Pity Party for One Please

MizzKattt

Give me a solid reason of how this all came to be
Is this punishment for being too proud?
Loving the way I felt and looked standing next to you
Beaming as others looked on with envy
Was I not enough when we exchanged glances?

Love no longer holds the promise it once did
I’ve danced this sad song before
Misery has become a familiar partner
And every word sung punctuates my tears
Now I’m living out the cliché
Ancient story of scorn
Little girl fantasies of my prince charming
You’ve become my cross to bear

Words sit heavily on my chest
Waiting to be set free
If we were never meant to be
Why does it ache so?

I look at your side of the bed
Wondering how to get used to it empty
It never felt so big
Yet the streets seem too small
Careful not to pack your pictures and letters
Knowing the composure left will fade
My phone dials your number on its own
Scared you will answer
More scared you won’t
Looking around, touching everything
Fighting the urge to absorb your smell
Trying to get whiff of the past
And a glimpse of how we used to be
Your essence lingers all over

I’m still counting the days, hours and minutes
We ceased to exist
Time now the enemy
Taunting me with every slow tic tock
Everything feels so vacant
I feel vacant myself
Wondering how I’ll ever fill this void
How am I to replace this?
I’ve been leaning on you for too long
And now we’re just you and I

I want to lie in your arms
And have you shush all my grief away
Kiss my eyelids
And tell me it doesn’t matter
because you are there to stay

My mind is too busy
And the air too stale
Tell me some sweet lie
To make it easier to breathe
I don’t want any sound advice
Let reason ride the winds
And take us to what was once

I’m still struggling for a footing on this quicksand
Trying to remember the pillar that I used to be
Trying to find some measure of that strength
To come flooding in
And rescue me from this state
Waiting for the peace to come
Wanting my heart to be hard
Wanting to set the pain apart
Just to mourn the death of us

Found myself marked insignificant again
Desiring with all that I am to hate you
Ought to forgive myself for not being able to
Torn between wishing the best for you
And expecting the best for me
Tears wait just beyond my sight
Feel like a wrangler holding them in
The sadness of the situation leaves me weak
Tempting me to lie down and weep
But life won’t let me sit on the side
It keeps shoving me on against my will
Avoiding stray glances
So there are no chances
The secrets of this injury will flee
I don’t want to seem ungrateful
I’ll hold hard to our good memories
They’ll carry me through

At least your heart was mine even for a little while
I had the chance to embrace you and call you home