How to seriously P|SS people OFF!!!

Bard · 20-07-2001 4:48pm #1

General things to do to annoy people:

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Pay for your dinner with pennies.
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
Ask people what gender they are.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book, claim its a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Purposely crash into walls and insist it never happened.
Slap someone every time they say "potato".
Sneeze on people.
Bother people you don't know.
Throw dishes at people when they talk too much.
Tell people to shut up when they start to talk.
Tell people to shut up when you think they might start talking.
Bother people you don't know by loudly ripping paper.
Tell people you're from the future and that they will die within 24 hours.
Claim you have split personalities and argue with yourself.
Then have your third personality join in.
Lie about EVERYTHING and make it obvious that you are.
Ring people's doorbells and say you're from Publishers' Clearing House, telling them they didn't win a prize.
Smack people in the face and claim it's an arm spasm.
At restaurants, eat food off other people's plates while they stare at you in amazement.
Bring fast food into another restaurant.
Scatter camouflaged objects all over the floor and laugh at people that trip.
Never change the tone of your voice This means no feeling emphasis, emotion or punctuation of any kind.
Play golf with a friend, and launch all his/her golf balls into a lake, one after the other.
Swat at the air for no reason so people will think that you're crazy.
When you go to shake someone's hand, sniff them for no reason.
Talk with a Russian accent.
Try putting a CD in the slot for a 3.5" floppy and then say, "It doesn't fit."
Wear glitter eye shadow for no reason.
Say "no?" after every sentence so the person you're talking to doesn't know whether to say "yes" or "no" or something else.
When people ask if they can have your phone number (or anything else of yours) say you'll have to talk to your lawyer first.
Ask people what the word "the" means.
Ask strangers where babies come from.
Ramble at people in Russian.
If they understand you, knock them unconscious with a Wrench.
Chop down telephone poles.
Leave them in your neighbours front garden.
Make up unreasonable stories and try to get people to believe you.
Show people that you can count to a million.
Purposely stand in someone's way until they get the nerve to ask you to move.
Laugh at everything someone says especially right in the middle of sentences.
Laugh and point at someone for no reason.
Tell people that you can't do that because it is against your religion.
When walking down a sidewalk, walk into people. When they try to get out of the way, move in their way.
Drive into the back-ends of others and tell them that you thought that it was bumper cars.
Cut down your neighbors' trees and tell them that you are clearing the old growth so that there isn't a forest fire.
Park your car in the middle of the road so no one can get to where they want to go.
Cut your grass at three in the morning.
Put zeros before numbers and tell people that they look good there.
Place a sign stating: "Could be radioactive" on your lawn.
Bleach your hair, just so you can look stupid.
Tell people that there is a right way and a wrong way to eat a potato.
Type in bright green size 3 font.
Put magnets up to disks; say that it is an experiment to see whether something will happen to it.
Laugh at stuff that isn't funny at all.
Don't laugh at stuff that is funny.
Call people, then hang up on them when they pick up.
Wear sunglasses in the night.
Make up jokes that make no sense whatsoever.
Devise a plan to take over the world.
Sneeze over, and over, and over again.
Fall asleep while someone is talking to you.
Change the rules in the middle of a game.
Tell people to "Beware the ides of March."
Talk very loudly in public.
Slobber on tablecloths in restaurants.
Format all the disks in your house "for fun".
Point at people with extremely large ears.
Park in the handicapped section and if you get a ticket, say that you are mentally handicapped and that's probably why you parked there anyway.
Ring someone's doorbell, then run away. When they answer the door, call them from your mobile phone.
Ignore people when they talk to you, and then start talking to them.
Scream for absolutely no reason.
Buy a mansion, a Knife, a Rope, a Revolver, a Wrench, a Lead Pipe, and a Candlestick, and then invite six friends over for some fun.
Play "Spot the Car" everywhere you go. Rules: when you see a car pass your vehicle, scream "THERE'S A CAR!" and if it's not a car, then don't yell.
Especially fun with hyper people.
Stare at someone across the room.
Run into restaurants, insist that green Jell-O is after you and you need to hide in the kitchen.
Tell people to "Watch where I'm going."
Perform the macarena.
Become an architect and design a room with no doors.
Wear a white coat and talk loudly to yourself.
Go to a foreign country and tell people they talk funny.
Smack people in the back and say you wanted to see if their face stuck that way.
Write a paper comprised of clichés.
Explain jokes.
Create a shrine to some evil person.
Tell people you're a circus freak.
Tell people you want to be a circus freak.
Be a circus freak.
Fake your death.
Give IOU's as birthday presents.
Steal things from your friends in front of their face.
Buy a siren and turn it on as you drive down the road.
Ask people to get to the point because you'd rather not listen.
Say "Duh!" after everything someone says.
Pretend to be a mime.
Build a large steeple atop your house and ring the bell accordingly for every hour.
Make jokes about death and laugh as if they are hilariously funny.
Shred your parent's tax receipts before April 15.
Go to the library, and randomly rearrange the books.
Take all of the toilet paper in the restrooms out and use it to decorate your enemy's trees.
Make hand gestures about every 2 seconds while talking to someone.
Spin in circles and get dizzy for an excuse to crash into people.
Or simply crash into people.
Make advertisements about your family vacation.
Invent a game that is so violent/messy that the contestants are unrecognisable after playing.
Complain that "the game cheats."
Question everything someone says.
Create a bogus tourist attraction.
Create a series about nothing and cancel it while it's number one.
Invent your own language.
Shoot your neighbour's dog with a silver bullet and claim you thought it was a werewolf.
Melt people without permission.
Create a rental movie of static.
Tape a thumbtack to your doorbell.
Encourage people to sleep on beds of pointy needles.
Barge into a conversation.
Constantly change the subject.
Create a business card without owning a business.
Ask questions you know no one can answer.
Sink large ships.
Tell people they are possessed by an evil entity.
Point people in the wrong direction.
Jump on someone else's bed.
Serve pink chicken.
Return restaurant food because it's too plain.
Refuse to pay a restaurant bill.
Break everything in a restaurant.
Settle disputes by duelling.
Be completely ignorant of the world.
Shove people out of trees.
Name any and all of your children Gene Finny.
Name someone so their initials spell a word.
Accuse people of being insane.
Or be insane yourself.
Wave your crutches at everyone you know--or don't know.
Demand people call you psycho.
Then say they're lying.
Mispronounce someone's first name.
Applaud for no reason.
Convince people you are invisible.
Assume all girls are named Sally and all boys are Fred.
Call authority figures by first name.
Watch a movie and see it again, telling people what will happen.
Jump on you neighbour's trampoline when you have your own.
Attack people with glue.
Send hate mail and sign your name on it.
Cry "wolf" in down town New York.
Smack people with rulers.
Pretend you know complete strangers.
Treat someone out to dinner, but with a five dollar budget.
Rip the last 10 pages out of every book.
At movie theatres when someone asks you if they can sit in the seat besides you, start screaming that you friend is sitting there.
Lock your sister or brother out of your house- leaving a note that says, "HA! HA! You can't get in."
When you call your friends and they aren't home, start conversations with their parents.
Run around your neighbourhood screaming at the top of your lungs, "HE is here, because I failed HIM!!"
Walk around claiming you're cookoo for Cocoa Puffs.
Every hour on the hour, scream "Hey Moe!" followed by a low-pitched "nyuk nyuk."
Pronounce every letter in each word. Try words like "photograph" or "griot."
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Accuse everyone you see of being Communist.
End every sentence with trite phrase, like "you know" or "and stuff".
Randomly walk into large objects, like door frames, poles, whatever.
Wear camouflage pants and ask everyone where your legs went.
Watch the Weather Channel all day and don't let anyone change over.
Change the direction a stop sign is facing.
Buy hideous home furnishings and give them to friends for birthday presents.
Sue people for trivial amounts of money.
Paint your house fluorescent green.
Play Ping-Pong with yourself.
Bite people.
Smack people in the face for no reason.
Name your child "dlsafyielayreklrhlk" and insist it's pronounced "Al."
Call your friends and tell them you're taking a vow of silence.
Break into someone's report on a computer and randomly cut and paste everything.
Pretend you're typing when talking to someone.
Sing weird songs, then pass a hat around demanding change.
Talk to everyone as if they were a dog.
Tell them to "sit."
Offer them dog biscuits.
When people call you, pretend you're a telephone answering machine.
Blow out a candle and blame it on the person next to you.
Wear alarming combinations of pink and green and comment about everyone else's fashion sense.
Go through drive thrus, order a LOT of food, and leave without picking it up.
Go through the drive thu in reverse gear.
In a store, break all the crayons and put them back in the boxes.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook and mutter something about "psychological profiles."
Tell your friends 5 days prior that you can't attend their party because you are not in the mood.
Type all "X's" to fill a page, in 9 point size; then on the same piece of paper repeat with 12 point; increase the point size to 16 point change to
upper case "W's." When you have a complete page of garble, make 2 additional copies and fax them to someone that just got a new fax machine. Wait 3
minutes and fax 3 blank pages.
Fill your web page with inside jokes that only you and one other person will understand.
Rub on hand cream and then smear it all over the bathroom doorknob before you get out.

Things to Do in an Elevator:

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dang it, all of you just shut UP!"
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, stupid motion sickness!"
Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM, aren't you?!?!?!!"
and move to the far corner of the elevator.
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "is that your beeper?"
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

Things to do in a Car:

Stick your head out the window like a dog.
Do the above and also start panting... like a dog.
Sing with the radio loudly even if you don't know the words.
Accelerate and brake every 4 seconds.
Count to 10 before going at a stop sign.
Run a yellow light but change your mind while you still can.
Slow down when you see a sign that says, "bridge may be icy," especially in the dead of summer.
Go from 60 to 0 every thirty seconds, just to see if you can cause a 5-car (or more) pileup.
While on the motorway, grab the gearstick and ask, "What does the 'R' stand for?"
Try to eat the steering wheel.
Burn everyone with the cigarette lighter in the car.
Open and close the glove box continually until someone hits you.
Every time you pass a car, yell "Hi!"
Sit in the driver's seat, but insist some else drives.
Dial the number of the passenger's cellular phone.
Stop on an entrance ramp of the expressway.
Use the windshield wipers just so you can rock with the rhythm.
Drive on runways in airports.
Honk your horn at geese and see if they honk back.
Play Muzak so loud that the cars next to you vibrate.
When stopped at a red light, pretend to answer your cell phone and then hand it to the person in the car next to you and say, "It's for you."
Hit pedestrians as you try to parallel park.
In a residential area, pretend you are a race-car driver and gun it.
When people honk at you, cut them off.
If they try to cut YOU off, pull in front of them and come to a complete stop.
Throw your coffee out the window during rush hour.
If a backseat driver is in the car, yank off the steering wheel and say, "HERE. YOU DRIVE."

Ways to Annoy your Co-workers

Lower all the desks to ankle level.
Post a memo stating that all employees who haven't erased unlicensed software on their computers --by last Friday-- will be fired.
Hastily scribble "Lost: Red-and-black boa constrictor" on the chalkboard.
Stage a mock murder for the window washer to "accidentally" observe.
Argue over who invented the Macerena dance, the Wave, and how long before someone combines them into the MacaWave.
Cut a lock of hair from people exiting the restroom. Apologise by saying, "Sorry, I thought you were someone else."
Hoard the office supplies and listen in glee as strains of "...a $5-billion company and I can't even find any damn paper clips..." carry through the hallways.
Telephone a coworker's spouse at home, claiming you found the employee's wallet at the strip joint. Throw in "...a little mink oil should take that right out..." for good measure.
Call a meeting and announce "Listen. This computer thing just isn't working out. You'll all have typewriters and White Out on your desks after lunch."

...

Phew... took a while to type all that ... heh

Bard

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

[This message has been edited by Bard (edited 20-07-2001).]

popinfresh · 20-07-2001 5:26pm

Use the phrase "Now thats what I call, a sticky situation" more than twice in the same conversation.

TheWolf · 20-07-2001 5:51pm

Originally posted by Bard:
Ask people what gender they are.

Then burst out laughing when they tell you

Things to Do in an Elevator

Another favourite of mine is done when its only you and one other person. Stand to one side, tip them on the other shoulder, and if they look at you, look back innocently, if they start demanding what do you want, give them a

look and pretend not to know what their on about...

My, I AM a strange lidle man, aint I?

"Some would say the refridgerator is half full, some would say half empty, I simply say WHO ATE MY PIZZA!!!"

[This message has been edited by TheWolf (edited 20-07-2001).]

Bard · 20-07-2001 7:25pm

àctually... another way of annoying people big-time... post a thread like this and insist that they read it all

Didn't realise quite how long it was until I had a look at it once it was posted...

phew, eh?

Bard

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Lump · 21-07-2001 10:28am

Yea, I got bored reading about a quater way down, I like the first quater though

John

richindub2 · 21-07-2001 10:39am

Lazy gits

I read em all, very good

*cough*
daves l33t site 0wns j00.

Pugsley · 23-07-2001 12:55am

I read em all 2,they 0wn

And honking ure horn at geese to c if they honk back,u must have learnt 1 hand driving to w4nk on the road

Dave · 23-07-2001 4:02am

If you attempted half of that stuff you'd probably get arrested or commited

-Dave

Lenny · 23-07-2001 4:41am

Try putting a CD in the slot for a 3.5" floppy and then say, "It doesn't fit."

rofl at the stupidity of that one!

smoke.me.a.kipper · 23-07-2001 3:05pm

very good, but really....

Melt people without permission.

i invented '.com'

shionnach · 06-12-2009 10:41pm

ask some one if they would like to dance, when they say they would love to dance, ask them to hurry up coz you want their chair

**Timbuk2** · 07-12-2009 9:13pm

shionnach wrote: »

ask some one if they would like to dance, when they say they would love to dance, ask them to hurry up coz you want their chair

WTF.. this thread is over 8 years old!

8 f*cking years!!

How did you even find it?

_SONIC_ · 07-12-2009 10:24pm

HAHAHA holy **** this thread is an antique

damn most of these mods are probably dead!!!

**Timbuk2** · 08-12-2009 7:49am

This is what boards looked like when this thread was posted!

I think it's time to fire up the De Lorean. If only I had that flux capacitor - I'll pop down to Halfords at lunchtime and get one.

CrazyRabbit · 09-12-2009 12:17pm

Make a post that requires the reader to scroll for 10 seconds to reach the end of it.

Don't include any line breaks in forum posts.

Don't include bulleting in lists on forums.