor

Have to agree with Tinkerbell et al. on this one- you have a lot of growing up to do Mungo77 - it would almost be amusing reading your attempts to justify your actions, if it wasn't a real life situation. People are not meant to be used like that.......

*Page*

an eye for an eye eh?

do you feel like you got your lb of flesh?

she cheated and then lied-- this is wrong

then you mentally abused her! that what it is when you guilt someone into feeling that they cant go out that they are not trust worthy!!!

then you cheat(by the way she probably knows) on over and over--- two wrongs don't make it right!!!

then after you spend years breaking her down and making her feel small and worthless and untrust worthy, you feel it ok to dump her!! ye she got with someone straight away its an insucrity from how you treated her.. she then got back with you because you had this hold on her. she stays in contact with someone who was a shoulder to cry on and arms to hold her when you left... and you what dump her again!!!!!

go get a life!