Dumped, ur thoughts.

LegacyUser

Ok been trying to see this girl, went on a date few weeks ago, then i pulled her last tuesday, we agreed not to mention it at work, she was drunk, i wasnt. Went out for lunch yesterday, then off to the pub, when i made a move, she told me that she has something to tell me. She said shes not ready for a relationship, shes still tryin to get over her ex from a yr ago, i told her i respected her honesty, we stayed and chatted for the rest of the afternoon and evening. i obviously got drunker and told her that i wasnt really wanting a sexual relationship, as i am going away over the summer as is she. Kinda continued to dig a whole, told her i would woo her at some point and probalbly ask her out again. afterwards she told me her thoughts of me had changed. I amslo asked how she thought the date went and if i was a good kisser, of course she said yes, and it was a good date, but i dont think she would be truthful altho she was drunk too. So plain and simple how bad did i screw up.

Tobias Greeshman

RandomPoster wrote:

told her i would woo her at some point and probalbly ask her out again.

She probably freaked a little, thought you see her as an object you could get if you really wanted anytime. This obviously made her say what she said next. You shouldn't of said this, but if I were you Id put it down to being really drunk, that should definitely get you someway out of the hole you dug.

Hey this culture has blamed drink for some very embaressing situations, its aided me a few times and i'll bet a few others too.

GuanYin

RandomPoster wrote:

Ok been trying to see this girl, went on a date few weeks ago, then i pulled her last tuesday,

Do you mean slept with her or just kissed her?

we agreed not to mention it at work,

Not a good sign

she was drunk, i wasnt.

Not a good thing.

Went out for lunch yesterday, then off to the pub, when i made a move, she told me that she has something to tell me. She said shes not ready for a relationship, shes still tryin to get over her ex from a yr ago,

i told her i respected her honesty,

Ok fair enough.

we stayed and chatted for the rest of the afternoon and evening. i obviously got drunker and told her that i wasnt really wanting a sexual relationship, as i am going away over the summer as is she.

What kind did you want?

Kinda continued to dig a whole, told her i would woo her at some point and probalbly ask her out again.

Not quite "respecting her honesty".

You took advantage of her drunkeness, she told you she wanted none of it, you said ok, then you tell her you'll woo her (does this mean take advantage of her drunkness again?).

afterwards she told me her thoughts of me had changed.

Not surprising.

I amslo asked how she thought the date went and if i was a good kisser, of course she said yes, and it was a good date, but i dont think she would be truthful altho she was drunk too.

Seems to me she doesn't have much of a head for the drink.

Incidently, do you really expect her to say "no you're a crap kisser and I had a crap night, I was just with you cos I was drunk"?

Asking those questions is basically saying "Please boost my ego, please, please, tell me I'm great, I need it".

Don't know too many girls who get turned on by this.

So plain and simple how bad did i screw up.

All in all, I'd say you'll need to be buying her lots of drink to get her again.

I wouldn't imagine your chances while she's sober are good.

Kevin_rc_ie

wooh, that's some weird date/relationship you have there. u said u didnt want a sexual relationship?

vibrant

Sounds like she just saw it as a once-off, and was just telling you what you wanted to hear (re: your kissing etc).

LegacyUser

I have spoken to her briefly on MSN 2day, but never mentioned lastNite.
I will be speaking to her tomorrow nice and sober, and keep it simple and say look, i was drunk, dont want things to be awkward @ work, do still consider me a good friend? Basically leave the situation there. Maybe (but unlikely) try again after the summer (not telling her this) But its a situation that i have no control in anymore. One thing she did tell me was that she regarded me as one of her best friends here (shes from elsewhere).

Sleepy

If you want to stay friends with the girl, stop asking her to massage your ego and just be a friend to her.

tinkerbell

RandomPoster wrote:

One thing she did tell me was that she regarded me as one of her best friends here (shes from elsewhere).

This does not mean that she wants to jump into bed with you.

She already told you that she wasn't interested, so just leave it and move on. There's no point flogging a dead horse, as they say. And yes, you did make a big mistake telling her that you would "try to woo her again in the future". Considering she doesn't want to be with you now, she could be squirming everytime she meets you for fear you'll try it on again, and she'll have to reject you again.

LegacyUser

can i just thank u all for ur help, i am just gutted that i have no luck with women. but the one thing that she said i never really took notice of is "not interested" now i just have to settle with being friends. i really dont understand why it gets to me but it does.

LegacyUser

RandomPoster wrote:

i obviously got drunker and told her that i wasnt really wanting a sexual relationship, as i am going away over the summer as is she.

Ok, did you say this because you meant you wanted her to be just your friend. Or did you say it because you taught she might like the idea of you being not a sleazy guy?

If you said it to make you luck unsleazy, trust me that doesnt work. One of the few things I know about women is that, while they say they hate sleazy guys (which we all do) they are much much less attracted to guys who arent sexual at all.

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

is_that_so

10 steps back , deep breath, learn how to be a friend and don't use words like "woo" in any context.
If the friendship is strong enough it'll keep going as long as you don't have any further misadventures . Have a chat about what happened if she is willing and focus your desires elsewhere. Best of luck

WhiteWashMan

Mercury_Tilt wrote:

This post has been deleted.

this is called being chastised.
you should take it on board, reliase just how stupid you have been, and be very ashamed.
ashamed enough to reliase that you should really be more sensible.

also, try using english. i mean, at 3.00 in the afternoon, there is no reason to have crap english.
also, learn to use the paragraph. it is your friend, and will make you more respected as a person, rather than make you appear like a 13 year old.

LegacyUser

Well, things btwn me and her are as the will should be just friends. However i am more concerned on how everytime i get in a realtionship i over analysis ****! and get so worried over nothing. I dont think i know anybody that has as big an issue as me!!

jonesyp

RandomPoster = Jonesyp

Hello, i have sorted things out, kinda appologuised for being drunk, and told her that i am a light weight, which she already knew. sure things are good as friends and left it at that. I am more concerned about why i get in such a mess over nothing. does anyone know anybody like me? jonesy

Zombrex

RandomPoster wrote:

Well, things btwn me and her are as the will should be just friends. However i am more concerned on how everytime i get in a realtionship i over analysis ****! and get so worried over nothing. I dont think i know anybody that has as big an issue as me!!

I think part of your problem here is that you seem to be getting a bit ahead of yourself. You weren't in a relationship with this girl, you went out on a date and then weeks later had a kiss. She then said she wasn't ready for a relationship (could honestly mean she isn't ready for a relationship, or she was drunk and in the cold light of day doesn't want to go out with you, but still thinks you are funny and nice and want to stay friends ... which is fair enought, I bet there are a load of nice people are work that you get on with but wouldn't want to go out with), which is being honest with you about it. It is at this point where you say "oh right fair enought" and move on.

You need to remember you dont have a relationship with this girl, she doesn't owe you explainations or justifications. You do not want to turn into the annoying "mistake" she made that just won't go away. Don't ask her if she thinks you are a good kisser. Don't tell her you are going to "woo" her again (infact don't say "woo" ever again ) Don't ask her did the date go well.

In a word - Be cool

is_that_so

jonesyp wrote:

RandomPoster = Jonesyp

Hello, i have sorted things out, kinda appologuised for being drunk, and told her that i am a light weight, which she already knew. sure things are good as friends and left it at that. I am more concerned about why i get in such a mess over nothing. does anyone know anybody like me? jonesy

Been there, done that . We all have.

Just learn the lesson "Glasshopper"

Zombrex

jonesyp wrote:

RandomPoster = Jonesyp

Oh sweet mother of god don't use your real name

jonesyp wrote:

I am more concerned about why i get in such a mess over nothing. does anyone know anybody like me? jonesy

Yes, every man between the ages of 14 and 21 ... it is a learning thing. In my experience (including my own) it is only when you get happy with your own life and living in your own skin that you stop making small things (one date and a kiss) into big things (I have ruined my life), because you are looking for a relationship (or job or money) to solve a problem in your personal life ( you are lonely, you are unconfident etc .. not saying you are, just in general young men are).

The question you need to ask yourself is why do you want to go out with someone? Sure this girl was nice, but how well do you really know her. I suspect that you want to go out with her more than you are actually emotionally attracted to her. You pile a whole load of worry and effort into a relationship (or in this case the very start of one) because you want it to work out so badly, not because the girl is the "one" but because you want a relationship.

Anyway, that is just from observations of other people and myself. I could be totally wrong, never meet you.

tinkerbell

jonesyp wrote:

I am more concerned about why i get in such a mess over nothing. does anyone know anybody like me? jonesy

What age are you?

You just need to live and learn, i.e. know now that you should not wear your heart on your sleeve. Don't dive in head first when a girl gives you a second glance. Ya just learned the hard way. Sure doesn't everyone anyway!

Call Me Jimmy

jonesy do I know you, are you by any chance from lusk no? I might have the wrong one

jonesyp

Wicknight, may i just say u are totally spot on!, i am however 24, but my history with women is very short, i have always avoided and used escuses not to get involved. my main worry is that i owe loads of money to credit cards and am still a student (more than £5000). I have always felt because i never worry about that (repression) it is vented in other areas. Yes with the relationship thing, i look have been looking beyond person towards object. I dont want too mind, but it happens. What can i say I pray someday i can get overmyself? i am 7 weeks away from my exams and that now is my primary concern. then will wait and see, dunno if i am ready to date.

goin'_to_the_PS

she must know that it was only the drink talking

Superman

RandomPoster wrote:

She said shes not ready for a relationship, shes still tryin to get over her ex from a yr ago

Two words - Emotional Baggage, get outta there!

Zombrex

Le Rack wrote:

dude calm down I got dumped last week cuz im not as intelligent as him, the relationship wasnt going anywhere, and i wouldnt have sex with having been together a week! well i would have but i had flu and Im 17 and hes just gone 16!! not going anywhere???!!! what does he want a wedding proposal on the first date!!!

[off topic]
You didn't sleep with him the first week so you are therefore not as intelligent as him ... oh dear oh dear :rolleyes:

I wouldn't worry about it, with that kinda attitude I would say he ain't going to be getting any for a long long time
[/off topic]

Le Rack

thanx for comment two but i a tad conflusterd by the first?

tinkerbell

I do believe that Wicknight meant in a sarcastic tone - oh you weren't intelligent enough for him so he dumped you (an excuse coz you wouldn't sleep with him!)

Zombrex

Le Rack wrote:

he dumped me through text while stading beside me

You are kidding!? Wow, that is the worst break up attempt I have ever heard of. What a loser. Like I said, by the sounds of it he won't be getting any for a long long time

And like tinkerbell said, I meant the first part sarcastically

Man on mir

[FONT=Century Gothic]Oh le rack that rodney copperbottom is as sad as an episode of home and away on a thursday evening. You were by far more intelligent that he is, he is the most pretentious person, he has no natural intelligence, everything he says is just mere regurtation from the last website he devoured. You know my opinion on him, you can do better, so much better! [/FONT] Did you ever think it was fate that you got the flu and then had to leave for barcelona?

Zombrex

Le Rack wrote:

Yeah and the only other relationship he had was with a girl from America, who he loved! is it possible to love some one overseas for a year and a half!!!

when you are 15 you can fall madly in "love" with the lady in Tescos

put or to put it another way, find me a 15-16 year old who isn't in love with someone.

is_that_so

Wicknight wrote:

when you are 15 you can fall madly in "love" with the lady in Tescos

put or to put it another way, find me a 15-16 year old who isn't in love with someone.

Not as bad as the pain of love at 13 . The world nearly ended :rolleyes:

Le Rack

is_that_so wrote:

Not as bad as the pain of love at 13 . The world nearly ended :rolleyes:

True on both counts! But having said that I really believe I knew the difference between love and "love" at 13, I felt the difference. I was friends with a guy for around 10 years so we had a fairly solid foundation to say the least! Oh and dumper emailed me last night telling me of the different kinds of love, his and Miss America's was a strong love whereas a love of mine was a powerful love! Fair enough love comes in different forms but still.....

Raphael

It's never good when the person being bitched about finds these threads.....

Hi, I'm Raphael, dumper and insensitive Jackass. That said, I'm pretty pissed about the slating I'm being given in this thread. Rach, the reason I broke up with you was because I didn't have feelings for you. When I got with you it was because I was on the rebound, and I just couldn't stand to see a good friend in a relationship with someone who didn't have feelings for them back. I know I hurt you, and I'm truly sorry, but I thought it would just hurt both of us if we stayed together

The text thing? Yeah, I'm a complete jackass. Not even gonna try and justify that, it was cowardly and really, really stupid.

As for your opinion of love at 15/16 Wicknight, you may well be right. Twas 14 when I got together with Claire(Miss America) actually. The reason I call it love though, is because it was something I'd never felt trough any of my crushes I'd had on anyone, and I had a few.

Oh and as for dumping you because you're not intelligent enough/wouldn't have sex with me? Cop the **** on Rachel. I'd hardly have been friends with you if you were so stupid you made my eyes bleed. Why would I have different standards for gf's as friends. And in relation to sex, I have no desire to have sex with anyone at the present time. You only get one first time, and I want it to be memorable, not a part of a rebound relationship.

Beruthiel

Le Rack
Raphael
if the both of you have some issues to sort out, take it to PM
I do not want a slagging match in here
also
this has nothing to do with the starting of this thread which I want back on topic now
B

Dinxminx

Do not, under any circumstances, ever use the word "woo" in front of ANYONE.
Ever.

The girl was probably just as freaked out by your choice of words as your clinginess.

Seriously dude, let her go.