funny email received

[SN]JAG

thanks go out to king of new york for this one

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">
The Diffrences between the sexes

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each
other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,
a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods,secret fears and

hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

LISTENING
What a woman says:
C'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do laundry now.

What a man hears:
C'MON ... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW
</font>

[This message has been edited by [SN]JAG (edited 10-02-2001).]

Victor

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by [SN]JAG:
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,
a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
</font>

six items?

1 toothbrush,
2 shaving cream,
3 razor,
4 bar of soap,
5 towel

What no 'reading material'?

---

[cue Homer Simpson voice] Hmmm, pigeons.

Fidelis

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by [SN]JAG:
towel</font>

No talcom powder ?

---

Nil Desperandum

Paladin

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.</font>

lol. How true

Da Bounca

if ya kicked my cat youd probably break your toe. yes he is that big and fat! more like a dog that can meow

Lump

HE HE, all so true.


John

neuro-praxis

Only *bits* of it are true...and women read on the toilet too you know, they just don't tell you about it.

---

Do your limbs ever get tingly, eh? eh?

Keeks

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by neuro-praxis:
Only *bits* of it are true...and women read on the toilet too you know, they just don't tell you about it.

</font>

Spoke like a true women - pointing out the wrongs of man

---

Homer: Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! (chugs beer)

neuro-praxis

Huh. Have you got all day?

Nah, just kidding. My philosophy;

Something unexpected always happens to wreck any good trend. See my examples -

GOOD TREND
women get more political power

UNEXPECTED BAD THING
women are as dumb as men

hehe. we're all dumb. so quit yer bashin'.

Stephen

Heh, sounds like someone's been reading The Dilbert Future

neuro-praxis

Heh heh - Scott Adams is my god. (That's god with a small g - I don't have a Scottie shrine in the corner or anything )

Check out my sig these days. Plagarism is the way forward, nay, the *only* way forward. j/k

---

Setting is Dogbert's office. Wally sits across from him.

Dogbert: You can't expect your employer to take care of you forever, Wally. Don't expect raises, don't expect to be trained and don't expect a pension.
Wally: That's depressing. I need a sourball. (*reaches for sweet*)
Dogbert: Those are marbles wrapped in cellophane.

Victor

Originally posted by Victor:
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,
a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

six items?

The point is only 5 items are listed

Duh?

---

[cue Homer Simpson voice] Hmmm, pigeons.

SantaHoe

*Laff*

---

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Baz_

godam neuro you always have to raise the level that little bit don't you, serious girl.

neuro-praxis

Origianlly posted by Baz_:

<<godam neuro you always have to raise the level that little bit don't you, serious girl.>>

Um, what? *looks around feeling a bit hurt*

I really am not sure what point you were making there...care to spell it out for me? perhaps I should add a joke too so that you don't think I'm too serious...

oh hang on - I don't have any jokes cos I'm too serious.

?

---

Give me back my towel. I'll sue.

Baz_

i just meant that some people when entering a conversation no matter how profound the conversation is they will always find a way to lower it a level, whereas you are the complete opposite, no matter how low the material you always manage to higher the level. Wasn't being overly serious though so don't worry too much.