Some shorties

stu_69

Wife Swapping

Two couples had gone away for the week-end. The two guys, Jack and Bill,
have decided to try to persuade their wives to a bit of partner swapping for
the night - and after several drinks that night they succeed.

Jack knows it's that time of the month for his wife and the thought of Bill
not knowing this makes him smile.

The guys have agreed that when they sit around the breakfast table the
following morning, they will tap their teaspoon on the side of their coffee
mug the number of times that they did it with each other's wives. Clever
enough!

The next morning they are all at the breakfast table, slightly hungover and
quite uncomfortable, when Jack proudly taps his teaspoon 3 times against his
coffee mug.

After a brief moment of thinking, Bill takes his teaspoon and taps it once
on the strawberry jam and 3 times on the nutella.

Two Monks

Two monks are ordered to paint a room in the monastery, and the last instruction was that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two monks decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the monks. "Blind lady," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two monks look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind lady into the room, they open the door. "Nice todgers," says the lady, "where do you want these blinds?"

How was it for you?

A chicken and an egg were laying next to each other in bed. The chicken was smoking a cigarette, and with a very ****ed-off look the egg said, "Well.... I guess that answers THAT long asked question!"

Question

Why do men wear hair gel and aftershave?

Because they're often under increasing pressure from a society which over simplifies the process of ascertaining ones worth and attractiveness by reducing someone down to individual physical attributes.

...or is it because they're ugly and they smell bad?

School Trip

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavour than you could ever imagine. "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavoured lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the children was stumped. "I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time. "Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, "Spit 'em out, you guys, they’re a$$holes!"

An old lady, slightly mad, is wandering round the old folks home with her
zimmer on wheels. Another loony suddenly stops her in the corridor and says,
"Show me your driving licence". The old woman fiddles about in her pocket and
pulls out a sweet wrapper. He checks it and lets her go on her way. Another
man stops her and demands to see her tax disc. She presents a coaster which
the lunatic checks before letting her pass on. She carries on and spots
another man standing with his penis hanging out. She quickly turns away and
says to herself, "Oh no, not that bloody breathalyser again!"





[This message has been edited by stu_69 (edited 03-08-2001).]

Victor

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by stu_69:
"Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, "Spit 'em out, you guys, they’re *******s!"
</font>

Eh? give us a hint.

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Kill, kill, kill the laser mice.