No friends and worried

Gracie_05

Ok, I don't really know where to begin with this post... I suppose I'm just stuck in a rut, and lately I've been trying to be a bit more objective and think of creative ways to improve my life/outlook on life.
I am a woman in late-twenties living with my wonderful, loving bf of 4+ years. I also am very much in love with and committed to him. But none of that is really "the issue".
Thing is I have no friends of my own - zero, zilch.
So the only time I go out socially is usually once, maybe twice a week with my bf, and that's usually just the two of us.
He tends to socialize with his own friends separately. He has plenty of friends/pub buddies and quite a healthy/active social life. (His line of work also facilates this). And btw, this has nothing to do with him - he has mentioned a few times that he is a bit worried about me that I don't have a social life/friends of my own.

Basically, I am the sort of person who has only ever had one or two close friends. I can get on ok with acquaintences/people at work etc.(to a point). Also, I've always been a bit of a loner - like I would go mad if I didn't have a couple hours to myself almost every second day. I can also quite happily spend whole days by myself - like if I'm busy/engrossed in studying or something.

The last best friend that I had - we had a great friendship. She was a few years younger than me, but very mature for her age. In the end the friendship came to an end soon after I met my current bf, and started seeing a lot of him. It wasn't a sudden break - more a growing apart. And as my bf quite quickly became my best friend, while she was making plans to go off travelling, we just lost touch. Anyway, that's kind of beside the point!!

What I really miss is just having a real friendship - like that one was for several years.
I miss having someone to ring/the phone ringing and having a friend at the other end of the line to rant to, listen to, give advice to/receive advice from, go off on a tangent with, have a laugh with.

I know that it's a fact that most life-long, valuable friendships are formed when you're at school/college and in your early-mid-twenties.
So the past few friendless years has gradually been getting to me. I have no-one apart from my bf that I can talk to.
At least I have him. But if ever we were to split up or anything, I'd be totally alone. I have had glimpses of this when, in the past we've had any big rows/not speaking and I am alone with my own thoughts swirling around!

The usual meeting-new-people stuff has crossed my mind, like joining a course/exercise class/doing voluntary work. But to be honest, at the end of the working day I'm too knackered to make the effort. Also, though I'm not shy by nature, really, I have sort of become a bit socially-stunted, and slightly paranoid maybe too.

I'm actually thinking, as I write this that I might benefit from some sort of counselling/therapy. I've never done this before, as I've always been quite cynical about how helpful that would really be. But now, I'm thinking that it might be the best thing to do...? As I have soooo much stuff that I think I need to just communicate/get off my chest about my life, my sense of who I am etc. But I'm also very wary about taking this step. Would not for example want to go through a GP referral, cos although I'm a bit depressed now and again, I know I'm not clinically depressed, and anyway, I tend to steer clear of GP's/conventional medicine unless absolutely necessary.

Know this has been a looong post. But if anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it.

Static M.e.

hey

Why dont you try and contact some of your old friends, the ones you lost touch with, you sound like a really down to earth nice person so im quite sure they would still like to be in contact with you. Look them up and give em a call.

Also what about the people you work with, what are they like ? you work with them all of the day so they can be like friends too sometimes maybe not as close as real friends, but they could be !

Why dont you mix with your BFs friends ? they could your friends too you know, a lot of my friends always bring their GFs out with us and now they are all our friends too ! so when their BFs arent around they still come out with us and have a laugh. Also its a great way to meet friends of friends which can again grow to your friends and widen your social circle.

Also you really I suppose have to kinda make the effort in the evening and go and meet people or at least if you meet people when you do go out at the weekend try and find things you have in common, even going for walks in the evening and maybe try and arrange to call them or meet them during the week and go for a walk. Once you start im sure you shouldnt have any trouble.

Another great way to meet people is partys !! parties are an excellent way to meet new people, throw a party for some unknown reason and invite all your Bfs friends and maybe some of your decent neighbours if they are fun, even your family if they are fun. Dont make a formal dinner sort of thing just chips and dips, beer and wine , BBQ if its hot. Once everyone is sitting around getting all pissed up, just make a point to walk around and talk to everyone see if they need anything etc and just get to know them, ask what they do for a living, compliment them, and that kind of thing pretty soon you will have loads to talk about.

The bfs mates GF,s chat to them alot and find out what they do at the weekend when the guys go out ! dont let on that you sit at home alone kind of thing, just say your bored of doing the same old thing, then they will ask you to come out with them and bingo ! your in

anyways just some ideas, take care

WhiteWashMan

same as above, why not try contacting some of your old friends?

also, at what point do you feel you cant make new friends?
what is it that holds you back, or do you just not know how to go about it?

Beruthiel

as Static M.e. suggested, why not just call up your old friend and tell her you've been thinking of her a lot lately and miss her friendship? good friends are quite happy to hear from you no matter how long it has been since you last talked, what have you to lose from giving her a call?

Gilgamesh

agree with Static.

Or you could go to some evening courses, painting, massage courses or even Boardstock (see the Ads for it, hehe). meet new people

Zillah

Static M.e. wrote:

Another great way to meet people is partys !! parties are an excellent way to meet new people, throw a party for some unknown reason and invite all your Bfs friends and maybe some of your decent neighbours if they are fun, even your family if they are fun. Dont make a formal dinner sort of thing just chips and dips, beer and wine , BBQ if its hot. Once everyone is sitting around getting all pissed up, just make a point to walk around and talk to everyone see if they need anything etc and just get to know them, ask what they do for a living, compliment them, and that kind of thing pretty soon you will have loads to talk about.

This is a very good idea. Do that.



Here's some pretty drastic ideas:

Get a change of career, leading to new workplace and new colleuges.

Go on a a holiday, one of those three month backpacker dealies, you might find yourself living in Australia with a dozen new friends in a years time.

Take a break from work and do a course in college as an mature student. There's a handful of 25-30 year olds in my course (im 20) and they get along fine with everyone.



To be honest it just sounds like your life has stagnated a bit. Liven things up. I know you said you're tired after work but joining some sort hobby group etc is a very very good idea. People won't just arrive at your door, you won't find new people if you don't get out and about.

ando

Gracie_05 wrote:

But to be honest, at the end of the working day I'm too knackered to make the effort

ah, you've got to make the effort at doing something. I joined a club there a few weeks ago, meeting the same ppl once a week and you'll see your social circle expand, but you gotta be making the effort to ask ppl to the pub or whatever

koneko

If it's something that bothers you, then you can do something about it. It just takes effort. But if it's something that bothers you then the bit of effort will pay off in the end and ultimately you'll be happier for it.

Why not go to the boardstock beer this friday. Not everyone there is a weirdo *

* not a guarantee

Doodee

koneko wrote:

If it's something that bothers you, then you can do something about it. It just takes effort. But if it's something that bothers you then the bit of effort will pay off in the end and ultimately you'll be happier for it.

Why not go to the boardstock beer this friday. Not everyone there is a weirdo *

* not a guarantee

I take it that means your not going then :P