Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

More Little Johnny

  • 04-08-2001 7:43am
    #1
    stu_69
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 568 ✭✭✭


    Little Johnny is in a class where every Friday the teacher asks a question and if you get it right you don't have to go to school on Monday.The fist friday the question was how many gallons of water is there in the whole world. No one knew so they all had to go to school on Monday. Next Friday the question was how many grains of sand is there in the whole world. No one knew so they had to sgo to school on Monday. By this time Little Johnny is getting mad because he doesn't want to go to school on Monday, so he paints two ping-pong balls black and the next Friday right before the teacher asked the question he rolled the two blach ping-pong balls up to her and she said,"Who is the comedian with two black balls?" Little Johnny said," Bill Cosby. See you on Tuesday."


    one day little jonny was playing with his toy train and it was goin round and round when he stoped it he said, "all u sons a *****es gettin on get on and all u sons a *****es gettin off get off." hes mother comes in and say, " what did u say young man. go to your room and think about what u said. so after 4 hours his mother comes and say come eat supper and then u can play with your train again. so after supper little jonny goes back to his train and says, " all u sons a *****es gettin on get on and all u sons a *****es gettin off get off and all u sons a *****es ****ed off about the delay talk to the ***** in the kitchen!!!"


    Class dismissed! the teacher yelled. but little johnny doesn't go, he walks to the teachers desk and says teacher can i go home with you? The teacher says no! little johnny says i'll tell my daddy so the teacher says okay. They get to the teachers house and she says well i'm going to take a quick shower, you sit right here. Can i take a shower with you he asks, NO! says the teacher i'll tell my daddy!! well okay, i guess so. So there in the shower and little johnny says, can i turn off the lights? No!says the teacher. i'll tell my daddy. well okay. so the lights are off and little johnny says can i stick my finger in your belly button? NO! says the teacher i'll tell my daddy. Well okay.....says the teacher. JOHNNY!!!!,that's not my belly-button, yeah? and that's not my finger eather!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    Mrs. Smith, a third grade teacher wanted the class to play a game where
    one
    pupil starts drawing on the board, then one by one, other pupils add to
    it.

    She thinks, and decides not to start with Johnny, because he is so
    naughty
    and always has some "unusual" picture in mind. So she starts with
    Jane,who draws on the chalk board.

    Jane: "This is a house"

    /\
    / \
    / \
    / \
    I I
    I I
    I I
    I I
    The teacher: "Good, Jane!" and asks Peter to draw next:
    Peter: "This is the front door to the house"

    /\
    / \
    / \
    / \
    I I
    I __ I
    I I I I
    I I_ I I


    The teacher: "Very good, Peter" and calls Mary:

    Mary: "This is snow on the roof of the house"

    /\
    /UU\
    / \
    / \
    I I
    I __ I
    I I I I
    I I_ I I

    The teacher: "Very nice, Mary" and calls on Stevie:

    Stevie: "And this is the sun over the house."

    \I/
    > O O >

    There once was a little boy named johny. And he was talking a walk down the street,he found something on the road he was not sure what it was. Then this man came running towards him out of breath and said hey kid that is mine.Then little Johny said oh well i found it first and the older man was getting mad becuse that was a condum and he needed it then he rememders he has a loney in his pocket and says hey little boy i will give you this loney if i can have that hum that donnut.Then little johny replied ok. So next thing you know little johny was right at his house and he walked in and he had a really big smile on his face and little johny's mom said why are you so happy then johny replied because this man on the street gave me this loney for this donnut i had but what he does not know i licked all the jelly out.



    One night when little johnny and his dad were taking a shower, little johnny asked, "hey dad, what's that?" the dad replies, "thats my ferrari" the next day, little johnny has a shower with his mum and asks, "mum, whats that?" the mum replies "thats my garage" later that night johnny had a bad dream and sleeps in the middle of his mum and dad. The dad asks little johnny,"move over son your dad needs to park his ferrari in the garage. Little johnny says "too late, my porsche is already in there!"



    Little Jonny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day.
    The first one says, "My Daddy is so cool he can eat four Burgers at one meal."
    The second one says, "That's nothing. My Daddy can eat six." Little Jonny starts
    laughing and says, "My Daddy can eat light bulbs." The other two boys tell Jonny that
    he is out of his mind. They ask him why he thinks His daddy can eat light bulbs and
    Little Jonny replies, "Last night I was passing my parents room and my Daddy said,
    'Hunny turn out that light I want to eat that thing.'"


    Little Johnny's neighbor has just had a little boy. The only problem is that the baby doesn't have any ears. Everyone who comes to see the baby compliments the woman on it's looks, but no one mentions the fact that it doesn't have any ears. Suddenly, she sees Little Johnny coming over from next door. She becomes very worried because she thinks that he is going to make fun of the baby. When he enters the house, he compliments the baby on everything without mentioning its' ears. Without warning, he says," he has beautiful eyes, does he have 20/20 vision?" So she thanks him and asks why. Finally he says,"Well, it's a damn good thing because if he didn't, he wouldn't have damn thing to hang his glasses on now would he?!"


    A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying,
    "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

    After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said,
    "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?

    Little Johnny replied,
    "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."




    A teacher was trying to make best of her pyschology courses. She asked if anyone was stupid to please stand up. Little johnny stood up. The teacher said "You think your'e stupid?" Little johnny said "No, but I hate to see you standing up there by yourself."


    One day little Johnny comes home one day from school and his mom asks him how his day was.
    He replies, "Mom, today I had sex with the teacher!"
    Immediately she was angry. She said, "just wait 'till your dad gets home, he's going to be very mad at you. Go to your room!" So the boy goes to his room and finally his dad is home and comes up to the room. The boy tells his dad and the dad is proud of the boy.
    "Great job son! How old are you 12?13? How about we go down to the store and get that shiny red bicycle you wanted?"
    So, they go to the store and the dad buys the bike for his son. Then he says, "well Johnny, do you want to ride the bike home?"
    The boy answers, " No, that's okay Dad, My ass is still sore!"


    It was the first day of school.
    Each member of this third grade class had to go up to the black board and draw a representation of their summer.
    Little Jonny got up and drew a dot.
    The teacher asked him what it was supposed to represent.
    He replied..."It is a period"
    The teacher said, "What does that have to do with your summer."
    Jonny said...."Well my 15 year-old sister couldn't find hers, so my mom fainted, my dad had a heartattack, and the 21 year-old guy next door shot himself!"


    little johnny is in sunday school and the teacher asks the class where jesus is today, and paul raises his hand and says,"jesus is in my heart cuz i love him very much." Mary raises her hand and says,"jesus is in heaven cuz he's dead." johnny screams out loud,"jesus is in my damn bathroom," and the teacher,"says why is that," and johnny replies,every morning my dad screams,"JESUS CRHIST, ARE U STILL IN THERE."


    Little Johnny runs into class late one day n the teacher asks why he was late. He answered me n Billy got chased by a car. The teacher asked where's Billy. Little Johnny answered the car hit him in the ass. The teacher said you mean rectum. Johnny replied
    Rectum?(wrecked him)it damn near killed him!



    One day while Little johnny was in class they were studying definately. So the teacher went "can anyone tell me something that is definate". So then Molly raised her hand and said "The sky is definately blue". " no I'm sorry the sky is not definately blue".So then Little Johnny raised his hand and said is a fart chunky. I'm sorry johnny but I don't want that langue is not good in my classroom."But just tell me the answer:". NO Johnny. Please I will never be bad in class again.ok. No Johnny a fart is not chunky. "OK"then I definately pooped in my pants!!!




Advertisement