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some sick jokes

  • 08-08-2001 1:37pm
    #1
    stu_69
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 568 ✭✭✭


    Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says,
    "You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she'd been there for three weeks. Man, I'm tellin' you, her clit was just like a pickle."
    "What," the other asks, "green?".
    "No," says the first, " a bit sour."

    Man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my ass"
    The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and let have a look". "**** me!!" says the doctor " what could have made a hole as big as that?"
    Patient replies I've been ****ed by an elephant".
    The doctor says "An elephants penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous".
    Patient replies "He fingered me first".

    Three whores decide to see who has the biggest snatch. They get naked, and start fingering themselves and each other.

    After a few minutes, the first one squats on a glass top table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves.

    The second one then squats on the table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves, which is even bigger.

    The third one squats on the table, but when she stands back up, the first whore says, "You didn't leave an outline."

    She says, "Smell the rim."



    Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.

    The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"

    The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."



    Not My Kind Of Date

    A cop stops his police car when he sees a couple sitting on the curb. The chap is laying on his side with his trousers pulled down, the girl has her finger in his *******, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.

    The cop says, "What the hell is going on here?"

    The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."

    The cop says, "That's not gonna make him puke."

    She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."




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