laters

Shagus

Wolf .. keep it real

the rest of ye .. jesus .. look back in the histories before you post rehashes of the same joke over and over again .. I mean .. show me one of those ltl johnny jokes that hasnt appeared at least 10 times .. sheesh

Anyhow .. after further consideration after me other board lost their site, I won't be posting here again with my collections of crap jokes .. stopped posting int he first place cause I didn't agree so much with the level of censorship (ie. that was sick, not funny .. <in moderators opinion> so gets nuked ) but seeing this is a joke section .. gotta post at least one ..

---

A very big woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a
bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she
pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What
man out there will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. At the
end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slammed his hand on the
bar and said, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.
She turned again to the patrons and pointed around at all of
them, once again revealing her hairy armpit, and demanded,
"What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the little drunk slapped his hand down on the bar
and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and asked, "Say,
it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but
why do you call her a ballerina?"

The little drunk replied, "Sir!, To me, any woman who can lift
her leg that high must be a ballerina ...."

---

A man fell asleep on the beach under the noonday sun and suffered
a severe sunburn and heatstroke. He was taken to the hospital where
his skin was a bright red, painful and started to blister. Anything
that touched him caused agony.

The Doctor attending prescribed continued intravenous feeding of
water and electrolytes, a mild sedative and Viagra.

"What good will Viagra do him in that condition" the nurse inquired.

"It will keep the sheet off of him."

TheWolf

Dont go Shagus Well miss you

Shagus

~~~

There were two old men sitting on a park bench passing the day
away talking. One old man asked the other, "How is your wife?"

Second old man replied, "I think she is Dead!"

First old man, "What do you mean you think she is DEAD??"

Second old man, "Well.... the sex is the same but the dishes
are starting to pile up."

~~~

Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea.

"I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes
me terribly nervous."

"My Billy used to do the same thing," the older woman replied.
"But I broke him of the habit."

"How?"

"I hid his teeth."

TheWolf

lol, the first two i had heard before, but still funny. The second i hadn't heard, and got a chuckle out of me. Good stuff mate, deadly buzz

---

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

Another thing, I've noticed something strange. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in. Think about it...

Pugsley

LOL all n1s .sorry 2 cya go,bubi

Shagus

****it I'll just keep my posts to this thread

In an American history discussion group, the professor was
trying to explain how societies ideal of beauty changes with
time. "For example, he said, "take the 1921 Miss America. She
stood five ft., one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had
measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she'd do in today's
version of the contest?"

The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up,
"Not very well."

"Why is that?" Asked the professor.

"For one thing," the student pointed out, "She'd be way too old."

---

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and
said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car
several miles back?"
The farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

---

After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked
my Recruiter what I could expect from jump school.

"Well," he said, "its three weeks long."

"What else," I asked.

"The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said.
"The second week, they separate the men from the fools."

"And the third week?" I asked.

"The third week, the fools jump."

strat

[This message has been edited by StrataGIST (edited 06-09-2001).]