Marital Bliss :)

Skorzeny · 23-04-2001 1:08pm #1

A typical macho man who married a typical
good-looking lady laid down the
following rules: (After the Wedding) "I'll be home
when I
want, if I want and at what time I want - and I
don't expect any hassle
from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table
unless I tell you
differently. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing,
and card-playing when I
want with my old buddies and don't you give me a
hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just
understand that
there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every
night-whether you're here or
not."

#

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day
of their 40th wedding
anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm
getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My
Wife - Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah" she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you
a headstone that reads,
"Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

#

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation
to go to the dentist.
"I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want any pain
killers
because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "
Just extract the tooth as
quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way."
The dentist was quite impressed.
"You're certainly a courageous woman," he said.
"Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her
husband and said, "Show him
your tooth, dear."

#

A father and his son go into the grocery store
when they happen upon the
condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are
so many different boxes of condoms. The father
replies...well, you see
that 3 pack?
That's for when you 're in high school. You have 2
for Friday night and 1
for Saturday night.
The son then asks his father, well what's the 6
pack for? The father
replies, well that's for when you're in college. You
have 2
for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for
Sunday morning.

The son then asks his father what the 12 pack is
for? The father replies,
well that's for when you're married.
You have one for January, one for February, one
for March etc ...

#

A man has six children and is very proud of his
achievement. He is so
proud of himself that he starts calling his wife
"Mother
of Six" in spite of her objections. One night they
go to a party. The man
decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find
out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He
shouts at the top of his
voice, "Shall we go home Mother of six?" His wife,
irritated by her
husband's lack of
discretion shouts back..."Anytime you're ready,
Father of Four!"

#
One doctor husband and his wife are having a fight
at breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "and you are not
good in bed
either" and storms out of the house. After
sometime he realizes he was
nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to phone after
many rings and the irritated husband says "what took
you so long to answer
the phone"? She says, "I was in bed". "In bed this
late, doing what"?
"Getting a second opinion" she says