Sticky Situation

LegacyUser

ok, im livin wit my ex (broke up a good few months ago). without her knowing, i have met another girl, who i promised i'd meet up wit at the end of the month (both 2 busy b4 then). thing is, im livin down the country in college and shes livin at home in kildare. i am not going to tell my ex about her as she's goin to australia next month so i wont see her til the end of the year, maybe just before xmas. even though we're broken up we still "act"(;)) like we're a couple, so i think deep down she might think we are. this is why i cant tell her about the new girl. and also why i cant tell the new girl im unable to invite her down to my student accomodation for the weekend until my ex is gone.

now, as im planning on meetin the new girl, i need to come up with an excuse to my ex for a reason ive to go home for the weekend and leave her by herself down here. im thinkin about askin my mates to invent a lads weekend away down the country somewhere and secretly go to dublin and meet up wit the new girl.

so can anyone help me here without the whole "be honest to ur ex and tell her" route? i really need to get away without hurting her. (im assuming it will hurt her but dont wanna make her hate me just before she leaves the country for a long while).

Victor

we still "act" like we're a couple

What does that mean? Is she your ex- or not? Are you still intimate? Or are you just sharing the same residence?

If you are still intimate (kissing, sharing a bed, having the odd shag), I think most people's expectation would be that you have to be honest and either end it or don't start the new relationship until you've properly ended the first.

What do you expect from the new woman? That she meets you for drinks and suddenly she's your girlfriend? Or is this a more casual arrangement.

You've a few options:

1. Don't say anything (better than lying).
2. Just say you are going to Dublin (or is it Kildare) for the weekend.
3. Say you might have met someone, but you're not sure where it will go.
4. Say you are planning on "riding this burd", but hope that you ex will understand that you are both adults and have moved on.

WhiteWashMan

tell her you need some new runners, and the big schmoke is tha only place you can get them.

and that while your at it, shure you may just do the old dirt on her as well.
smack her as well.

koneko

we're broken up we still "act"() like we're a couple, so i think deep down she might think we are. this is why i cant tell her about the new girl. and also why i cant tell the new girl im unable to invite her down to my student accomodation for the weekend until my ex is gone./quote]

Why does this read like "I don't want to be with my girlfriend anymore, but I just haven't broken up with her yet"

Either break up or don't. Don't start sleeping with someone else until you sort out the current mess.

*Page*

you are what we women like to call a two faces a$$ hole.

try be honest it will hurt them more the longer you take to grow some balls!!!!!!!

LegacyUser

Victor wrote:

What does that mean? Is she your ex- or not? Are you still intimate? Or are you just sharing the same residence?

same bed.

also, i met her when she was visiting friends down in my college. we slept together too. cant really tell my ex that i shagged this "burd" in our bed, now can i? wanna just keep it hush til she leaves the country. main problem is simply gettin away for the weekend while keepin it a secret.

ps havent arranged fully where we'll meet but imagine it will be dublin. im also txtin her while my ex does be in the same room. have to pretend its me mates (who she gets on wit so always asks "oh whats he sayin then?").

LegacyUser

koneko wrote:

Why does this read like "I don't want to be with my girlfriend anymore, but I just haven't broken up with her yet"

Either break up or don't. Don't start sleeping with someone else until you sort out the current mess.

i did dump her! several months ago, b4 xmas!. but due to living arrangements, contracts and difficulty to find new accomodation we were forced to stay livin together.

bombidol

And you are what we men like to call a frickin psycho woman. They are broken up, hes stuck in a rut cause he's still living with her. He's gotta thread lightly or PMS woman will come out and cut off his cock.

Zombienosh

bombidol wrote:

He's gotta thread lightly or PMS woman will come out and cut off his cock.

ROFLCOPTER! ahhhhhhh funny cos its true.

seamus

Why would you need to make up an excuse to go back to Dublin if you're not going out anymore?

"I'm going to Dublin for the weekend, seeya"

Victor

Cop on.

*Page*

listen its grand to live with your ex and see other women do it its cool but be honest about what your doing men and women only lie when they are ashamed of what they are doing(oh and keeping it a secret is just as bad as lying!!)

so there for he is two faced!!
if you think your x thinks that your relationship is back on then you should tell her its not!
if your new woman doesnt know the truth of why she cant go up then again you should be honest and tell her!

stop the lies, throw that shovle aside and stop digging the hole deeper!!

koneko

seamus wrote:

Why would you need to make up an excuse to go back to Dublin if you're not going out anymore?

"I'm going to Dublin for the weekend, seeya"

Exactly. Either you're broken up (and then you can do whatever you want) or you're not.

Beruthiel

the next person who doesn't keep this thread on topic gets banned

B

OP

I don't see anything wrong with seamus's suggestion

LegacyUser

i could tell her, yes. but, as she is going in 2 weeks, i am deciding against it as it will cause awkwardness for our remaining time together. IMO that would be just heartless.
i did already break up wit her and we both know it. in fact, the reason she is going abroad is because we broke up. however, i cannot guarantee that she will take it well so as not to risk our friendship i am keeping it from her. i am simply avoiding the hurt it may or may not cause her (not gonna risk it) and making it easier to live together as it is only the 2 of us in the accomodation. there is just the one speed bump in me getting away for the weekend or whenever we arrange to meet up.

*Page*

your going to make your life easier not hers.. you are being very selfish! if she knows that you are broken up... what makes you think deep down she might think "we are" still a couple???

what are you acting like??/

oh ye you should really try hard to grow those balls you never know when you might need them!!!

WhiteWashMan

well, its just a Sshame we dont have some of the posters from the other current thread where someone who doesnt have a partner, slept wioth someone else who doesnt have a partner, becuase quite frankly, with all this sleeping around, someone needs to make a moral standpoint.

personally i think he should go to dublin and shag his little brains out and if the ex gets upset, then she gets upset.

alternatively, you could tell her and she immediately invites the local GAA team around to the house while youre gone for a bit, er poetry reading.....

Beruthiel

page
banned for a week
B

vorbis

Man if you're broken up, ACT like you're broken up. From reading your posts, you come across like someone who is cheating on his girlfriend. You say that is not the case but why are you acting that way?

Evil Phil

Ideas_Needed wrote:

i could tell her, yes. but, as she is going in 2 weeks, i am deciding against it as it will cause awkwardness for our remaining time together. IMO that would be just heartless.
i did already break up wit her and we both know it. in fact, the reason she is going abroad is because we broke up. however, i cannot guarantee that she will take it well so as not to risk our friendship i am keeping it from her. i am simply avoiding the hurt it may or may not cause her (not gonna risk it) and making it easier to live together as it is only the 2 of us in the accomodation. there is just the one speed bump in me getting away for the weekend or whenever we arrange to meet up.

Go with Seamus' suggestion. TBH you've broken up with her so you could simply say 'Not my gf anymore so it's none of her business' and you be absolutly right but you've decided to spare her feelings. I think you should be commended for this. Go meet your new girl but keep it to yourself until your ex has left. Then you'll have a big empty double bed to share

cajun_tiger

it sound wrong to me.. you seem like your not that happy with the situtation.. have you tried talking to your x.?

Sleepy

Taking what you've said at face value:

Just to balance out all the grief your getting. It sounds to me like you're doing the right thing. There's no point in hurting someone you care about unnecessarily and frankly what she doesn't know can't hurt her.

However, if you're still shagging the ex, you're being a bit heartless.

seamus

Evil Phil wrote:

Go with Seamus' suggestion.

Even if you don't want to be too blunt, and you want to stay friendly, it's fine to say;
"I'm heading off to Dublin this weekend"

"Why"

"Ah, I just fancy heading home for a home cooked meal and a few beers with the old crew"

Any more than that and either she's being nosy, or you're not telling us the full story

tinkerbell

Ideas_Needed wrote:

same bed.

cant really tell my ex that i shagged this "burd" in our bed, now can i?

For god's sake man, if you're gonna break up with someone, do it properly. You say you still act like a couple, and you STILL SHARE THE SAME BED!!

Even if you still have to live together because of whatever reasons, is it really necessary for you guys to continue to sleep in the same bed? No wonder you're being so sneaky around her, because you say yourself that you still act like you are going out.

As someone else suggested, you shouldn't have to "try to think up of an excuse for going away for the weekend" if you are your ex are actually broken up.

I think you seriously need to halt for a minute and take a good long look at yourself and the situation with your "ex" or whatever she is, before you go and do whatever again with your new "burd". At least have the decency to sort it out before your ex goes abroad, and then she won't be kept wondering.

Once again, WHY are you still sharing the same bed?!!

And you know yourself that if you truly were broken up with your ex girlfriend, then you wouldn't be sharing the same bed with her, and you wouldn't be trying to think up stupid excuses to go somewhere for the weekend, and you most certainly wouldn't be still acting like a couple.

And also, you mention that your ex is going away because of the break up - is this coz you broke up with her and she just wants to get away from you as far as possible, or is there another reason? Because really, sharing a bed with you is probably making it harder on her.

So grow up and end whatever it is with your ex girlfriend properly, and then go for your new conquest. I'm sure your new woman would be delighted to hear that you are still sharing a bed with your ex, even though you broke up supposedly a few months ago!

Bloody*Mary

I really think you should tell your ex that you have met someone before she goes away. If she is heading off because you broke up with her then you need to be honest with her so that when she is away she can get on with enjoying herself and getting over you. The last thing she need is to be missing you when your already moved on and getting cosy with someone else

KlodaX

Boards.ie -> Personal Issues .... Its Ricky Lake in Literature form!


You gotto kick yer ex to the kirb *me clicks finger and moves head from shoulder to shoulder* ... time to let that chick fly. You is tying her down! You is a bad man for keepin secrets!

Why not just tell her. I can't imagion she will be heart broken ... she is leaving the country after all... plus you aren't 'boyfriend/girlfriend' no more. What makes you think she isn't already seeing someone else? That you aren't just someone to keep her warm at night till she reaches a warmer climate?

LegacyUser

I'd be honest. Why not give your ex a chance to have a shag before she goes away? Give her the benefit of the doubt for christ sake. Dishonesty now will make her question your past togther and may mess her head up even worse (i mean it frankly must be messed up for a start to sleep in the same bed as someone who dumped her).

I bet you want one last shag with her before she goes to Oz too and telling her the truth will screw that up for you. I know i would if we were sharing a bed.

Just do the right thing for your ex and she'll appreciate your honesty in the end.

The_B_Man

nah man, dont tell her. you'll ruin her impression of you! keep it hush. if you tell her you will taint the memory she had of the time u 2 spent together. that is much worse than anything else. just keep it quiet another short while til she goes then everyone will be happy. what she doesnt know, cant hurt her.
i recommend you get your mates to organise a lads night out at the weekend and tell her u've to go up for that. then meet up wit the new girl. simple.

the_syco

Ideas_Needed wrote:

Victor wrote:

What does that mean? Is she your ex- or not? Are you still intimate? Or are you just sharing the same residence?

same bed.

Erm... What is she then? A f*ck buddy? Seriously tho, it seems like your leading your ex on. You've broken up with her, but your still sleeping together. And you act like "a couple".

Also, if she finds out that you were seeing someone else, whilst you were leading her on, and the current girl finds out about you leading the ex on, you'll lose everything.

LegacyUser

the_syco wrote:

Also, if she finds out that you were seeing someone else, whilst you were leading her on, and the current girl finds out about you leading the ex on, you'll lose everything.

thats my point. im trying to keep it quiet for two weeks until she goes. i have not bein leadin my ex on. she trapped me. the new girl knows bout her, in fact, i believe they may have met once! (kinda friend of a friend thing bout a year ago). when the new girl woke up she sed she thought i had a g/f because of all the girly stuff in my room, like clothes and teddies. but i explained the situation to her about how we broke up b4 xmas. truth is, i was too young to get into a long term thing wit this girl and i need to "sow my wild oats". if i was 30 and met her i'd probably marry her. i explained this also to the ex. this is why i cant let her hate me. there may be a future.

The Sweeper

Ideas_Needed wrote:

i have not bein leadin my ex on. she trapped me.

So make like the weasel you are and chew your arm off to escape. The mutilation may suit you.

Ideas_Needed wrote:

if i was 30 and met her i'd probably marry her.

Not if I ever discover who she is and show her this thread.

Ideas_Needed wrote:

i explained this also to the ex. this is why i cant let her hate me. there may be a future.

You're not even sad. You're not even a stupid ba$tard. You're not even pitiful.

You split up with a girl, but you still cuddle her in bed at night. You've dumped her, and she's going away because you've dumped her. But you've dumped her in name only, because you still live with her and share a bed with her.

This is your cake

---

> X

If you eat it, this happens:

---

> ...

QED, you cannot have your cake and eat it.

But noe!! You want teh cake!! And teh eating of teh cake!! I'm sure there's an alleged cake board around here somewhere - perhaps you should request membership?

You know, sometimes when I read Personal Issues, I make a wish. I wish I had the ability to put the curse of "cop the f*ck on" on people.

See me OP? I'm cursing you. Cop the f*ck on.

I'm sorry I couldn't deliver one of my normal, sensible responses. I've been overwhelmed by the sheer self-centred, nihilistic, ignorant, emotionally retarded, crass, egocentric STUPIDITY of the Original Poster.

I'd like to set his bollix an IQ test. I bet it'd beat his brain.

Perhaps that's lucky, as his bollix appears to do most of his thinking for him.

Gordon

Majydee, please no personal insults or brainular beatings, brainicuffs if you will.

Why does no-one ever just make two cakes, one to eat and one to... eat.

The Corinthian

I like cake.

tinkerbell

Hats off to MAJD, you hit the nail on the head in your post.

Ideas_Needed wrote:

this is why i cant let her hate me. there may be a future.

My god, you are so selfish. You really and truly are! You're saying YOU are trapped? Eh, you broke up with her, but you are still continuing to act like you're in a relationship with your ex and sleeping in the same bed. No wonder she wants to go to the other side of the world than be in the same country as you, you're like a leech sucking all the life out of her, coz all you can think about is YOURSELF.

And you don't want to tell her that it is truly over just IN CASE there may be a future? Jees, when I read that - it really did sum up what type of a person you are. As MAJD said, you really do need an overdose of some "cop the f on".

isolde

The_B_Man wrote:

keep it hush. if you tell her you will taint the memory she had of the time u 2 spent together. that is much worse than anything else. just keep it quiet another short while til she goes then everyone will be happy.

i agree. why don't you just put off seeing the new girl until after your ex is gone. that way you're not gonna hurt her, she won't find out, and you don't need an excuse for anything. it's only a fortnight. wait it out.

break-ups are not always cut and dry. yea maybe they should be, but they're not. people should just stop sleeping together when they split, but that doesn't always happen. it seems like a "i love you but this is the wrong time" sorta situation. i don't really see the harm in the arrangement you have, considering she's about to leave the country. just as long as she knows that you're not staying together while she's away. make sure that's reasonably clear.

but out of respect for your ex, and for the relationship you had, you should leave the new girl off the scene for the moment. it'll save your ex any heartbreak before she leaves. let her go with happy enough memories of your relationship. then maybe when she comes back you'll both be at different places in your lives and you'll have had time for some reflection and perspective, and you might be able to be friends again.

~ isolde.

Wibbs

She trapped you? Are you not your own man? Are you not capable of independent thought in such matters?

I agree wholeheartedly with Minesajackdaniels. A healthy dose of cop the fcuk on is well over due in this matter. I had hesitated in replying to this topic, mainly to avoid the usual ill considered barrage of "oh well they're not going out any more, so anything goes" that seems prevalent in discussions of this nature.

Few situations warrant the level of disregard for the feelings of others that the OP displays. It smacks of emotional cowardice and lack of responsibility for his actions.

This level of selfishness and disregard for the feelings of others might be expected in children who know no better, it should hardly be condoned in people who consider themselves adults.

On a more practical note, Isolde's last post is good advice. It'll save any further hurt to your ex and lets you off the hook.

Isolde also used the words "respect for your ex". Respect for others isn't a sign of weakness. If there's to be a future for this or any other woman, you would do well to learn that.

the_syco

Dude, you do relaise, that when she leaves, it'll be forever. You are nothing but a leech. You dump her, but still expect sex. I don't care what type of f*cked up childhood you may have had, but if I knew the girl, I'd show her this thread, and I'd help her to flee your sick little game. She'll find out, and when she does, she'll see that whilst you were stringing her along, you were seeing someone else. And she will. How do I know? Cos she's a friend of a friend of this girl.

Enjoy your cake while you can, as soon it'll be taken from you, and you'll be left with only your hand... :rolleyes:

koneko

And they say women play mindgames...

MaddyDv

mmmm....you mention you slept with the new girl in you and your "ex's" bed while she was away...ever think she may have met some one else while she was "away"! You go on like shes the one clinging on to a relationship thats apparently over but its pretty obvious you dont want to break up other wise you wouldnt still be sharing the same bed...Face it if you wanted to break up you'd be sleeping on the couch! I think you're hurt that shes heading off and leaving you behind and now you want to hurt her!
If she doesnt want to break up then why is she buggering off and leaving you here??

Evil Phil

koneko wrote:

And they say women play mindgames...

Usualy tetris in my case but I'm dyslexic.

Anyway to the OP - Break up with her or not. If you think there's a future between you then what you're doing is wrong. If you don't then spare her feelings by waiting 2 weeks until she's left and go out with the new girl.

darkdreamangel

*Page* wrote:

your going to make your life easier not hers.. you are being very selfish! if she knows that you are broken up... what makes you think deep down she might think "we are" still a couple???

what are you acting like??/

oh ye you should really try hard to grow those balls you never know when you might need them!!!listen its grand to live with your ex and see other women do it its cool but be honest about what your doing men and women only lie when they are ashamed of what they are doing(oh and keeping it a secret is just as bad as lying!!)

so there for he is two faced!!
if you think your x thinks that your relationship is back on then you should tell her its not!if your new woman doesnt know the truth of why she cant go up then again you should be honest and tell her!

stop the lies, throw that shovle aside and stop digging the hole deeper!!
you are what we women like to call a two faces a$$ hole.
try be honest it will hurt them more the longer you take to grow some balls!!!!!!!

tinkerbell wrote:

For god's sake man, if you're gonna break up with someone, do it properly. You say you still act like a couple, and you STILL SHARE THE SAME BED!!

Even if you still have to live together because of whatever reasons, is it really necessary for you guys to continue to sleep in the same bed? No wonder you're being so sneaky around her, because you say yourself that you still act like you are going out.

As someone else suggested, you shouldn't have to "try to think up of an excuse for going away for the weekend" if you are your ex are actually broken up.

I think you seriously need to halt for a minute and take a good long look at yourself and the situation with your "ex" or whatever she is, before you go and do whatever again with your new "burd". At least have the decency to sort it out before your ex goes abroad, and then she won't be kept wondering.

Once again, WHY are you still sharing the same bed?!!

And you know yourself that if you truly were broken up with your ex girlfriend, then you wouldn't be sharing the same bed with her, and you wouldn't be trying to think up stupid excuses to go somewhere for the weekend, and you most certainly wouldn't be still acting like a couple.

And also, you mention that your ex is going away because of the break up - is this coz you broke up with her and she just wants to get away from you as far as possible, or is there another reason? Because really, sharing a bed with you is probably making it harder on her.

So grow up and end whatever it is with your ex girlfriend properly, and then go for your new conquest. I'm sure your new woman would be delighted to hear that you are still sharing a bed with your ex, even though you broke up supposedly a few months ago!

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

So make like the weasel you are and chew your arm off to escape. The mutilation may suit you.
Not if I ever discover who she is and show her this thread.
You're not even sad. You're not even a stupid ba$tard. You're not even pitiful.
You split up with a girl, but you still cuddle her in bed at night. You've dumped her, and she's going away because you've dumped her. But you've dumped her in name only, because you still live with her and share a bed with her.
This is your cake

---

> X
If you eat it, this happens:

---

> ...
QED, you cannot have your cake and eat it.
But noe!! You want teh cake!! And teh eating of teh cake!! I'm sure there's an alleged cake board around here somewhere - perhaps you should request membership?

You know, sometimes when I read Personal Issues, I make a wish. I wish I had the ability to put the curse of "cop the f*ck on" on people.

See me OP? I'm cursing you. Cop the f*ck on.

I'm sorry I couldn't deliver one of my normal, sensible responses. I've been overwhelmed by the sheer self-centred, nihilistic, ignorant, emotionally retarded, crass, egocentric STUPIDITY of the Original Poster.

I'd like to set his bollix an IQ test. I bet it'd beat his brain.

Perhaps that's lucky, as his bollix appears to do most of his thinking for him.

koneko wrote:

Exactly. Either you're broken up (and then you can do whatever you want) or you're not.

this is everything I thought when I read this.. you need a kick in the head from both women!!!

7 months broken up? Yet you have not found somewhere else to sleep.. no even the bath tub??

Are you really broken up or was that said just to make you look slightly desent?

Ruhan

She's leaving him because he keeps saying 'wit'..

The h key is just below and to the right of that t key you hit....

Beruthiel

Ruhan wrote:

The h key is just below and to the right of that t key you hit....

and the CHARTER is stickyified at the top of this forum
read it
B

The Corinthian

The original poster could be, were we to give him the benefit of the doubt, not in a position to move out. I’ve known it to happen before, including the ‘still sharing the bed’ syndrome, and it’s not a healthy situation to say the least.

One thing that I’ve noticed is that no one has bothered questioning his ex’s willingness to continue to share the same bed. So either his claims that it’s a convenient (and largely platonic) arrangement are true or she’s one sad idiot. Of course given everything else that he’s said, it does sound more like a case of wanting one’s cake and eating it. Or a troll. Haven’t decided which.

Either way I don’t see the point of ranting at him and that’s all this thread is now; an exercise in moral indignation. He’s not responded in a good while and is probably amoral enough not to really give a monkey’s for the vox populi here. Or maybe he’s having a good laugh at the anthill he just kicked over. Haven’t decided which.

Beruthiel

The Corinthian wrote:

.
Either way I don’t see the point of ranting at him and that’s all this thread is now; an exercise in moral indignation. He’s not responded in a good while and is probably amoral enough not to really give a monkey’s for the vox populi here. .

indeed you are correct TC
this thread has gone so off topic it's of no use to the OP
I'm closing it.
B