Moving on...

azezil

After a breakup, what do you do with the gifts from your ex... assuming you had, and may still have feelings for the person, you know you won't get back together so would it be better to dispose of the gifts, for your own sanity?

By keeping these gifts are you lingering to the hope of their return and in doing so not allowing yourself to move on?

I just want to hear other peoples thoughts on this, I'd rather not go into specifics in my own life if that's ok... for now anyway.

*adele*

Maybe you should return gifts to show that youre able to be mature about the breakup.

oq4v3ht0u76kf2

Well I kept most things when me and my girlfriend of two years broke up because we broke up pretty well and I like to have them around to remind me of good times. My mate on the other hand gave her back everything and gave me a load of DVDs she bought him although he's in my house every day so I don't know what the logic behind that was. I told him if he didn't want them to throw them out but he wanted me to keep them - maybe he wanted them around, but not too close?

Perhaps throw it all in a box in the attic so it's there, just in case you ever want to get nostalgic or something? I'd feel weird about flat out throwing stuff out though.

azezil

Maybe you should return gifts to show that youre able to be mature about the breakup.

well... i wouldn't expect gifts back, in fact i'd be insulted if my gifts were returned

Ah no, say you're still friends, or at least on good terms, I mean from a personal point of view, as part of your own emotional recovery and then ability to move on and find someone else, should you remove that which reminds you of your past relationship.

Amz

I usually give 'em to other people (depending on the gift) or keep 'em. I did throw out the fridge magnets that Spade Face gave me, what a stupid friggin' present!

I guess it depends on the terms of the break up and what they might do with any gifts you gave them.

Sometimes it's nice to just hold on to things to remember any good times you had together. Even if you just put the things away for a while so they're out of sight to give you a chance to deal with things.

seamus

Depends on the gift.

I know I've got an engraved watch and ring from my other half. If we broke up, the ring definitely would go into storage, but I'd probably keep using the watch until I fell for someone else. It's a great watch. I might even go as far as have the engraving removed so I can keep using it.

So to summarise, IMO if the gift is useful/functional, keep it. If it's sentimental, bin it.

azezil

So a gift from this person, which I regard as the greatest, most thoughful gift i've ever received should prolly not be sitting on my bedside locker, as its a constant reminder of what I threw away...

Yeah I know the answer was clear long before I ever started the thread, its just not easy to let go.

Doodee

seamus wrote:

Depends on the gift.

I know I've got an engraved watch and ring from my other half. If we broke up, the ring definitely would go into storage, but I'd probably keep using the watch until I fell for someone else. It's a great watch. I might even go as far as have the engraving removed so I can keep using it.

So to summarise, IMO if the gift is useful/functional, keep it. If it's sentimental, bin it.

pretty much my opinion. Its really down to how the gift makes you feel. If by any chance a gift creates hurtful feelings then it might be worth giving back, however, if a happy memory is associated with one then keep it.
ITs different strokes for different folks, but i know what actions I'd take myself. Ya have me number if ya need anything sean.

azezil

hmmm 3 months and some tears later az moves on... and now, to get drunk! *nods*

Amz

Use your friends az (Not like that :eek:) that's what they're there for. Only happy to help you move on or have a yap or just to listen to ya.

The_Conductor

I'm part of the brigade that never burns bridges.
Regardless of whether is a snowballs chance in hell of ever getting back with the person- I'd not throw things out. Anything with sentimental value- I'd box it and put it away somewhere safe (e.g. in the attic or something). As for CDs or personal things- if they were bands I liked too- I'd offer to return them in the first instance, and if they were not required would keep them. I'd always remember them whenever I heard them on the radio anyway, having the physical disks wouldn't be too much. More problematic are photos or even silly little sentimental things that mean so much, and yet hurt so much to come across. You can put them on a high shelf, knowing that it'll gut you when you come across them at some point in the future without warning.
It just seems very clinical to try to airbrush someone out of your life- someone who you loved and was part of your life. You're not going to forget the person- an overeager spring clean, while it may remove the outward reminders of the person, there are always going to be reminders that you can never forget.

I guess what I'm saying is- its not possible to forget someone or replace them fully- they will always be in your memories. As for the reminders of your time with them- its kinder on yourself to not have them in your face- but if your the sentimental type- maybe you'd like to put them away somewhere safe and remember the person at some point in the future when it doesn't hurt to think of them so much?

Take care,

S.

memphis

azezil wrote:

hmmm 3 months and some tears later az moves on... and now, to get drunk! *nods*

Sorry to hear that you split with your other part, shame when these things happen.

I know I'm probably the last person you wanna talk to about it, but regardless, I would regard you as a mate, and I am always there for a mate. So if I can help just shout!

Memphis

Besprechen

im in a similar situation, bought a very expensive xmas pressie early last year when i could afford it, split up in summer after several years together, now im left with it sitting in the box gathering dust, dont want to just give it to anyone coz of price, cant bring it back, and no use for it myself!

FranknFurter

Box and attic, memories are always worth keeping imho.

If ya need somone to listen or yell at, ya know how to reach me
)Platonic hug(

ixoy

*adele* wrote:

Maybe you should return gifts to show that youre able to be mature about the breakup.

No no no no no and no, I would definetely advise you NOT to do that Azezil.. I'd be gutted if someone returned a gift - it'd be a slap in the face.

Personally, I say keep the gifts. I often like to keep momentos from my life and that includes some from those I've loved and lost. Sure initially I might stare at them forlornly and wistful, but I think you'll reach a point where they should be able to just make you more happy without any saddening thoughts of regret. Maybe you could move it somewhere if it's distracting but it'd be a shame to bury it.

If the gift means a lot then I'm sure the person who gave it cared and would like to see you content and happy. That's why we give such gifts in the first place. Try and see it in a positive light as it was intended and let yourself move forward and remain in good form with your ex. Happy memories should be just that.

azezil

Yeah I agree, its just gonna sit in my wardrobe a while, I really like the gift so I'm sure I'll take it out again some time.

Santa Claus

azezil wrote:

So a gift from this person, which I regard as the greatest, most thoughful gift i've ever received should prolly not be sitting on my bedside locker, as its a constant reminder of what I threw away...

In exact same position as you Az. Had a present my ex (2 year rel) gave me sitting on bedside locker for 4 months after we split then decided to put it in drawer of locker and then about a month after that i summoned up the courage to put it in back of wardrobe (carefully wrapped though).

It's a f*cking tough thing to fall out of love with someone, but sometimes alcohol can help !

AlisonB

Azezil, similar to the last posts i think you should just put the gifts away for a couple of years ...

Kell

azezil wrote:

Yeah I agree, its just gonna sit in my wardrobe a while, I really like the gift so I'm sure I'll take it out again some time.

Keep them out as they are yours. Someone pointed out earlier that giving it back was a mature sign of moving on. Twaffle. Being mature about it is keeping it with you in full display to show that you have integrated the parting into your life.

BTW, where were you on Friday? Your absence was notable and your presence missed.

K-

Boggle

im in a similar situation, bought a very expensive xmas pressie early last year when i could afford it, split up in summer after several years together, now im left with it sitting in the box gathering dust, dont want to just give it to anyone coz of price, cant bring it back, and no use for it myself!

If it's def over then e-bay it off and be rid of it... otherwise give it to her and tell her what it is. Never know what might happen??!!?

azezil

Kell wrote:

BTW, where were you on Friday? Your absence was notable and your presence missed.

K-

aw shucks... don't ask heh, wish i had gone :S

Seraphina

i dunno, i would never throw memories out. sure they're painful at first, but hiding them away isn't going to help. faced with these objects everyday i find it easier to gradually get over these things, instead of hiding them away and bottling everything up. i have alot of stuff around my room and on my walls, pressies, postcards, i keep everything. i hoard my memories and try to remember them with a smile, the positive impact certain people and places made on my life at different times.
i dunno, just seems important to me.

Static M.e.

I put them in a box and keep them.

They will make you smile later and remind you of good times.

idontknowmyname

Give the stuff away to friends, sisters or charity shop.

Never keep anything an ex has given me....dont believe in keeping any lingering memories and i dont stay friends with them...helps the moving on process. Being friends with an ex can be messy as i found out.

I get rid of any trace of them, photos etc

gubby

Amz wrote:

I did throw out the fridge magnets that Spade Face gave me,
.

HAHA... Spade Face, thats funny!

Sarky

Throw it away? Not bloody likely. Any gifts I got from exes were great. Some of them, like the handmade, embroidered dice-holding bag (I'm a gamer, alright? It meant a lot to me...) were the most thoughtful things I ever recieved, and others, like the Tickle Me Elmo, were just too funny to throw away(Unless it's in a game of football). Getting rid of them won't change the past, it will suppress as many good memories as bad, and if you're more materialist than romantic, then at least consider that it will deprive you of cool stuff.

Victor

It's a gift. It's yours. Keep it. Use it.

isolde

i keep everything, it would kill me if someone returned the stuff i gave them. i wear jewellery my ex gave me still.. a bracelet and a watch. i wore them every day for years and they're beautiful. don't see the need to stop now.

the rest stays too. a few photos may be put away in a drawer, but thats the extent of it. memories are hugely important to me. maybe they prolong things a bit.. but i wouldnt have it any other way.