Darkened Dawn

hada

Opinions as you wish....

--


Darkened Dawn why have you foresaken me?
Has not the sleep which I have passed been enough?
Or the horrid plagues of dreams to which my
Minds eye scorched all the night,
Worn you out?

For yesterday, the sky bled grey droplets of distress,
Which beat across my head,
But I could find no shelter.
Nowhere to hide my quaking soul.

The distress upon which I bare this morning,
I thought would pass with each breath
I took last night.
But ney; instead I was greeted at the gates
Of slumber by Sorrow himself,
Pointing his long boney finger in my direction.

For in my head, I hear no clarity,
But only high cathedral bells ring one hundred times a hundred,
Over and Over and Over again,
Until all I can feel is numb.

el_tiddlero

about the hour going forward???
on a more serious note tis good, i enjoyed the bony fingers of sorrow at slumbers gate, real nice imagery.... i love stuff like that, made me see some horrible grey figure calling to a poor soul about to wake up... last thing you need at that hour of the morning!!

hada

Cheers mate.

Was worried somewhat that people might not have understood what I was writing about - that the poem was too introvert.

More opinions as always welcome..

Edit: On second thoughts, did you have an idea of what I sort of emotion I was trying to get across here.

(I have an awful awful habit of writing for myself - I'm very selfish when it comes to my writing sometimes..sorry!)

el_tiddlero

i guess the one emotion i pick up more than others is despair, despair in itself is not so much an emotion rather than a product of them..? i think... anyway it seems as though there's some thought, some act that's burning at the soul.. it could be borne out of an act of hate or violence, or perhaps a lack of action caused by fear, baiscally you get the feeling that you;ve been through the mill, through whatever circumstance to find no comfort in the morning, which as we all know can be quite a sobering time when memories flood the mind and acts long forgotten return to haunt us... i actually enjoyed this even more reading it again and looking deeper... its a cool idea, sleep always seems like a saviour when in fact the morning can look bleaker.. .lesson learnt, be careful what point you pass out at, you might not enjoy the waking!!!

hada

el_tiddlero wrote:

i guess the one emotion i pick up more than others is despair, despair in itself is not so much an emotion rather than a product of them..? i think... anyway it seems as though there's some thought, some act that's burning at the soul.. it could be borne out of an act of hate or violence, or perhaps a lack of action caused by fear, baiscally you get the feeling that you;ve been through the mill, through whatever circumstance to find no comfort in the morning, which as we all know can be quite a sobering time when memories flood the mind and acts long forgotten return to haunt us... i actually enjoyed this even more reading it again and looking deeper... its a cool idea, sleep always seems like a saviour when in fact the morning can look bleaker.. .lesson learnt, be careful what point you pass out at, you might not enjoy the waking!!!

Exactly

What I was trying to get at was a feeling of total despair.
And I wanted to emphasise this even more by stating that in sleep I could find no solice, no relief.

Basically, a profound despair.

TerrorFirmer

Nice work.

Or the horrid plagues of dreams to which my
Minds eye scorched all the night

This is very good descriptive work! I liked this image alot, can't explain in what way it got to me but....it just did!

It sounds like someone in a very depressed state of mind, or someone on the verge of inevitable death.

I liked it - thumbs up!