The Jellybean and the Smartie

TheWolf

This Jelly Bean walks into a bar and gets talking to a Smartie. After a few
beers the Smartie says "'Ere, do you fancy going to that new club in town?"


The Jelly Bean says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up getting my
head kicked in."

So Smartie says "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look
after you."

So Jelly Bean says "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me" and off
they went.

After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in. As soon as he
sees them, Smartie hides under a table, the Lockets take one look at
JellyBean and start kicking him, punching him and generally having a laugh.

After a while they get bored and walk out. Jelly Bean pulls his battered
Jelly Bean body over to the table and wipes his Jelly Bean blood off and
turns to Smartie and says "I thought you were going to look after me?"


"I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are ****ing menthol!!!"

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arrrrRRROOOOOOOOOOoooo...

Evil Phil

A patch of grass and a lump of tarmac are sitting at a bar. The grass is depressed to the tarmac asks him what's wrong. "I'm always getting picked on" the grass sighs, "I wish it didn't happen".

"Doesn't happen to me" boasts the tarmac "I'm well hard". Just then a lump of red tarmac walks in, grabs him and proceeds to beat seven colours of sh*t out of him, and leaves.

The grass says "I thought you were well hard. If that's true explain what just happened".

"Well" says the tarmac, picking himself up. "I am well hard but that red tarmac, he's a f*ckin cyclepath!"

Shiminay

A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a pint. The bar man says "We don't serve pieces of string" so the piece of string walks out again.

The next day, it's the same thing - the string goes to the bar and the bar man asks it to leave.

On the third day, the string tries it's luck once more and again get's the "We don't serve your kind" routine.

By now, the string's quite annoyed and thirsty too. So it heads outside and starts un-ravelling itself and generally makes itself look bad.
So, it walks in again and asks for a pint and the bar man says "Aren't you the same piece of string I've kicked out 3 times?"
the string says:

"No, I'm a frayed knot"

Ba-dom-tish!

---

All the best!
Dav
@B^)
So Bob Hoskins was about to roll a spliff when in walks Dana with her 3 foot Bong
[honey i] violated [the kids]
Tribes 2 Goodness
The Dawn of the Beefy King approaches...

[This message has been edited by Kharn (edited 28-06-2001).]

tmcd

A man and his pet Giraffe walk into a bar, Man says to barman 2 pints please, Barman says no problem, so the man and the giraffe drink there all day, about 20 pints later the man and the giraffe atempt to leave, the giraffe falls flat on his face on the floor, the man proceeds to the door, The barman yells at him Eh Mate!!! you cant leave that lying there, The man shout back thats not a lion its a Giraffe......

ta-da.....