THE VOODOO PENIS

stu_69

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his
wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he
thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was
gone.
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He
thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man
for him.
He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please
his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.
He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of
anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special
attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her
occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked. The old man reached under
the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange
symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking
dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like every other
dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to
a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door." The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose
out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the key-hole.
The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack
began to form down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said
"Voodoo Penis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to
the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the
business- man.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finally surrendered to
$738 in cash and an imitation Rolex.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that
to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch." He left for
his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd
been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several
people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the Voodoo
Penis.
She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The
Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping.
It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.
After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided
she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her
husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She
put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every
thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredible intense orgasm made her
swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled
her over.
He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink
officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it
won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant
voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"

Mr Pussy

lol.To long 2 say back 2 my m8s!

Penos

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YOU ARE NOT THE CONTENTS OF UR WALLET!!!

TheWolf

lol, brilliant stuff stu. Was just about to post that but you bet me to it. Well done mate, il give ya 8 out of 10 for the joke, and 10 out of 10 for the effort with all the jokes posted recently...

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"A man works hard to keep the wolf from the door. Then his daughter grows up and brings one home..."

entropi

ROFL, had a good laugh at that.Top marks for ya.

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That island has freedom written all over it" Sir, that's Cuba. [url="HTTP://WWW.thesimpsons.com"]look at that smithers!![/url]

BlitzKrieg

Could have swore i saw it before (no offence meant)

Kraken

ya did blitz i posted it a while back