TOTP

stu_69

Just got this in an email is a bit old but is still funny(a little)

Here's the rundown of a classic Top Of The Pops for Friday, April 16
1999...

Kicked off with 'Phats & Small' and their smash hit "Turn Around".
Phats and Small are two fat, small men, placed strategically behind
tables with the words "Phats" and "Small" emblazoned on them,
presumably to eliminate all doubt about which one was which. Each had
a pair of technics with two records playing, making a total of four
records played simultaneously, surely the first time this has been
done on TOTP. Their technical skills (and the precise lip-synching of
their athletic frontman) had the crowd screaming for more, and Phats
And Small duly delivered.

Next up was 'Meatloaf and Patti Russo' with "Is nothing sacred ?" -
performing in an atmospheric vampire's boudoir festooned with candles
and toilet paper rolls, they sang their duet in what seemed like
genuine agony.

Then we had 'TLC' singing their song "No Scrubs" to a hallfull of
people looking at each other mouthing "what ?" and shrugging their
shoulders. Regardless, TLC turned in a great performance and impressed
with a sensitive dance interpretation of Wallace in "The Wrong
Trousers".

Next were the 'Cranberries' with "Promises" - this Irish band has
overcome a turbulent but successful year and returned with this
roaring comeback single, fronted by their charming but rather intense
lead singer. However there are fears that her microphone technique
renders her vocals intelligible - the only words I could pick up were
"howay", albeit sung repeatedly and with conviction.

Then 'Glamma Kid and Shola Ama' with "Sweetest Taboo" - a song that
was once a hit for the wonderfully expansive-mouthed Sade, updated as
a duet for the swingbeat-and-ragga-friendly nineties. "Sometimes I
think you're just too good for me" trilled Shola fawningly while the
Kid (dressed in Martin Bell's old white linen suit) did the splits and
humped her leg.

Next were the 'New Radicals' with "You get what you give" - while I
agreed with the sentiment, I couldn't shake the suspicion that the
lead singer was in fact "Animal" from the hit Police Academy films,
with his hat pulled over his face to prevent identification.

Tonight was notable for the much heralded return of Ginger Geri Spice,
or 'Geri Halliwell' as she is now known, launching her solo career as
a U.N. peace envoy with her single "Look At Me". The video, shot in
black & white, was an excellent example of postmodernist neo-
surrealist romanticism, with its shifting intertextuality, syncopated
editing rhythm, disconnected spatio-temporal grammar, and its
references to Bunuel, 40s film noir, and the new Guinness ad. The
story seemed to revolve around Geri in a wedding dress, trapped in a
phone booth, being chased by a mob of Italian waiters who somehow
never seemed to catch her, while copies of Geri (in various revealing
costumes including a nun's habit) gyrated, wore monocles, smoked
cigarettes and played on railway tracks. I was pleased that she has
now successfully ditched her 4-6-year old audience and moved upmarket,
but worry that she may now be perceived as a negative role model for
20-something film students.

But the highlight of the night was definitely the Phoenix-like
comeback of Tiff, the much put-upon plucky barmaid from Albert Square,
straight in at number one with "Perfect Moment". Buoyed by a wave of
admiration and sympathy (even love) from the swaying crowd that
recalled Princess Diana's funeral, Tiffany showed that she has put her
troubles (single motherhood, gay brother, deadbeat dad, mother
sleeping with Grant, Grant chucking her down the stairs, Frank Butcher
running her over in the car) firmly behind her, and is now truly
Britain's Answer To Celine Dion and the Sixth Spice Girl (Beer
Spice ?) rolled into one.

All in all, an evening that proves conclusively that British Popular
Culture is alive and well, and truly deserves its position as the most
creative, uncompromising and admired scene in the world.

I'm off to watch Friends now...