Confused over G/Fs behaviour

LegacyUser

So what do you make of this:

Im seeing the girl for about a year. She gets annoyed with me over the oddest things, such as me not being able to call over some nights, me wanting to watch something in particular in telly... etc etc

I hadn't been in her place since Sunday , cos I had to do a few things on Monday and Tuesday night. I did give her a call both Monday and Tuesday when I got in, and on Tuesday she seemed really distant on the phone. Last night, I called over and made dinner, and lo and behold, shes annoyed with me. Over what? I dunno!

Trying to get the information out of her is like pulling teeth, i.e.
Me: "Are you ok?"
Her: "*silence*.......yea"
M: "then why dont you sound ok?"
H: "I cant talk about it"
M: "why not?"
H: "because...."
M: "oh right... 'because'...thanks for that info"

etc etc

So eventually, I get it out of her that she is annoyed with me from earlier in the week. In turns out that she thinks that the whole world revolves around me and my free time, when in fact I plan everything I do around her! I even told her that I deliberatly have nothing on this Monday (valentines) so that we can spend some time together...

...am I in the wrong here or am I getting the classic doormat tratment?

...are all the females that I meet completely irrational?

/me waits onslaught from female users of boards

The odd thing about this is that one time she'll be all cold and angry with me, and then a while later she'll be grand...

Beruthiel

...are all the females that I meet completely irrational?

no
not all of us
and yes, I am quite aware of the fact that a bloke will do something or have a row and then completely forget about it by the next day and carry on as normal, where as some women tend to still be steaming over it a week later cos you didn't say sorry for whatever you did in the first place.
Anyways, just tell her straight that you are a bloke and won't always know why she's pissed off, so it's better she just tell you out straight instead of living in the vain hope you work it out. Some women don't get this and need it explained to them.
If she takes this on board then things should run more smoothly for ya.
a

ChRoMe

To be honest your post echo's the feelings of a lot of boyfriends imho. What you are describing I think every bloke gets to some degree or other.

Explain your crystal ball is in the shop and so you cant read her mind To be honest I used to just ask "are you ok? something wrong?" if I got the generic female response to that question "nothing" or "fine" then I would act as if there was nothing wrong. If she's seriosuly pissed off she'll start talking quick enough if she see's you acting like there is nothing wrong

tinkerbell

Sounds to me like she's acting like a bit of a pain in the ass. Not all women are like that. Getting annoyed with you over something you wanna watch on TV or not calling over some nights is ridiculous. There is compromise - she can watch something she likes, then you can watch something you like. Plus, the calling over thing - you need your own space too. Just because you have some free time, doesn't mean you aren't allowed spend it by yourself doing whatever. Because that's an important part of a healthy relationship.

Talk to her and explain to her (to be blunt) that she can't always get her way! And also, to stop being so moany! It sounds to me like you do need to have a chat about it if her attitude is hot one minute and cold the next.

Kell

Hmmn,

Seems like she wants 100% of your time as opposed to 80% of it. Explain that you are not going to accept that and that you have your own life to live.

If she doesnt want to accept it (clue is when you have explained it more than twice) dump her and move on.

K-

kittenkiller

My advice would be to tell her that you HAVE to do whatever it is you want/have to do but follow it up with 'but i'd much rather be with you...'.

Then when you do see her & she seems all pissy & she's not willing to tell you what it is, just compliment her a lil (do TRY to sound sincere at least), until all focus is on her & how great she is!

That's the approach my boyfriend's been using for the last 3 years & it works a treat for him!

best of luck, we're a strange & volitile species!


(& often violent!)

MizzKattt

It sounds as if she may be at a different emotional level than you are. Everyone has a state of emotional neediness ranging from very low maintenance to constant reassurance. From the little I read, you seem to be at a much lower level of emotional neediness.

LegacyUser

kittenkiller wrote:

Then when you do see her & she seems all pissy & she's not willing to tell you what it is, just compliment her a lil (do TRY to sound sincere at least), until all focus is on her & how great she is!
That's the approach my boyfriend's been using for the last 3 years & it works a treat for him!

and when your boyfriend does this, you dont see through it at all, even though you are conciously aware of it???

kittenkiller wrote:

we're a strange & volitile species

My sentiments exactly. Why should I have to try a fix anything when I havent done anything wrong? If anything, my G/F should be apoligsing to me...

pickarooney

Has anyone ever met a needy man?
This kind of sulky if-you-don't-know-what's-wrong-I-won't-tell-you bollocks is far too commonplace and I don't understand what's to be gained by acting it out.

Can anyone shed a light on the purpose of it?

simu

pickarooney wrote:

Has anyone ever met a needy man?
This kind of sulky if-you-don't-know-what's-wrong-I-won't-tell-you bollocks is far too commonplace and I don't understand what's to be gained by acting it out.

Can anyone shed a light on the purpose of it?

The plots of many soap operas and sitcoms depend on characters dragging out awkward situations by behaving like this girl - maybe it's a case of life imitating "art"?

As for needy men - they exist but should be avoided at all costs.

@ original poster: tell the girl you'll dump her if she doesn't stop being so cryptic.

ChRoMe

men are needy in very different ways though. To be honest we are a lot easyier to shut up and make happy

In the immortal words of chris rock "feed me, F|_|ck me, shut the f|_|ck up"

I presume you are all overjoyed at the prospect of me being able to post here again

L5

why do your posts show up twice on the front page chrome ?

pickarooney

L5 wrote:

why do your posts show up twice on the front page chrome ?

Maybe you'd want to PM him about that.

meditraitor

Run run run, as fast as you can, hope you dont have rabbits dude..
your in trouble when a woman who obviously lacks self confidence makes you feel at fault,,, >>>fish + sea

MizzKattt

pickarooney wrote:

Has anyone ever met a needy man?
Can anyone shed a light on the purpose of it?

One of my best friends is VERY needy. He doesn't sulk or throw temper tantrums to have his needs fulfilled. He cheats...constantly. When I asked him, he said cheating made him feel wanted, desirable. The girl mentioned above is just choosing a different outlet to have her needs known.

Beruthiel

L5 wrote:

why do your posts show up twice on the front page chrome ?

please read the charter with regards to taking threads off topic,
as pickarooney said, PM him if you wish to know.
B

The_B_Man

does she ever seem like she's happy? i know a girl who does this when she wants to break up but makes him dump her so she doesnt seem like the bad guy!

Sleepy

Is your girlfriend 16 or something? Because she's certainly acting like a petulant child. Tell her so. If she can't grow up, ditch her like the clingy spanner she seems to be.

ChRoMe

my pm doesnt work. I would keep this off the thread if I could but I cant

Lafortezza

Confusious wrote:

and lo and behold, shes annoyed with me. Over what? I dunno!

You wiped it on the curtains didn't you? Girls don't like that...

Gone West

hey theres two sides to every story

vibe666

Confusious wrote:

...am I in the wrong here or am I getting the classic doormat tratment?

...are all the females that I meet completely irrational?

I'll get you a membership form.

Seraphina

Confusious wrote:

...am I in the wrong here or am I getting the classic doormat tratment?

...are all the females that I meet completely irrational?

yes you're getting classic doormat treatment. do something to shake things up. i.e. dump the whiney bitch. (if that doesn't learn her to not pick at irrelevant thigns, nothing will)

no, not all females are that irrational, unfortunately, the majority are dont ask the rational ones, we haven't a clue wtf is going on either! women *boggle* me sometimes, despite the fact that i am one

azezil

Seraphina wrote:

yes you're getting classic doormat treatment. do something to shake things up. i.e. dump the whiney bitch. (if that doesn't learn her to not pick at irrelevant thigns, nothing will)

no, not all females are that irrational, unfortunately, the majority are dont ask the rational ones, we haven't a clue wtf is going on either! women *boggle* me sometimes, despite the fact that i am one

The irony is strong with this one


*sniggers and runs away*

Beruthiel

Az
do not take the thread off topic, slag her in PM if you wish, but not here!

Unpossible

she sounds high maintaince, no matter what you say to her she is still going to see herself as the victim and you as the bad guy. I think you should just move on, there are better women out there (go for a finn).

Kell

Beruthiel wrote:

Az
do not take the thread off topic, slag her in PM if you wish, but not here!

Gah- the iron lady once again takes the mirth out of PI's. Oh the days of open slagging sessions on PI that had me on my knees with laughter.

Sigh.

K-

Beruthiel

those days are gone
get over it kell
now back in yer box!

Kell

Beruthiel wrote:

now back in yer box!

But I dont have a box to get into. There are some boxes I would, however, like to get into on a semi regular basis. (Me blows kisses to Ruthie)
K-

vibe666

ooh, that one's going to earn you a slap Kell!

I've got a membership form for that club too.

seriously though, you need to talk to her. sit her down and talk it out.

RossFixxxed

lafortezza wrote:

and when your boyfriend does this, you dont see through it at all, even though you are conciously aware of it???

Eep! Stop it you, she'll beat me again! I didn't know I had any approach tbh, but if someone does feel bad there's on harm in trying to make them feel better, and after more than 3 years together I think she knows what's sincere and what's not from me!

Everyone has needy, mopy days. It's bad that she's taking it out on you but you can try and cheer her up, or make her feel better about something else, take the focus away for a bit!

Women are scary, especially kittenkiller, oh no she's behin me, somebody call for hel..............

The_Conductor

Get a copy of John Gray's book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus out of the library- along with being an interesting read- it also helps you to better interpret what the opposite sex are saying- along with a basic guide to reading body language. Desmond Morris's books are good in this area too. Unfortunately- whether you like it or not, guys and girls, while members of the same species (allegedly) function in totally different ways.
With regards to your immediate problem- don't start a fight over it, certainly- you don't know whats happening- but its not worth fighting over. A possible approach might be "When I don't know what the problem is, it makes me feel...... (insert your feelings here)". You are not accusing her of anything- instead you are alerting her to how you genuinely feel.

The boot is often on the other foot- women not knowing (or presuming) that we function solely for sex, food and sleep- with occasional sports and tv interludes. Sometimes we have the exact same needs and desires as the opposite sex, but are just too afraid to articulate them. If you wanted to treat a statement such as I have just made in a clinical manner- have a google and check out Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. Its a bit of a blunt instrument, but true nonetheless.

I'd advise treating the situation as a chance for both of you to get to know each other a little bit better- turn an awkard situation into an opportunity instead of a fight. Women are not magical mystical creatures, nor are we- though we often like members of the opposite sex to think we are!

FX Meister

Sounds like she has Princess syndrome. I went out with a chick like this once, get out as soon as possible, they don't change.

skywalker

pickarooney wrote:

Has anyone ever met a needy man?
This kind of sulky if-you-don't-know-what's-wrong-I-won't-tell-you bollocks is far too commonplace and I don't understand what's to be gained by acting it out.

Can anyone shed a light on the purpose of it?

you can always turn this to your advantage and that will end it quickly enough. for instance: any girl who answers the question "what do you want for" (insert occasion, birthday, christmas etc ) with "if you loved me youd already know" or some other such whiny response, gets an xbox, end of story. ask her again next year and she wont make the same mistake.

bombidol

Im my experience. A lot of women are like this. as a mate once said

"Women are from the Planet MOODY 2nd moon to the Planet BITCH"

Its just what they do man.
somethings wrong but they wont tell you what it is. Yet they expect you to know whats wrong in the first place.
they are also experts in the fine art of Guilt reversal. Its knowing when the guilt reversal is happening, thats the key. So you can pull a double guilt reversalb and get out of it. sometimes theres the triple and quadruple guilt reversal but these are usually put aside and kept for the arguments "You didnt call me last night" and "I dont think you love me anymore"

pickarooney

skywalker wrote:

you can always turn this to your advantage and that will end it quickly enough. for instance: any girl who answers the question "what do you want for" (insert occasion, birthday, christmas etc ) with "if you loved me youd already know" or some other such whiny response, gets an xbox, end of story. ask her again next year and she wont make the same mistake.

I can't stop grinning at this I just see a miffed man in an apron with his arms crossed after plonking down a games console in front of a teary-eyed girl with corn-row plaits - "That's what you're getting' now, lick it or like it".

FX Meister

bombidol wrote:

Im my experience. A lot of women are like this. as a mate once said

"Women are from the Planet MOODY 2nd moon to the Planet BITCH"

Its just what they do man.
somethings wrong but they wont tell you what it is. Yet they expect you to know whats wrong in the first place.
they are also experts in the fine art of Guilt reversal. Its knowing when the guilt reversal is happening, thats the key. So you can pull a double guilt reversalb and get out of it. sometimes theres the triple and quadruple guilt reversal but these are usually put aside and kept for the arguments "You didnt call me last night" and "I dont think you love me anymore"

But then shouldnt that be all women are from the Moon Moody?

Doodee

I'd hazard a guess that you can be called upon whenever she likes?

Out of curiosity, does she have low self esteeme?

pablo321

This is definately sounds like a symptom of someone with low self-confidence.

There is nothing you can do to change her, but be like Iron.. In your mind fix how you want to be treated, what you need from your life, this relationship and fight for it...

Compromise is overrated. At the end of the day its about being happy and people can only bend so much before they break:):)..

If the relationship is meant to be then it will survive and possibly she'll learn to grow and deal with her own problems.

If it falls apart then its best to get out of it quick and learn to spot the signs for the next time.

But whatever you do, do not ignore your feelings on this. You might think your being petty, but these things are important.

Good luck
Pablo:)
<Eight years on the Front Line of the War of the Sexes>

ChRoMe

"any girl who answers the question "what do you want for" (insert occasion, birthday, christmas etc ) with "if you loved me youd already know" or some other such whiny response, gets an xbox, end of story."

Good man yourself! (sorry for the me too post but i thought he hit the nail on the head)

ChRoMe