she never cums, but always peaks

LegacyUser

This isn't a post looking for tips on being the most cunning linguist or a step through foreplay.

My GF and I have been together a long time. No probs in our relationship.

She was a 'complete' virgin when we met and I was pretty inexperienced.

After a number of months messing we tried to have sex. She wasn't capable of taking me and only after a few more months was it what could be described as enjoyable sex, for either of us.

When we first started messing I found it very hard to cum as well, no probs on my own - just exposing my vunerability I guess was difficult. To get over that (a very significant problem for a chap) required me virtually fantasising about ****. Sad but there you have it. Only another thread here let me see that I wasn't alone in experiencing that.

But she stil hasn't cum - and we've been having sex for well over a year and a half. I'm able to excite her no problem, oral, 'digital' and penatrative sex all see her getting very excited, approaching orgasm but never getting there, feeling frustrated afterwards. This isn't a case of me blowing my load too early or anything - I always wait. (well nearly always ).

She's never cum on her own either and doesn't like to masturbate. If I'd never cum by myself first I'd never have cum with her I'd say. Does she need to experience it herself before she can do it with me?

My question is this. Has any girl here had a similar problem and how'd she get over it OR has any bloke here helped a girl over this?

Obviously it's affecting our sex life, but neither of us knows what to call this and simply google it. I don't think it's as simple as technique on my part because she always peaks, often more than once a session.

Thanks

Sleepy

I've been there in a couple of relationships, in the first it was a symptom of an out and out fear of losing control and although we could pinpoint the problem, we were never together long enough to find a solution. Another girlfriend sounds exactly like yours, she loved sex of all kinds but never orgasmed either. It's frustrating as hell and can really make you question your sexual ability but some women seem to have grown up this way (due in large part to our country's historicly backward attitude to human sexuality). A third ex-girlfriend was completely sexually inexperienced before me and had never had an orgasm either. After about 3 or 4 months though, she was relaxed enough and comfortable enough to let go and enjoy herself and once she had the first one, they became a regular occurence.

The best advice I can give you is to buy her a vibrator and let her go play with it on her own for a while. She needs to get past her own fear of letting go before she can let go with you.

simu

Get it sorted wrote:

She's never cum on her own either and doesn't like to masturbate. If I'd never cum by myself first I'd never have cum with her I'd say. Does she need to experience it herself before she can do it with me?

Oh dear, not good. She must not have a clue how to go about it if that's the case. Do a google and you're bound to find some instructions for how to do female masturbation - get her to try.

iMax

buy a vibrator & use it together. Do NOT buy a rabbit, just a plain old simple vibrator. Use it together & learn what works, it'll also help her relax.

*Page*

my best advice is forget about trying to cum and just enjoy each other it will happen when she's ready.
i've been sexually active for 6 years now and have only in the last year actually cum..
i was never able to make myself cum either. then i met my current boyfriend and he just tried different ways speed's eveything and it just happened i was relaxed wasn't worried about cumming or not(he said it will happen when your ready) so i stopped trying and he didn't he kept on trying to get me to cum clit stimulation during penitration everything. as i said one day i just came i shook from head to foot could breath tingled all over. he has even made me project cum once since.

Sleepy

That post reminds me of one of the strangest things I've ever had with a girlfriend. One of the girls I mentioned in my last post used to squirt unbelievably during certain activities but still didn't actually orgasm. Women, ye're funny creatures.

D

Climaxing is an involuntry action, If I ordered you to start sweating or fall asleep you couldn't. You don't climax because you want to, you climax because the physical pleasure makes you. She probably feels pressure to come and the harder she tries the less likely that it is going to happen. Just take your time during sex and most importantly when she is coming close to climax don't change your rythym or the force of your thrusts. She needs to start having sex to enjoy it and not to climax, then the climaxes should follow.

D

simu wrote:

Oh dear, not good. She must not have a clue how to go about it if that's the case. Do a google and you're bound to find some instructions for how to do female masturbation - get her to try.

www.the-clitoris.com

very good site.

Seraphina

ok yeah she needs to start doing it herself. if she cannot even play with herself, how on earth is she gonna relax enough to orgasm when you're playing with her?
i found myself that while i could easily do it myself, with each new guy it takes a while to find the rhythm etc. and really start enjoying it. i know you said you've been at it a while, but if she doesn't even know how she likes it herself, how can you be expected to help her? if she's really put off by the whole masturbation thing, that could be a factor. i mean how can she enjoy sex if she doesn't enjoy masturbation? seems odd to me. but then i started doing it way before i even knew what i was doing, so i've never felt any 'stigma' or weirdness doing it.

senordingdong

I disagree.

I was once with a girl that never masturbated and she was able to orgasm...very easily too.

Humblebee

senordingdong wrote:

I disagree.

I was once with a girl that never masturbated and she was able to orgasm...very easily too.

Erm, find that very difficult to believe. Perhaps she was just stroking your ego?

senordingdong

No.

Infact, it is easier to pleasue a girl that doesn't masturbate.
A girl that does masturbate is most likely used to her own touch/method/rhythm etc...(this list is endless) and it will therefore take a man ages to learn how to do it 'her way'.

Think about it.

Humblebee

senordingdong wrote:

No.

Infact, it is easier to pleasue a girl that doesn't masturbate.
A girl that does masturbate is most likely used to her own touch/method/rhythm etc...(this list is endless) and it will therefore take a man ages to learn how to do it 'her way'.

Think about it.

Um, every person has their own 'way', regardless. It's kinda sad that she can't masturbate, don't you think? I mean, what's she gonna do when you're out of town?

I am MAN

My girlfriend has never masturbated and it doesnt bother her. She is able to cum and enjoy sex from very early on.

No she is not lying to me.

Humblebee

Ok, maybe it's possible. But I guess I just think it's kinda weird that a girl wouldn't WANT or try to learn to do it on her own. I kinda view girls who don't masturbate as being inhibited in some way.

I am MAN

Humblebee wrote:

Ok, maybe it's possible. But I guess I just think it's kinda weird that a girl wouldn't WANT or try to learn to do it on her own. I kinda view girls who don't masturbate as being inhibited in some way.

Personally I couldnt imagine not masturbating but I genuinely believe alot of woman just dont do it and are happy without doing it, We get to have sex almost daily and i'm her first serious/sexual boyfriend so maybe if we broke up she would attempt it..

Humblebee

Well, a lot of girls don't like talking about masturbation. It's funny how guys can talk about it to ANYONE, be with us it's kinda a big, dark secret. Girls hardly ever talk about it with other girls, nevermind with guys!

To the original poster: the most important thing is that she's relaxed and there's no pressure on her to 'deliver'...and maybe that she knows and BELIEVES that you love her (for some girls this isn't important, but for a lot of us, it's imperative).

I am MAN

I know alot of girls dont like talking about it espcially openly in a social situation like men but when in a serious relationship I think it would be very odd not to

kaimera

Sleepy wrote:

She needs to get past her own fear of letting go before she can let go with you.

gotta go with this tbh.

Been there and when she's comfortable it'll work out. meanwhile enjoy what you got and quit worrying. Try not let her make a big deal out of it...

oh...and like the bulmers add :: "nothing added but time..."

Limited156

kaimera wrote:

gotta go with this tbh.
Been there and when she's comfortable it'll work out. meanwhile enjoy what you got and quit worrying. Try not let her make a big deal out of it...
oh...and like the bulmers add :: "nothing added but time..."

Obviously plenty of people will gain this through growing accustumed to their partner etc. but any advice for those who don't just get comfortable (even given time) despite an otherwise happy relationship?

WhiteWashMan

iMax wrote:

Do NOT buy a rabbit,

you really ought to qualify that statement you know....

would a hare be better?

woolymammoth

i think he's talking abouth the Bunny Vibrator...

WhiteWashMan

woolymammoth wrote:

i think he's talking abouth the Bunny Vibrator...

you know, i *am* that stupid....

WhiteWashMan

I am MAN wrote:

but I genuinely believe alot of woman just dont do it and are happy without doing it, .

why?

Mohanned

Moderator I am sorry if this inappropriate:-

She has to frig herself. My x had the same problem but now resolved

Sleepy

Limited156 wrote:

Obviously plenty of people will gain this through growing accustumed to their partner etc. but any advice for those who don't just get comfortable (even given time) despite an otherwise happy relationship?

See a counsellor?

Seriously, there's something wrong if you're not sexually comfortable with yourself or your partner after any significant amount of time.

pickarooney

Sleepy wrote:

See a counsellor?

Seriously, there's something wrong if you're not sexually comfortable with yourself or your partner after any significant amount of time.

The problem is that it can be just as difficult, if not moreso, to open up to a counsellor about sexual issues as to open up to a lover.
A keen sense of timing is important, find out when she's most likely to receptive and slowly, slowly, talk her into a mood where the actual physics is just a secondary consideration.

I am MAN

WhiteWashMan wrote:

why?

Because I have alot of female friends who I can openly talk too and some of them just dont do it or have much interest in doing it.

WhiteWashMan

I am MAN wrote:

Because I have alot of female friends who I can openly talk too and some of them just dont do it or have much interest in doing it.

I am MAN wrote:

I know alot of girls dont like talking about it espcially openly in a social situation

seriously dude, which is it now?
i mean, random, one sentence, conflicting statements do not a good argument make....

i tend to think that while you are in your first relationship, are having regular sex, and now feel like you know the world and its partners backwards, you may just be a little niave about some things.

i suspect if you did a poll on the subject, and it was answered truthfully, i think you would find that probably 40-50% of women on these boards masturbate on a regular basis (ie once a week), and about 70-80% would do it within a month.

i think you have yet to realise that women have as much an interest as men do, and as a good friend of mine once said, if you treat a woman like a godess, not only will she swallow, she will gargle.
and thats just for starters.


on the other hand, just like men, there are some people out there who are just not interested. but sex is an important part of a loving relationship (unless you happen to be those 2 people in 5 million who have no interest in sex). sex is just important to some people full stop.
most people learn what they do and dont like in their teens through self discovery. its natural that people will take an interest in their own bodies, and lets face it, having a ****, whether you are male or female, just feels good!
and thats why people do it!
if someone claims they have never masturbated, id be very sceptical, after all, how do they know if they like it or not? and thats a lot of night spent on your own to have your arms over the covers

*Page*

from a women, most women do play with themselves and most women lie about doing it.

I am MAN

What I said was not conflicting, I have female friends who I am close to and can discuss this type of thing with them, it's a close circle. As for the statement I made, it's true girls wont discuss it as openly as men for example sitting in a room with a group of lads you would often hear "had a deadly **** last night" or something similar, Woman wont come out and say "that was a lovely finger bang just there" but they will talk about it openly if its appropiate.

In my world anyway.

Evil Phil

I am MAN wrote:

"had a deadly **** last night"

I've never heard somebody say something like that or anything remotely similar.

I am MAN

Evil Phil wrote:

I've never heard somebody say something like that or anything remotely similar.

Ok then maybe you should pay attention to the bottom part of my post "in my world", we joke and say alot of stuff like that around my kneck of the woods.

*Page*

"that was a lovely finger bang just there"

????

what was that ment to be??

i and a few of my female friends have talked about masturbation. and i nor they have ever said anything so vulger(*sp)

plus we dont go on like "if you do that you feel this"ect... but we do say its ok and i really enjoy myself...

I am MAN

*Page* wrote:

"that was a lovely finger bang just there"

????

what was that ment to be??

i and a few of my female friends have talked about masturbation. and i nor they have ever said anything so vulger(*sp)

plus we dont go on like "if you do that you feel this"ect... but we do say its ok and i really enjoy myself...

In my world

*Page*

you have not explained though??

I am MAN

*Page* wrote:

you have not explained though??

Are you serious? finger bang = female masturbation in a vulgar amusing way(to me anyway)

the end.

Beruthiel

could we get back to the topic of this thread please!
B

Evil Phil

Again I've never heard somebody say that.

In my world.

Anyway *Page* is right afaik. Most women do it and most lie about it. Maybe the OP's girlfriend needs to experiment on her own and they need to stop focusing on the orgasms and just enjoy themselves.

<oops, Anna posted before moi. soz>

The Clown Man

I know loads of people who comment on their previous nights ****. Just to be annoying I think.

I also know quite a few women friends who claim that they never orgasm and they are totally fine with it. Well, as fine as acceptance can be.

And I also was actually with one girl who claimed the she had never orgasmed in her life even though she had been with a guy for 5 years and been with a few more since. 15 minutes of playtime and she orgasmed. I really dunno what the other lads were doing but she seemed happy enough! I think it was because some girls reach a "peak" and they can't take any more because it becomes too intense. So they leave the stimulation at that. However, give them a pillow to bite or something and keep on going and they will actually orgasm properly. And they seem to have pretty good orgasms. I've noticed this a couple of times before anyway.

The General

Drink?
Im with my girlfriend 3 nearly 4 years now and it took us a while to start having proper sex(sex we both enjoyed) she always tells me she enjoys sex more whens shes a little tipsy because she never worries about anything then. When i say 'she never worries about anything' i mean the usual **** womne worry about weight, how they look with no clothes on etc

Seraphina

The Clown Man wrote:

And they seem to have pretty good orgasms.

pretty good? given the right situation mine last for 30 seconds to a minute. mmmmm
thats why its so much harder for women to orgasm, there's just a hell of alot more work involved, and alot women seem to think they're unable to, just because they haven't tried hard enough.
of course all those guys out there jamming their fingers here and there without a clue what they're doing doesn't help, but what are ya gonna do about it?
the thing i find most annoying is alot of men seem to get offended when you try and offer advice as to how to do it better. as if trying to help them is somehow taking away from their manliness. the original poster himself said he doesn't need technique advice, so he clearly doesn't think that there's any problem with what he's doing. unfortunately since the girl has never done it herself he could be doing it backwards and she wouldn't know.

its something i talk fairly openly about with some of my mates, but then again there are other friends i have who actually seem genuinely grossed out by it. that confuses me to no end, but each to their own i guess. maybe they do it but just aren't comfortable with talking about it /me shrugs.

Evil Phil

Some of my ex-girlfriends were only to happy to explain what they wanted - others genuinely hadn't a clue when asked.

RuggieBear

Seraphina wrote:

the thing i find most annoying is alot of men seem to get offended when you try and offer advice as to how to do it better. as if trying to help them is somehow taking away from their manliness.

it depends how the advice is offered.....i've had girls who have completely killed my mood by barking out orders "do this...do that, don't look at that...." :eek: I'm all for getting it right but i don't want to be shouted at.....

Sleepy

If a guy's not going to take pointers how the hell else does he expect to learn? Reading a book? Watching Porn? My god the kind of sex some people must be having *shudder*

bombidol

Women are just mad in general. i dont get the whole "unconfident" thing myself a lot of the time. Its a frickin buzz word nowadays.

Scruff

Wasnt there a program on Channel 4 all about women who couldnt orgasm and underwent surgery to enable the to???

ah yes, here it is. knew i wasnt faking it
http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/0-9/4health/sex/sar_orgasm.html

useful links on there for ladies suffering from "Anorgasmia "as its called

*Page*

imagin women under went surgry years ago because they did orgasm!?

Evil Phil

Female circumcision? Isn't that primarily to prevent orgasm?

Beruthiel

keep on topic please
B

Wibbs

Altough some people have already given some helpful advice already, I thought I'd throw my 2 cents in.

Don't be so focused on getting her "there" as this may put more stress on her to "perform". Try not to concentrate on the obvious places. Think of her whole body(and mind) as an errogenous zone. Learn about her body and take it slow. Try different things, talk to and listen to her and watch her reactions. When you find something she likes keep going and be consistent. Observe how she touches you as most people tend to touch their partner the way they like to be touched in return. In the end (cliche alert) it's all down to communication as arousal and orgasm has often more to do with the area between the ears than between the legs.

I can only imagine your frustration but keep trying. I can think of worse things to be practising in your spare time.