Sensitive Issues with women

ether

The girlfriend and I were just talking in general about kids(or so I thought), we already have 3 kids and I don't want anymore, not because I don't like kids, far from it, basically its the financial factor and with already having 3 kids I think it'll make it harder to spend time with all of them. Anyway she misheard me or misinterpreted me wrong, she says I said ' I couldn't rule the possibilty of it out' , maybe I did, i was a caught in the moment or whatever.

Shes in her mid 30s so obviously time is against her, she says half of her does and half of her doesn't. She got into a bit of a state when I reitterated that I didn't want anymore now and after a few days sulking I think shes over it. Has anyone else experienced this? Any ideas as to how I should tackle the subject in the future?

MojoMaker

Hasn't she, literally and metaphorically, got it out of her system having had 3 already?

ether

Obviously not, maybe its a woman thing I don't know.

Victor

Perhaps if you explain to her that the important bit for you is not just **now**.

Hitting 40 increases the risks in pregnanct substantially and this may be her last (practical) chance.

Is there a chance she is pregnant and / or started nesting already?*

Ultimately it's something you guys have to talk out and agree together.


* Try waking her up at 2:30 and 5:30am and ask can you suck on her nipples for 20 minutes. When she refuses, scream and cry until she gives in. Do this for a week. The following week, insist she carry a pillow around under her top. Comment she looks fat. Take a dump in the bedroom.

Rinse and repeat. See if her mind changes.

ether

Theres no way shes pregnant, if I woke her up at 3 in the morning to suck her nips she'd tell me what to suck.Maybe I need a female perspective.

neuro-praxis

Victor - absolutely ROFL

Dr. Paco

Dr. Paco suggests you try something with the wife. Since you have 3 kids already, you didn't mention their ages, but Dr. Paco will assume they are not very young children.

Offer to watch the children of your friends on one evening. Let your friends have a night out on the town, while you and your wife watch their children. Of course, make sure it's several of your friends so that your house will be overrun with children. Suggest to some of your friends to feed their children foods high in sugar to transform them into super-hyper-balls of energy.

One time might do the trick....if not, a few more will.

Now seriously, as funny as it sounds, the wife is experiencing her maternal side and the effects that come with age. The wife is experiencing her needs to be maternal to a child, but more importantly to experience the joy of pregnancy again. Some may recall pregnancy is a beautiful thing to a woman, while others may recall the painful state of hell experienced during delivery. Typically (and Dr. Paco does not say this is the case for everyone) once a woman remembers the amount of energy required to raise small children, it can occasionally change their mind.

Dr. Paco has also heard that buying the wife a pet such as a small dog can also influence a different decision on the desire for another child.

athena 2000

Victor. LOL! That's some of the most practical yet somewhat disgusting advice you've dispensed I've ever read.

Ether, some women really do have a desire to have babies. They enjoy being pregnant and never have a problem with it. They also get an increase in attention. Take it as an indirect compliment that you're a good dad, and she wants another child with you. Meanwhile perhaps some extra TLC for her, and a new puppy (who barks in the third person! ) might distract her.

Beruthiel

ether wrote:

Maybe I need a female perspective.

can't give you any help on that one I'm afraid, I had one child which cured me once and for all, I knew before she was even born that I wasn't doing that again!
I cannot for the life of me understand why after three kids she isn't happy, how many does she want and why?
how can three not be enough!?
how many is enough?
perhaps if your partner was to look into why she needs more, have you asked her?
is she afraid of being alone for example?
sit down with her and calmly discuss her reasons for wanting more.
At the same time have a list yourself, expense, three being enough, etc...

ether

Thanks Dr P (can i call you that).Paco sounds like a spanish guy I used to know, who indulged in extreme amounts of tequila, and you wouldn't want to be in that company.
I think for now I've tamed the tiger, lots of TLC always works.

ether

I just hate the phrase ' its not you thats having it'.Fair enough point taken, but its me that has to raise it as well, support it in every way possible. Sometimes its hard looking after yourself,let alone your kids. and yes I do feel a bit bad for saying no but for an issue as important as this I have to be honest its a life we're talking about.

Beruthiel

ether wrote:

I do feel a bit bad for saying no but for an issue as important as this I have to be honest its a life we're talking about.

I don't see why you should feel bad at all, you have three, and kids are very expensive, especially teenagers! You also deserve a life and the more kids you have the less the chance of that ever happening!

ether

I haven't got that far yet(teenagers) the oldest is 11, then 5 and 3, as well as that it wouldn't be fair on them. She's become so much more independent since the young fella was out of nappies and started playschool, ah! she knows I'm right maybe just doesn't want to admit it, she even likes getting to do her own thing in the mornings, or when we go out not having to worry how he is. It'll pass I'm sure.

Nevyn

Well you do have a say in this matter and it could be up to you if you wished.
You have the right to control your own reproductive organs and could consider
with discussion to go have the snip.

contracption gets tricker the old a woman gets and there are many couples out there,
who had a baby as a result of the start of manopause which can take over a
year for the female reproductive system to trun off for there is no simple switch.

I have two brats and that is enough and with the youngest in school life does
get easier but that does not mean when i get to hold and play with someone elses
baby a bit of me does not go wistfully ahhhhhhhh and you get a funny ache
arround your heart and there is nothing like the feel of the weight of a baby
in your arms for children grow up so quickly.

Do baby sit or visit some one that has small ones cute smiles and dribbles and
stinky nappies and she may change her mind.
It is a very logical choice for you as you are worrying about provided for your family
and ensuring a good qualtiy of life for you and your children.
Gods knows where 3rd level fees will be when our children do thier leaving cert
but for your partner it is an emotional topic and almost saying good bye to her
feritily and closing a chapter in her life.

Maybe she needs you to take charge and talk about it and what your choices
are as a couple for contraception in the future and what you want for you and
your children.

IF she has the time and you have the inclination they are currently crying out
for tempary foster parents.... that maybe something else to talk about.

IT could be she does not know what do be doing with her small ammount of spare time so
encourage her to do a day course or classes or to go the gym or yoga
or what ever will cheer her up and intrests her.

meepmeep

holy bübbles &#8224 wrote:

You should go for it in my opinion. You's can always get an abortion or put the kid up for adoption if you change your mind.

That is quite possibly, the worst piece of advise I have ever seen.

Not funny either.

The trolls just don't try any more :rolleyes:

Beruthiel

bubbles
please don't troll in here
B

Santa Claus

Thaed wrote:

You have the right to control your own reproductive organs

Listen Thaed, I'll let you in on a secret......it's not us men that control our reproductive organs, but more the other way round.

The only control we have is aiming the thing when using the bathroom....that's it ! Everything else is at the discretion of our organ (and it's frequent partner in crime alcohol !).


On a more serious note, ether I have nothing but admiration for the case you put forward. you sound like a top notch dad who has the interests of his kids at heart....consider yourself back on the "nice" list !

Santa

Beruthiel

bubs
I could not open the link you posted and asked one of the Mods to do so on my behalf, please PM me if you have a problem instead of going off topic
a

ether

Ta Santa, all this positive feedback makes me feel ten times better, and besides we're onto other financial matters right now. I'm just gonna take the words pregnant,baby and menopause out of my vocabulary. Thanks guys.

Victor

ether wrote:

She's become so much more independent since the young fella was out of nappies and started playschool,

Is this the core of her dilemma, that suddenly the nest is emptying, that she misses the carer role?

Does she work outside the home?