These should last ya a while...

TheWolf

Ok, lifes been hectic so I haven't been able to post much, so heres some of the best jokes i've come across. Il post some more when I get a chance...

Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q: Why did Barbi get thrown out of the toy box?
A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A: If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snow blower coming.

Q: What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment.

Q: What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute.

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.

Q: What do a bungee jumper and a gay man have in common?
A: If the rubber breaks, they're both in deep shít!

Q: Why did The Lord give women nipples?
A: To make suckers out of men.

Q: What are the two greatest lies?
A: "The check is in the mail," and "I promise I won't cum in your mouth."

Q: How do you tell if you are in a gay church?
A: Only half the congregation is kneeling.

Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potatoe?
A: A DíckTater!

Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?
A: "Honey, I'm home."

Q: Did you hear about the generic form of Viagra?
A: It’s name is: "mycoxafloppin".

Q: How do you know when you are getting old?
A: When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

Q: Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause ?
A: Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins !

Q: What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A: They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

Q: What's the definition of trust?
A: Two cannibals giving each other a blówjob.

Q: Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
A: When she takes it off, you wonder where her títs went.

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay ?
A: They don't have time.

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg ?
A: They don't stop for directions.

Q:Whats the difference between a rooster and a hooker?
A:A rooster says cócka-doodle-doo a hooker says any cóck will do.

Q: Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas station attendant?
A: Right before the tanks were full, he would pull out the nozzle and spray gas all over the car.

Q: What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
A: One says ribbit ribbit, the other one says rub-it, rub-it!

Q: What do a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
A: They can both smell it but they can't eat it.

Q: What is the difference between a drug pusher and a prostitute?
A: A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q: Why did the condom cross the road?
A: Because it was píssed off.

Q: What does KFC and a woman have in common?
A: Once you're done with the breasts and the thighs, there's still a greasy box to put your bone in.

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: "It might take me a while to get hard I just got layed last night."

Q: What happens if you put the Energizer Bunny's batteries in backwards?
A: He keeps coming and coming and coming...

Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
A: Burger King didn't cover his Whopper.

Q: Why are electric trains like a mother's breasts?
A: They were both designed for the kids, but it's the fathers who are always playing with them.

Q: If you get malaria from mosquitoes and lime disease from ticks, what do you get AIDS from?
A: grASS-HOPPERS.

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: "I don't know why you're shaking...she's gonna EAT me!"

Q: Why did The Lord create alcohol?
A: So ugly people can get laid too.

Q: What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
A: Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.

Q: What did Adam say to Eve?
A: Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets!

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
A: Hold unto your nuts-This is no ordinary Blów Job!

Q: Why do women have two holes so close together?
A: Incase men miss!

Q: Why do women have two holes so close together?
A: So you can carry them home like a six-pack!

Q: How do you get 4 queers on a bar stool?
A: Turn it upside down!

Q: Where is an elephant's sex organ?
A: Under it's feet-if it steps on you, you're fúcked!

Q: What's organic dental floss?
A: Pubic hair!

Q: What's long, hard, and has semen in it?
A: A submarine!

Q: What's so bad about being a díck?
A: Your closest mates are 2 nuts and an ass hole, your master covers you in a plastic bag, And every time you get excited you spew.

Q: What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!

Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Because his díck was stuck up the chicken's ass.

Q: Why do men masturbate?
A: It's sex with someone they love.

Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they wouldn't hump women's legs at ****tail parties.

Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.

Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?
A: A cóck that sticks to the roof of your mouth!

Q: What's the similarity between brussel sprouts and pubic hair?
A: You push them aside and keep on eating!

Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
A: Say, "Niiiiice díck..."

Q: How do you know you're leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."

Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don't work.

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts.

Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
A: Because they have cotton balls.

Q: What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A: A cóck that stays up all night.

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"A man works hard to keep the wolf from the door. Then his daughter grows up and brings one home..."

BlitzKrieg

thx wolf


well

Penos

JESUS I'VE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD IN MY LIFE!
SERIOUSLY WHERE DID U FIND THOOSE JOKES!!!!