long live the pope!!

el_tiddlero

so this one pretty much explains itself, its one of my favourite pieces of my own work (yeah well vanity is acceptable, so long as you're talented right??), most of the time i don't know why i bother but when you start out with a blank page and something like this fills it up you get a good feeling, enjoy it or have fun pulling it apart, you know why you read things better than i.......

ONE MAN’S ARMY

An old, old man in ragged clothes,
Furrowed brows and hooklike nose,
“I am lord of god and man
And all who dwell within my land.
None shall thrive that I may rule,
My reign be long and senseless, cruel
Revenge I wreak into the world,
All guns blazing, flags unfurled.
I stand opposed to all your views,
As I stand in tattered shoes,
For as I lived my troubled life
You only added to my strife.
The time has come to settle debts”
And he charged and fought with no regrets.

He fought them as they came in scores
And all did fall, then more and more
An indefensible attack
And like a ghost no trail to track
He took the world within his grip
A constant beat that would not skip
He made it his within the year
And all that grew was death and fear
Men cried out and women wept
And across all countries chaos swept
And as the evil had come to pass
The old man raised a lonely glass
To a world destroyed, but then again,
To a world devoid of heartless men.

hada

not really liking what you're trying to say here mate.

But that's nothing much to do with your poetic style as such. Just maybe you're motivation for writing this poem.

That's just me though..

BEAT

you have a wonderful talent.
I liked this,
would you mind telling me how old you are?
and if you are doing anything with this gift?

Ivan

hada wrote:

not really liking what you're trying to say here mate.

But that's nothing much to do with your poetic style as such. Just maybe you're motivation for writing this poem.

That's just me though..

Um, what exactly is trying to be said here?
I thought that too and then I read the last line.

Excellent stuff, nice work.

el_tiddlero

thanks BEAT, i'm 23 (24 on thursday...grrrr) and i am trying to do something with my abilities, i have enough work to maybe get a small collection published but i think i'll have to do it myself... at the minute i'm just getting it to look the way i want it too and am sourcing some illustrations from a friend to make it look a bit more interesting, then its a matter of finding a printer who'll do it cheap enough and then i'll bring it out... i'll let you all know when its done obviously and it'll probably just be for free in small bookshops and record shops if they'll let me put it there... after that who knows...

hada

Ivan wrote:

Um, what exactly is trying to be said here?
I thought that too and then I read the last line.

Excellent stuff, nice work.

Probably should rephrase myself.

The poem had a very sincere and rather brilliant feel to it.

I was just slightly muddled as to whether he was trying to be sarcastic, or was there actual praise in the poem.

Besides that, I really enjoyed the poem and would look forward to reading more of el_tiddlero's material.

Well done mate.

Zillah

In general I found it delicious...


One bit specifically though..

And all did fall, then more and more
An indefensible attack

Indefensible attack? It sounds clumsy, breaks the rhythm and I doubt it's correct english.

Aside from that, long live the tyranical pope!

el_tiddlero

oh ivan and hada, where do i begin.. i guess what i'm trying to say is that sooner or later someones gonna go nuts and destroy us all... let's face it we all piss each other off enough on a daily basis that its just bound to happen.. but its more of an empty victory for the one who does it... i suppose its the choice someone has to make at some stage, save the planet or save the species... i'm votin for the species btw.. blast me into space and i'll find us all a new home ;-)
in the end though its just a story of an old dude who kicks ass, thats the most important thing.. respect for the elderly... :rolleyes:
and zillah, i know its clumsy, i even know that its not a real word but that my friend is why we have poetic licence... ah, its like diplomatic plates coming through customs...

humbleCounty

el_tiddlero wrote:

i suppose its the choice someone has to make at some stage, save the planet or save the species... i'm votin for the species btw.. blast me into space and i'll find us all a new home ;-)
i

ok, but whats it got to do with the pope?

I dont think there can ever be a choice to save the planet or save the species, we're effectively parasites, were never going to destroy the earth, though it may well do away with us.

el_tiddlero

ok number one... its got nothing to do with the pope, thats just a topical thread title, its a useful tool to make people who might not ordinarily come onto this forum check it out... you guys should try it...
and number two.. have you ever heard of nuclear weapons??? they're pretty capable of destroying the planet wouldn't you think???

humbleCounty

el_tiddlero wrote:

have you ever heard of nuclear weapons??? they're pretty capable of destroying the planet wouldn't you think???

nope nuclear weapons are capable of destroying human (and a lot of other) life. The planet will still be here as will alot of other species.

Its just a small point, a lot of people view humans as somehow different to other animals, we're all the same,

Zillah

The pope would maintain that humans have souls, whereas aniamls do not. Would you argue with the vatican, heathen?

el_tiddlero

i say we eat all the animals and then blow up every nuclear weapon we have and see if this rock survives... its only a matter of time before someone invents some sort of bomb that drills through the core rather than flying through the air... avoiding all those pesky radars and star wars systems... i always thought only cockroaches would survive a holocaust anyway, not lots of things...

humbleCounty

yeah cher will be there too

el_tiddlero

wouldn't she melt?? or is botox radiation proof?? we should enquire on the science forum!!

humbleCounty

good poem too by the way, just so my stupid arguements dont get in the way of that

(read straw dogs and you might see what im a trying to say)