PEOPLE & THEIR DRINKS

The_Conductor

A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer’s personality on what drinks they ordered?

Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:

IF WOMEN DRINK ...

BEER
Personality:
Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach:
Challenge her to a game of pool.

COCKTAILS OR BLENDER DRINKS WITH UMBRELLA
Personality:
Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach:
Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

MIXED DRINKS - NO UMBRELLAS E.G.; GIN AND TONIC / SCOTCH AND SODA
Personality:
Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach:
If she wants you, she’ll send YOU a drink.

WATER
Personality:
Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach:
Don’t.

WINE - (BOTTLED, NOT 4 LITRE CASK)
Personality:
Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach:
Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

BACARDI BREEZER, RED SQUARE, ARCHERS COOLER, SMIRNOFF ICE, MUDSHAKE ETC.
Personality:
Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach:
Make her feel smarter than she is... and you’re in.

CAPE VELVET
Personality:
Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach:
Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.

SHOTS AND SLAMMERS (TEQUILA, VODKA, AFTERSHOCK ETC.)
Personality:
Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.
Approach:
Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......






IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.)

CIDER
He’s probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

CHEAP DOMESTIC BEER
He’s poor / student and wants to get laid.

CASTLE LAGER BEER
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

IMPORTED BEER
He’s old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

GUINNESS
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.

WATER
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid

WINE
He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.

VODKA OR BRANDY
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.

PORT
Thinks he’s sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

WHISKY
He doesn’t give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.

JACK DANIELS
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

RUM OR TEQUILA
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

BACARDI BREEZER, RED SQUARE, ARCHERS COOLER, SMIRNOFF ICE, WKD ETC
He’s gay (blatantly) - don’t turn your back or pick up any dropped change.

smccarrick

smccarrick wrote:

GUINNESS
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.

What?!

memphis

It so true really!!!!

mayordenis

smccarrick wrote:

RUM OR TEQUILA
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

oh yeah!!

*Page*

yup yup/ but i do two...SHOTS AND SLAMMERS (TEQUILA, VODKA, AFTERSHOCK ETC.)
and JACK DANIELS

but they dont put jd into the list

The_Conductor

*Page* wrote:

yup yup/ but i do two...SHOTS AND SLAMMERS (TEQUILA, VODKA, AFTERSHOCK ETC.)
and JACK DANIELS

but they dont put jd into the list

Shudder......
Probably for a good reason.....
Seeing as I like whiskey neat, I can't really speak though....

stagolee

i drink guinness , whiskey or rum.
actualy i'm normaly quite sedate

Tiersal

CHEAP DOMESTIC BEER
He’s poor / student and wants to get laid.



Doesn't that mean Guinness??

The_Conductor

stagolee wrote:

i'm normaly quite sedate

Is that before or after the Guinness, whiskey and rum?

*Page*

i cant stomach beer or wine only spirts. one of my fave's is suddy and red(southern comfort and red lemonade

PeadarofAodh

I dont think that is funny at all, it's terribly sexist and not all guys want to get laid actually,and for your information some just want a good night out without being judged for who they are.

The_Conductor

Ahh lighten up- its Rec Humour after all......
Its not supposed to be serious......

Capt'n Midnight

BEER
Personality:
Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach:
Challenge her to a game of pool.

So the original writer likes pool.

snorlax

what about girls drinking guinness? its my favorite drink! nice glass of guinness 10xbetter then any vodka n coke!

The_Conductor

Arrrghhhhhhh!!!!!!

kmart6

smccarrick wrote:

Ahh lighten up- its Rec Humour after all......
Its not supposed to be serious......

I have to agree with [l]smccarrick[/l] on this one

StupidLikeAFox

PeadarofAodh wrote:

....without being judged for who they are.

judged for who they are pretending to be maybe?

Zaphod B

PeadarofAodh wrote:

not all guys want to get laid actually.

Who are these men who don't want to get laid? And why aren't there more of them? Fewer men trying to get laid would mean more opportunity for me to get laid.

themole

*Page* wrote:

i cant stomach beer or wine only spirts. one of my fave's is suddy and red(southern comfort and red lemonade

suddy and red. my fave also, when i'm not drinking beer.
the red is dangerous though. used to drink so much suddy and red that the stuble on my face turned red.

lots of people seem to have bad experiences with southy and then can't stand it.

beer it is guinness or carlsberg for me.
cider on a hot day.

hate shots. vodka and coke half and half is good, if your drinking a bottel of it