Great Insults

theCzar

Anybody have some really good insults that beat the boards auto-censor?

e.g. a collection of legal words that when put together are unmistakably insulting, rather than a dirty word H@x0r-ed to fool the word checker

for example from Stewie in family guy.

"Mealy-mouthed crotch pheasant"

Hobart

Do you speak any language that non-gibbering idiots can understand? In future, kindly proofread your posts before assaulting unsuspecting readers of this message board with a litany of misspellings, egregious grammatical errors, and other verbal atrocities.

You amaze me! I didn't think it was possible for one person to possess such a vast reservoir of undiluted gibberish! You could type every thing you know on the subject on back of a microscopic postage stamp and still have room leftover for a shopping list. Well, you're certainly thoughtless; I just wish that you were keyboard-less, too. Oh well, as the late Douglas Adams said: "You live and learn. At any rate, you live."

Most repair manuals are far more interesting than you, and far less turgid to read. You are nastier than a five-dollar whore getting an enema. You're a waste of time, space, air, flesh, and the rectum you were born from, retard. Maybe you wouldn't come across as such a jellyfish-sucking mental midget if your father didn't screw a plant and raised a blooming idiot; if your weren't so fat that your local 'All-You-Can-Eat' buffet had to install speed bumps, or if you didn't have a face that is registered as a biological weapon. Who am I kidding? You would.

Now, if you care to apologize for wasting my shamefully wasted time, I'll consider accepting it.

dahamsta

From Good Morning Vietnam, one of my favourites.

Garlick: "From a marine in Da Nang: "Captain Hauk sucks the sweat off a dead man's balls." I have no idea what that means, sir, but it seams very negative to me."

kittenkiller

I'm still chuckling thinking of that show on rte2 about stalin & finding out that at one stage he yelled down the phone at Lenin's missus tellin her that she was a syphilitic whore!!!

go him!

talk about havin balls of brass!!! (granted Lenin WAS lying on his death bed at the time, but still...)

'syphilitic whore' sounded deadly in russian.
think i'm gonna learn it just so i can insult people better!

Gilgamesh

try www.insultmonger.com
has a insult generator in it and some classics
can even make custom made insults to specific people

theCzar

Gilgamesh wrote:

try www.insultmonger.com
has a insult generator in it and some classics
can even make custom made insults to specific people

Hobart found it already it seems...

here's a witty rejoinder for you

"You are an outrageously petty reptile and a repugnant, mattress-soiling malodorous marinade of ooze and bile."

Hobart

theCzar wrote:

Hobart found it already it seems...

here's a witty rejoinder for you

"You are an outrageously petty reptile and a repugnant, mattress-soiling malodorous marinade of ooze and bile."

'Tis the one indeed! Be careful though!!

Rossonero

Check out the swearasaurus, curses in every language including Irish.

Learning some of the Italian ones to use when I'm watching Man U V Milan down the pub on Wednesday! Forza Milan!

Commissar

Gilgamesh wrote:

www.insultmonger.com

Every time I open this link my comp ( in UCC ) seems to detect a Trojan virus. :eek:

bringitdown

My all time favourite:

You look like of a bulldog licking piss off a nettle

Nukem

Jesus she looks like a Bulldog chewing a wasp.
If assholes could fly-this place would be an airport.
F*ck off to your own planet this on is full.

pickarooney

The Russians have a whole meta-language of insults that just puts our "tool/twat/bastard" to shame. If ever I were to learn Russian it would be for that reason.

NewFrockTuesday

the locomotive of your ignorance runs upon the rails of my indifference

CathyMoran

Not my insult - but it was said by another Boards member:
"It suits your face" - this was a reply to what he thought of someone else's haircut. She never got it and he said it with such a sincere face...

Jonathanpbk

you have a face like - a smacked arse
a jockey's bollocks
a pair of tits
a chewed-up toffee

i love them!
but in terms of come-backs, the ultimate is "so's your face". works every time!

Rossonero

You've a face like a bulldog chewing on a wasp.

steviem

Said about a friend of mine. That he

"would shag the button hole on a duffle coat"

pickarooney

A face made for radio.

Talliesin

Which term would be most insulting depends on who you're insulting:

VLADIMIR: Moron!
ESTRAGON: That's the idea, let's abuse each other.
[They turn, move apart, turn again and face each other.]
VLADIMIR: Moron!
ESTRAGON: Vermin!
VLADIMIR: Abortion!
ESTRAGON: Morpion!
VLADIMIR: Sewer-rat!
ESTRAGON: Curate!
VLADIMIR: Cretin!
ESTRAGON: [with finality] Critic!
VLADIMIR: Oh! [He wilts, vanquished, and turns away.]

theCzar

I... don't get it

Talliesin

It's a play. The playwright (and for that matter the actors) are using "critic" as the ultimate insult - hence insulting the critics reviewing the play.

fenris

insulting nickname for a girl I worked with

- "man in a pigs body"

the scary thing is that you would probably recognise her from that description!

Fallschirmjager

Herr Capitan wrote:

You've a face like a bulldog chewing on a wasp.

the addendum to that i heard was as above

while licking piss off a nettle...

kano476

this was from a teacher of mine:
"you weren't even a twitch in your daddy's ball - sack when that song was around"

one of the gems from my brother about a woman:
"I'd rather be up on a murder charge"

another:
"your about as useful as tits on a bull"

tony 2 tone

Fallschirmjager wrote:

the addendum to that i heard was as above

while licking piss off a nettle...

A Constipated bulldog at that......