A priests first mass...

TheWolf

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the older priest how he had done it. The
old priest replied, "When I am worried about getting
nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the older priest's advice. At the beginning the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the Door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet
his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the
late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the
shít out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked
off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last
Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with
the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not:
Rub-A-Dub-Dub
thanks for the grub,
yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a
peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

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arrrrRRROOOOOOOOOOoooo...

[This message has been edited by TheWolf (edited 20-06-2001).]

oeNeo

thats kooel

i am only replying since no-one else did and i feel sorry for you
but it is good aswell

TheWolf

ahh niceto get a compliment, even if it is a pity vote...

---

arrrrRRROOOOOOOOOOoooo...

Lump

HE HE, Good one


John

rosie posie

hey heres an even better one!
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a Catholic
couple
has
a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven's gate
waiting
on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wonder if they
could
possibly get married in Heaven since they weren't ableto get married
on
earth.

St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't
know,
this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and
he
leaves.
The couple sits and waits---and waits---and waits. Two months into
their
waiting, the couple begins to wonder if they really should get
married
in
Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all.
"What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together
forever?"
The couple waits---and waits. Finally, after yet another month
passes,
St.Peter returns looking somewhat bedraggled
"Yes," he informs the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could
we
also
get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. What's
wrong?"
exclaims the frightened couple.

"Come on!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three month to find a
priest
up
here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find
a lawyer!?"

TheWolf

LMAO! thats a good 1 rosie

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arrrrRRROOOOOOOOOOoooo...

Hunter-FLUID

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by rosie posie:
hey heres an even better one!
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a Catholic
couple
has
a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven's gate
waiting
on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wonder if they
could
possibly get married in Heaven since they weren't ableto get married
on
earth.

St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't
know,
this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and
he
leaves.
The couple sits and waits---and waits---and waits. Two months into
their
waiting, the couple begins to wonder if they really should get
married
in
Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all.
"What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together
forever?"
The couple waits---and waits. Finally, after yet another month
passes,
St.Peter returns looking somewhat bedraggled
"Yes," he informs the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could
we
also
get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. What's
wrong?"
exclaims the frightened couple.

"Come on!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three month to find a
priest
up
here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find
a lawyer!?"

</font>

That one was Brillent....
I heard the first one before it is still a good one thought

---

If the Bottom falls out of your world...
Drink ANDREWS...
And the world will fall out of your Bottom...

[This message has been edited by Hunter-FLUID (edited 21-06-2001).]