Are f**k buddies acceptable

Bloody*Mary

Just wanted peoples opinion on this subject !
Have been seeing a guy for the past 8 months, well when I say seeing I really think we are more like f**k buddies .We don't really ring each other to say hello or see how each other is, it's normally a pattern of every second week we text for a few days then meet up, spend the night together, have a laugh together and then it's the following week or whatever when we contact again. Don't think he is seeing anyone else but we haven't discussed it and I haven't been with anyone else. Look forward to seeing him when we do meet up but not sure if it's going anywhere. My main problem is what other people think, both our friends know we are "seeing" each other but I live in a small town and am paranoid people think I'm a bit of a s**g and am being a fool because we aren't going out in the proper sense. Is anyone else in this situation ??

KlodaX

Did you mention this to him?

Chinafoot

if you enjoy being with each other and both know what the situation is then i dont see why it should be a problem. generally things only getting awkward with "fúck buddies" when one person wants something more serious, in which case talking about it is generally the best way to go.

as for the small-town mentality of people thinking you're a slag....you know you're not, your mates know you're not and this guy knows you're not. whats the problem? just because you're not "courting" doesnt make it wrong.
if you had numerous "fúck buddies" then maybe your character would be called into question by some people, but from the sound of your post this doesnt seemt o be the case.


anyway, i suggest you enjoy it and if you are not happy with the situation then talk to him about it.

Bloody*Mary

Thanks Peachypants, I was worried I'd be called all kinda things (might happen yet !) I think it suits us both, we have both come out of a longterm relationships which maybe is why we are both happy the way it is. We know each other for years too . He isn't the easiest person to talk to about things after various different topics have come up . Maybe he is having his cake and eating it but I'm happy enough with the situation too so it does seem to work ...we have gone to weddings and that together we just get on and it's a handy situation. Just don't want to be made look a fool to other people as I know what the story is between but I think other people think I'm being taken for a ride (parden the pun )

LegacyUser

would you mind if he was having it away with someone else?

Bloody*Mary

paperclip wrote:

would you mind if he was having it away with someone else?

The was a time a few months ago when I think maybe he was I don't know for certain. I'm always carefull so that isn't an issue and it kind of did bother me at the time but not as much as I would have thought ...he is the one that keeps in contact with me I don't initiate the contact so I really don't think he is going off left right and centre as he wouldn't bother meeting up with me ...i think !!

LegacyUser

i meant more like, if you seen him in a club, smooching another girl, would it bother you?

just, it would bother me, fúck buddies are grand for a few weeks, but after a few months, sounds like you got yourself a boyfriend

Bloody*Mary wrote:

The was a time a few months ago when I think maybe he was I don't know for certain. I'm always carefull so that isn't an issue and it kind of did bother me at the time but not as much as I would have thought ...he is the one that keeps in contact with me I don't initiate the contact so I really don't think he is going off left right and centre as he wouldn't bother meeting up with me ...i think !!

Bloody*Mary

He wouldn't do that around where I live, as he just isn't the type to smooch someone in a club ....never was that type for all the years I've known him ! and the pub he drinks in wouldn't be full of too many women! ...its not like we meet up after a night drinking and go home together it's always when we are sober unless we are out together for a few drinks but we never go on "dates" as such so defo don't thibk it's a girlfriend/boyfriend situation as in if he started going out with someone else I couldn't really complain or feel hard done by cause we have never discussed the situation and the same goes for him.

The_B_Man

sounds like he has it handy to me!

Bloody*Mary

The_B_Man wrote:

sounds like he has it handy to me!

Maybe it's me that has it handy

Raskolnikov

Nah, there shouldn't be any trouble. Just make sure that you're clean if you're not already using protection. You don't want to be introducing any future boyfriend to any embarassing surprises.

tk123

Look you are both happy with the current situation and thats all that matters - forget what the locals think!! Well thats my 2c anyhoos....

kasintahan

If it hurts you (emotionally) to see him with someones else then you'd better talk to him. Otherwise I see nothing wrong.

However I have only know one girl who can confortably do that long term, but that could just be the girls I know.

Bloody*Mary

kasintahan wrote:

If it hurts you (emotionally) to see him with someones else then you'd better talk to him. Otherwise I see nothing wrong.

However I have only know one girl who can confortably do that long term, but that could just be the girls I know.

I won't really know if it will until it happens and then it will be too late!
I just don't know if it is better to move on as maybe because this is going on it's stopping me meeting other guys that might develop into something, maybe I subconciously want this to develop and that why I keep it going or maybe I'm just odd and can have s*x without getting too emotionally involved
I really really fancy him ...I think he is a lovely guy but I don't have brilliant craic with him that I love having with guys I'm going out with, just having a laugh and not having all the serious crap.So thats why i think if he did end up with someone else i'd get over it as I don't think he is right for me long term anyway

Third_Echelon

From what i can make out you seem to be having a bit of typedefing whenever you need it. It works for him as well... leave it at that and enjoy it while it lasts... Sounds like there really isn't that boy/girlfriend emotional attachment there, so yeah you'll more than likely be fcuk buddies only..

If you think its stopping you seeing other people, then it might be best to put a stop to it, but if not, i wouldn't worry about it. Its a regular shag... happy days..

Red Alert

yeah, you seem quite cool about it and by the sounds of it so does he. as the above poster says, as long as it stays that way then grand

LegacyUser

If you meet someone else who you really like you will know it. This sex relationship isn't going to stop that from happening. As long as it suits you both keep it up. And if in the future he wants to end it; let him, if you meet someone else and want to end it make sure to be up front.

As for anyone making aspersions about your reputation; f**k 'em.

I used to be very sexually open and adventurous, once my friends bf, now husband, told me that the reason he fell for her was because she made him wait over a month to have sex with him and it's why he fell in love with her. I think it could have been a veiled hint to me that I'd never find love if I kept sleeping with guys as whenever I felt like it. My opinion was that if a guy couldn't love me because I slept with him as soon as we both wanted, then I certainly didn't have a whole lot of respect for him and didn't want to be with him either.

I've been with my bf for the last 3 years, we love each other, are in the middle of buying a house together, and are planning to get married. And guess what we slept together on the same day that we got together, and he would never have the stupidity to judge me on how soon I slept with him or who I slept with before I met him.

You might be unfortunate enough to come accross people who will judge you negatively for your sex life, but are those really the people who you want in your life? (parents and elderly relatives excluded).

isolde

i think its fine, i did it for a while myself, but then the guy moved away. in ways its just like a casual boyfriend really. like, i wasnt with anyone else while i was with him, but i didnt feel the need to be, as i wasnt looking for a relationship, and enjoyed being with him now and then. we got on well, it served its purpose.

i wouldnt worry what people think. some of my friends didnt think very highly of me for it, but sometimes people just dont understand, because they themselves would never consider doing it.. but that doesnt make what you're doing wrong. that annoys me about people.. if for whatever reason, they wouldnt do it, fine.. but each to their own and all that, live and let live. sometimes casual sex is seen as such a sin in this country. </rant>

kasintahan

Bloody*Mary wrote:

maybe I'm just odd and can have s*x without getting too emotionally involved

Nah, for most guys it's not the sex that's emotional. It's the everyday random stuff that is (at least for me, but I'm VERY strange ).

Irish girls (it seems) usually require emotional attachmnt to justify sex.

I've not found that in many other countries ('cept some asians, but they tend to form emotional attachments much quicker).

I must reiterate that I am emotionally sub-normal , so this is purely my (mostly detached) experience.

Firetrap

I was involved in one of these sort of "relationships" for a few months last year but grew tired of it. It was only a lust thing really. I got fed up of wondering when he'd text (aka when we'd sleep together) and was only too glad to finish it

dearg_doom

Raskolnikov wrote:

Nah, there shouldn't be any trouble. Just make sure that you're clean if you're not already using protection. You don't want to be introducing any future boyfriend to any embarassing surprises.

Just thought I'd ditto this here, as someone who HAS been 'surprised' before so to me it's a pretty important point!

But don't worry too much about what curtain twitchers think!

_blank_

Yeah, keep it like it is for as long as you want to.

If one party becomes more "emotionally" involved, then it is time to either take it to another level, or end it before someone gets hurt.

I had a "cara feic" of my own, but she became more dependant on the "relationship" side of things, so I had to end it.

Of course I was called every bastard under the sun, but at least no-one got really hurt. We are still in contact by the way, just not doing the bould thing.

The Corinthian

The type of relationship you are talking about is increasing commonplace from late twenties onwards, as the last vestiges of catholic education have be finally extinguished and become more comfortable with sex in general.

It’s not for everyone and it is not advisable that you embark or continue such a relationship if you begin to get strongly emotionally attached or the other party does so. When I say strongly, I don’t mean a matter of hurt pride if you see the other party with another individual or a mutual level of affection and respect, but emotional attachment that would demand the commitment of a more orthodox relationship. If this happens, then you have to either come out and ask for such a commitment or call it a day.

Another point to make is that not all such relationships are actually polygamous. Many are de facto monogamous relationships that involve the sex part of the relationship and some light socializing. Having said this, such relationships may be de facto monogamous, but that does not mean that they are exclusive. Neither party is under any obligation to remain faithful (although either may simply because the arrangement is sufficient to their needs) nor so safe sex is advisable.

Are **** buddies acceptable? In modern Western Society, largely yes. Are they for everyone? No, some people are too emotionally susceptible to handle such an arrangement.

wild_eyed

you will eventually realise that one of the parties involved will get attached and if this happens, the other person is just taking advantage.

Bloody*Mary

Thanks for all the input everyone, he rang me on Saturday night to meet up but decided not too as wanted to think about it more and kind of realised that while I do like meeting up with him and the time we spend together I can feel a bit used some of the time and it can't be good for me long term ....and if anyone is going to develop more feelings for the other party I'd say it's more likely to be me (even tho that hasn't happened yet !) So am just going to leave it for awhile and see what happens but would like to start afresh with someone where it doesn't start with s*x.