Problem with women.

Kimbot

Folks I need some advice please.

I am not a bad looking chap alot of women think I'm attractive but why can't I find someone. I'm 22 and in the past 6 years I've had 3 major relationships. I have been treated like an idiot in all three and now lack confidence (i never show this when i'm out) in myself. I don't like the pub scene and I wonder where could I find a nice kind hearted girl to share my life with without being hurt again. If you need anymore info please ask.

Cheers.

WhiteWashMan

jonny24ie wrote:

I have been treated like an idiot in all three

what is the common theme in all your relationships, and why do you feel this is so?

jonny24ie wrote:

find a nice kind hearted girl to share my life with without being hurt again.

korean brides on line.

if you can find out any other way, let the rest of the world know.

Kimbot

1. I'm too kind and nice to women and they walk all over me because of this. I don't like seeing women as objects and I would never do that.

2. Be alot more serious please.

Beruthiel

if you allow yourself to be a doormat, you will get walked on
stay single for a while and work on yourself

Kimbot

Beruthiel I don't allow it, when I tell them they are treating me like crap that causes the breakup, because I have a spine when its called for they say get lost.

galwaydude

i was like you too up until a year ago and one night i was out with my friends and i met my current gf.As ruth said stay single for a while and work out your issues you have and gain some confidence.Try new things, go travelling!!.Dont let this get you down. Its not the end of the world as there are plenty more decent women out there, i should know i found one after a few dead ducks.

Kimbot

I know and I'm sorting myself out now that is why I posted. I am not upset about loosing them as far as I care they messed with my head and we split but it has happened so often that I don't want it to happen again. I have lost most of my friends and I have nobody right now and I will only trust set ups through friends now but I don't have any anymore.

koneko

3 women that have treated you the same? not a coincidence. Stop picking girls that are the same, try something else this time. I would find it hard to believe all 3 were nice as pie and then suddenly turned on you, you're probably picking the wrong type of girls. You're torturing yourself here, no one is making you go out with them, you're chosing these girls yourself.

Time alone would be good indeed, so you can work things out in your head. Build up some confidence, and try not to worry about settling down with someone, you're only 22!

swiss

jonny24ie wrote:

2. Be alot more serious please.

What makes you think he isn't being serious?

Let me put it this way. You've questioned as to where you can find a nice kind hearted girl. I don't know if that question is rhetorical or not, perhaps you think a nice kind hearted girl will respond, perhaps you think someone can point you to a place where all the nice kind hearted girls hang out.

Whatever the case, the substantive point remains that girls of any hue don't just come flocking, unless you happen to be particularly attractive or wealthy (sorry girls, just basing that opinion on observation). Even if they did, how would you know they were kind hearted? Because they say so? I'm afraid you would have to find out just like the rest of us.

So given all of that, the difficulty everyone has in meeting kind girls, why not make the point that it (on the surface at least) it is as easy to trawl the Internet for that kind of girl as opposed to have to do it in real-life™. It's not as if any of us have a magic formula.

As Beruthial says, perhaps it would be better to deal with the conditions that contributed to how you were treated in the past. You don't have to turn into a bastard, but perhaps it would be best to enjoy and work on your independence and sense of self worth. You don't need girls to do that.

Kimbot

I know, the first two were exactly alike and the third one was so nice to me for 2 and a half years and then just turned nasty on me in the space of an hour. I will be taking time to myself now, I'm going to see a counsillor to get it all off my chest because I need a clean slate. I don't exactly want to settle down when I'm 22 but I do what female friends that will treat me with respect and if it goes further than that then its ok.

galwaydude

well since your in dublin from info in your profile.Why dont you join some sort of club, i know it sounds like a cliche!.Your only 22 not the end of the world
Also one doesnt need a woman to be happy, be happy for yourself and enjoy your own company.It doesnt take to be with someone else to be happy in life.Also what ruthie said dont let people walk all over you.I did that with one woman years ago and never again!!!Best of luck man.

Kimbot

what does why don't you join some sort sort mean galway dude i'm not with you on that.

galwaydude

i had an attack of mispelling there, anyways your only 22.Go out and enjoy yourself.Find some time for yourself and work on your confidence.

seamus

Some sort of club, I think he meant to say.

If you're not into pubbing, then you have to find some other way to meet people. Work can sometimes present you with a limited social scene.

Kimbot

I'm not into the Pub/Club scene.

stagolee

i dont think he meant nightclub, he probably meant a hobby type club like nightcousres in a language or swing dancing or martial arts or something

TattyTeddy

I think you should really stop thinking about it so much. You may find that all these girls are walking all over you but surely life is a series of trials and errors. No doubt you'll meet many more women who won't walk all over you.

Kimbot

I know but my life has been hell on earth and I just want it to end now. I lost all my friends because of the first two girls and I've never gotten others after that because I just don't trust too many people or something.

WhiteWashMan

youre life is hell on earth because you dont have a girlfriend.

dude, you gotta get some perspective in your life.

i also dont understand how your last girlfriend became nasty over the period of exactly one hour.
i mean, did you go to get some photos developed and come back and she was nasty?

sounds to me like you dont want to take any responsibility for anything in your life. in which case, you probably deserve whatever outcome fate wants to play you.

or youre bored and trolling.

Kimbot

I am not Trolling. My life has been hell on earth because of the way people have treated me (even friends) I have perspective on my life. Everything was fine in our relationship and we spent the night kissing and cuddling and we were cuddled up ready to go asleep and she just turned around to face me and said "I want us to break up" and things have gone from bad to worse since then. She keeps telling me that she loves me and wants me so bad and when I say lets get back together she just says no. She has met two guys since then and lied to me about it even though we were patching up our relationship and told me that I pushed her into meeting them.
I take responsibility for what I do and I accept what part I have played in things.

tinkerbell

jonny24ie wrote:

I am not Trolling. My life has been hell on earth because of the way people have treated me (even friends) I have perspective on my life.

She keeps telling me that she loves me and wants me so bad and when I say lets get back together she just says no. She has met two guys since then and lied to me about it even though we were patching up our relationship and told me that I pushed her into meeting them.

If your life has been hell on earth because of the way people treated you, then you're just gonna have to get out there and meet some people who won't treat you like crap. If you're gonna let people walk all over you, then you are gonna be treated like a doormat. If you've been treated this way by three different girlfriends, then this isn't a coincidence. You either are totally going for the wrong kind of girl or else you are letting them walk all over you.

If she keeps telling you she loves you, wants you so bad but won't get back together when you suggest it, then that means that she does not love you, and does not want to get back with you. She is just using it because she probably feels like she's gonna hurt you more by telling you the truth. If she's saying stuff like that, then she has her mind made up. If she did want to get back with you, then she wouldn't have been with two other guys after ye broke up.

Oh and if you're going out with someone for 2.5 years, they don't just say "we've to break up" out of the blue, there obviously was some reason for it.

TerrorFirmer

This sounds like me. The nicer I treat them, the harder they hit me in the end.

They all promise they are different, and they would never do something bad like "all the other girls" to hurt you, but nice as they seem, they all have it in them.

Theres no escaping them. As for the ex-situation, I am in almost in the same situation also, but as for right now, I'm with a nice girl, for a few months now, just at the stage where you start you like them more then just a "cool girlfriend" you know? Sometimes I treat her with total suspision after the behavior of the last one i had but she deals with it, she understands. I try not but too tar everyone with the same brush but as you know yourself it hard not to after experiencing some of the crap that has been thrown your way

All i can say is I wish you best of luck and trust me no matter how bad you think it gets for you - theres probably some guy gets it ten times worse! Ive been there but so far I'm getting on fine - couldnt say im not happy. And all i can do is hope it turns out okay for me this time!

Tar.Aldarion

what is trolling?

0utshined

Trolling

Kimbot

Well everything was going perfect and she did just turn around and say that. I know that it seems like I let people do this but as I said as soon as they start acting like they are going to treat me like this I develop a spine and don't let it happen but the more I try to stop it the worse it gets.

WhiteWashMan

you know when fat people say they are overweight because of their life and their circumstances and all that good stuff. you know they way you actually just want to tell them that really, they are fat because they eat too fúcking much?

well, you eat too much.

no one ever got dumped by three people for 'developing' a spine. it really is you that the problem is with.
you have lost your girls, your friends, everything.
man, take the hint. it really isnt all someone elses fault.

galwaydude

WWM that was a bit harsh but very true, he has a few problems so what, who doesnt have.As one poster said he needs to look at himself and why all three left him and take the this time to build up friendshipsagain and not dump them when the next girl comes along.

Seraphina

harsh but true tbh, WWM always has the truth that no one wants to hear. clearly the **** doesn't 'just happen' to the guy.
i'm sick of all these 'oh woe is me those evil bitches are breaking my heart' its not the woman's fault if she gets bored in the relationship or whatever. and i highly doubt she just turned around to you after 2.5 years of complete normality and just dumped you. there must have been signs, things she may have tried to talk to you about. maybe cause she was more a tool for your happiness than a person you didn't notice? that seems to be your attitude anyway. we are not here to keep men happy, if i get bored or unhappy in a relationship, it ends and clearly something like that must have happened with this girl. do you expect her to stay in the relationship just cause you were happy?
these things happen man, get over it. dont look to women for happiness, cause as you've learned, you'll just end up loosing all your mates that way.
get out and make some new mates, and dont dump them all when the next girl comes around. maybe you wont feel so dependent on her for happiness then.

chump

Why don't you buy a rod and go fishing?

MaddyDv

I know where you're coming from. I just broke up woth my boyfriend of 4 and a half years and for months I was thinking je was treating me bad but when I look back on it,its not like he was treating me bad..I just wasnt happy. It took alot of guts for me to break up with him as we lived together etc and its only been a day but I know I'll make it on my own(for awhile at least) Maybe in your relationships you could be too "clingy" and they try treat you bad so you'll back off a bit(just a thought) :rolleyes: Anyhoo, I wish you the best of luck with finding that special girl and we're not all that bad!

ditzy

women are psychotic!!!! working in mainly a female dominated environment, this has been proven true to me time and time again.....i get on better with some of the lads that work with me rather than the girls.....truth is Johnny24ie.....there are v few laydeez at that age that actually know what they are after...they spend so much time worrying about life passing them by (at 22!!!???) that they don't think of living for the moment and seeing what comes of certain situations...instead they are running around not knowing which end of them is up!!!!! my advice would be to chill...why you in such a hurry anyway??? you never know what can happen when your not looking for it to happen if you know what i mean in a kind of not wanting to sound to old kinda way....me's only 25.......mentally only about 15 but thats beside the point......

Kimbot

MaddyDv wrote:

I know where you're coming from. I just broke up woth my boyfriend of 4 and a half years and for months I was thinking je was treating me bad but when I look back on it,its not like he was treating me bad..I just wasnt happy. It took alot of guts for me to break up with him as we lived together etc and its only been a day but I know I'll make it on my own(for awhile at least) Maybe in your relationships you could be too "clingy" and they try treat you bad so you'll back off a bit(just a thought) :rolleyes: Anyhoo, I wish you the best of luck with finding that special girl and we're not all that bad!

Thank you for all the help I will tell you all now that I wasn't in a hurry to settle down and when the last girl came along I didn't want things to get seriuos because my head was all over the place but we went with the flow and things got very serious. I saw her last night and she started to freak at me saying that I had to change and that is why we broke up. She told me "you stick your fingers down your throat to stop me from going out" and I never once have been sick when she has gone out. When she said she was going out I drop her to the pub and go home and she then asks me collect herr when shes done so I sit up all night and collect her. She then told me that I hate all her friends but nothing is further from the truth I don't hate any of her friends and we all get on great. Also she told me my appearance is not up to scratch and my breath stinks (i'm a smoker and she was one too) and that I scream at her all the time ( i only ever raised my voice to her once and deeply regret it and apologised to her). The other relationships broke down on the basis that the girls ripped me off aswell.

WhiteWashMan

jonny24ie wrote:

Thank you for all the help I will tell you all now that I wasn't in a hurry to settle down and when the last girl came along I didn't want things to get seriuos because my head was all over the place but we went with the flow and things got very serious. I saw her last night and she started to freak at me saying that I had to change and that is why we broke up. She told me "you stick your fingers down your throat to stop me from going out" and I never once have been sick when she has gone out. When she said she was going out I drop her to the pub and go home and she then asks me collect herr when shes done so I sit up all night and collect her. She then told me that I hate all her friends but nothing is further from the truth I don't hate any of her friends and we all get on great. Also she told me my appearance is not up to scratch and my breath stinks (i'm a smoker and she was one too) and that I scream at her all the time ( i only ever raised my voice to her once and deeply regret it and apologised to her). The other relationships broke down on the basis that the girls ripped me off aswell.

after reading that, youre absolutely right.
sorry for doubting you.
there is nothing wrong here at all, you have just had really bad luck with all those chicks and all those ex loser friends.
i hope you get the person you deserve.
i hope this is the sort of thing that you wanted to hear when you posted on here the first time.

galwaydude

sounds to me mate that u have had rotten luck, take some time out and dont be in a hurry to meet someone, if they come along great if not dont fret about it. Your only young enjoy life!!
Not all women are like that believe me on that.

tinkerbell

I agree with the above posts, it does seem like you just were unlucky, sorry to hear that dude. Maybe spend this time being single and working on yourself. After that, the right girl will come along.

Seraphina

ok either all that stuff is ridiculously exaggerated, or you've just managed to pick the most whiney, unreasonable, demanding, and bitchy women possible.
you need to reasses your taste