Getting Over Someone

LegacyUser

I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago and having taken other ppl's advice to 'get under someone else' to get over her (which I've done many times since) i'm finding it still difficult to get over her. I'm 26 and she's the only woman i've ever told that i loved her - i've never told any other woman i've been with i was in love with them cos i hadn't been.

I've been getting out, hanging with friends, partying and getting on with my life but i still find that every so often my thoughts wander onto her and i find myself getting slightly depressed about not having her around in mylife anymore. Sleeping with other women the next day only makes me feel guilty even though i know i've no reason to since i'm not with her anymore.

I just find it difficult to get her out of my head sometimes and am really at my wits end trying to figure out what to do to get her out of my head once and for all - i'm open to suggestions cos this is driving me mad somedays

Beruthiel

GettingOverHer wrote:

I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago and having taken other ppl's advice to 'get under someone else' to get over her (which I've done many times since) i'm finding it still difficult to get over her.
I just find it difficult to get her out of my head

give yourself time, in about 6 months you should be well over her, continue what you are doing now - time is a great healer and as each day goes by you will feel a little better about it.

Dublin8

thats worst what happened to you man

i am in the same boat as you are

but what can u do. you have to go through this. time will heal

just remember
what ever happens happens for our betterment

keep the positive thinking

JohnCleary

As far as im concerned, if you fall in love with someone, you'll always love them, until the day you die.

I broke up with my ex (i have a gf now for the past 8 months) over a year ago, she was my first real love, and I can honestly say I am still in love with her. Eventhough im convinced that I love my current GF

pwd

sorta how i'm feeling. been 6 months since splitting with fiancee and i'm still hurting pretty bad from it. Miss her even though I'm def better off without her. Maybe it's just guys that are like that. Women move on pretty easily in comparison.

The_Conductor

I disagree fundamentally with the advise and your chosen course of action.

You loved this girl, indeed you still do. Regardless of how many people you date- that is not going to change. Certainly, time may dull the pain, but fundamentally you are not going to change the way you feel about her.

I disagree with the idea that you can replace the way you feel about one person with feelings for another person.

Accepting your feelings for your ex, along with the changed circumstances, and learning to live with it, is what you have to do.

At the core of the issue is your feelings and happiness. What I would advise is try to get out, try to not be alone or lonely. Do things that you like to do. Remember though- getting over someone does not mean forgetting about them, it means accepting the current situation, no matter how difficult it may be.

nesf

I was devestated after coming out of a long term relationship 2 years ago. It took me a long time but I did get over her. Make no mistake I still love her, but I'm not craving to be with her, or in fact wanting to be with her at all. It does mess your head up and it can be tough to deal with. I disagree with the advice to get under the problem, it didn't work for me and ended up putting me off women, which is the situation now. That and I've not found anyone who i'm interested in for a long time, never mind make it work with them!

Give it time mate, times is the best healer for a broken heart. That is without a doubt.

pwd

smccarrick wrote:

I disagree fundamentally with the advise and your chosen course of action.

You loved this girl, indeed you still do. Regardless of how many people you date- that is not going to change. Certainly, time may dull the pain, but fundamentally you are not going to change the way you feel about her.

I disagree with the idea that you can replace the way you feel about one person with feelings for another person.

Accepting your feelings for your ex, along with the changed circumstances, and learning to live with it, is what you have to do.

At the core of the issue is your feelings and happiness. What I would advise is try to get out, try to not be alone or lonely. Do things that you like to do. Remember though- getting over someone does not mean forgetting about them, it means accepting the current situation, no matter how difficult it may be.

I think this is probably true. You can get angry and push someone out of your head and suppress thougts about them. It feels like you have lost a part of yourself if you do this. Exhaust or let go of the anger and you find you miss them just as much as always. No matter what they did. The feelings don't go away. They can be suppressed or they can be turned into hate but they don't go away.
This is what i feel rather than what i know. as i said it has been 6 months for me. not old enough to know (25) but i feel this is the truth.

pwd

nesf wrote:

I was devestated after coming out of a long term relationship 2 years ago. It took me a long time but I did get over her. Make no mistake I still love her, but I'm not craving to be with her, or in fact wanting to be with her at all. It does mess your head up and it can be tough to deal with. I disagree with the advice to get under the problem, it didn't work for me and ended up putting me off women, which is the situation now. That and I've not found anyone who i'm interested in for a long time, never mind make it work with them!

Give it time mate, times is the best healer for a broken heart. That is without a doubt.

it does put you off them doesn't it? No way I'll be interested in a proper relationship for ages. On the other hand dating has become an entirely stress free activity since it's impossible for anyone I do meet to wreck my head because I genuinely don't give a **** what they do or think. Although I will leg it a mile and feel guilty if they seem too keen. Sometimes come across as being confident and forthright because of this. I'm neither. I just don't care which is different.
On the positive side, losing your gf = having loads of spare money all of a sudden

i had a better response but i refreshed the page accidentally.

nesf

pwd wrote:

it does put you off them doesn't it? No way I'll be interested in a proper relationship for ages. On the other hand dating has become an entirely stress free activity since it's impossible for anyone I do meet to wreck my head because I genuinely don't give a **** what they do or think. Although I will leg it a mile and feel guilty if they seem too keen. Sometimes come across as being confident and forthright because of this. I'm neither. I just don't care which is different.
On the positive side, losing your gf = having loads of spare money all of a sudden

i had a better response but i refreshed the page accidentally.

Yeah I was like that for the first 6 months. I lost all interest in dating after that. I'm not sure exactly why, but there are medical reasons for me not to be in much of a dating mood. I do feel like I've way more spare cash, but I don't think that was my ex-gf's fault, but me not going out as much as a single person.

daddy's girl

hi, trust me i know were ur comin from. my ex brk up wit me last year march and it feels like yesterday that he and just started dating. we went out almost for 2 years. you should have been wanred that once you fall in love with someone there's no turning back. beaten and testifying!
you don't exactingly getover them wat happens is that you grow to accecting they aint coming back and wit time you see them as that special friend that could have been. hating them is easy but forgiving is easier than you think . as for the guilt feeling it comes wit the falling in love.
advice if you know that anytime you gettin under or on top of someone why don't u just stay away from it. its hard i know, my ur age and i went out someone who was 3 yr younger than i am and i am still in love with the guy. another thing is admitting u're still love with this person helps u understand wat u're up against. i can go on and on any questions just holla. daddy's girl

Seraphina

are you a ****ing retard daddy's girl?
i've just read two of your posts as they happen to be very recent and you mis-spell almost every second word
ffs put some effort into your typing! none of this ****ing leaving out vowels ****. this isn't a text message, you have a full keyboard, and use of the english language (well i presume, its not that obvious) so ****ing USE IT!!!

swiss

ffs put some effort into your typing!

Exactly. I mean what next? Using acronymns instead of taking time to write out the full phrase!?

[edit] Oh and to the original poster, I agree with most people here. Time heals all wounds. Try to go out there and meet someone else, it might seem like a trite activity, but it will at least make you feel a little bit better about yourself. I also suspect that because you were in a loving relationship, going from that to relatively meaningless sex probably gets you down. If this is the case perhaps you should make more of an effort to get to know/like these other women you are dating?

isolde

You really just need to ride it out. Someone once said to me that it can take the same amount of time you were in the relationship for to get over the person properly.. i.e. it could take 2 years to get over someone you went out with for 2 years. I don't know if that's true, but over a year after I broke up with my ex, I still love him dearly. I hope it doesn't take another 3 to get over him properly.

I think what smccarrick said is very accurate. I think that, if this was something very meaningful for you, a part of you will always be in love with her. And she can never be replaced.. you will love again, but the next love won't replace the last.. this one will always have a part of your heart.

It does get easier with time if you occupy yourself. The biggest problem I found initially was filling the huge amounts of time I would have normally spent with my ex. It's hard to shake the dependency. It's strange and sad sleeping by yourself again. Go out and enjoy yourself if you can.. if you don't want to have casual flings, then don't. Each to their own. I think they can help, but sometimes the meaninglessness of them is not what you need, when it is the old intimacy and friendship and closeness that you crave.

~ isolde.

Beruthiel

Seraphina wrote:

are you a ****ing retard daddy's girl?
i've just read two of your posts as they happen to be very recent and you mis-spell almost every second word
ffs put some effort into your typing! none of this ****ing leaving out vowels ****. this isn't a text message, you have a full keyboard, and use of the english language (well i presume, its not that obvious) so ****ing USE IT!!!

Seraphina, if you have a problem with another poster PM them or report them, don't flame them on this forum
B

/note to self...
must ban text speak in this forum

Zulu

Seraphina wrote:

are you a ****ing retard daddy's girl?
i've just read two of your posts as they happen to be very recent and you mis-spell almost every second word
ffs put some effort into your typing! none of this ****ing leaving out vowels ****. this isn't a text message, you have a full keyboard, and use of the english language (well i presume, its not that obvious) so ****ing USE IT!!!

Hear, hear. Thank you Seraphina - I taught I was the only one being driven demented.

About getting over the ex. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.
Sorry buddy, but it takes time. One morning (it took me bloody ages) you'll realise she no longer matters. You seem to be doing all you can though - so full marks there.

Keep going out with your mates. Keep scoring. Keep positive. Best of luck.