issues with ex keeping my stuff!

Silent Grape

okay so here goes, sorry about any confusion and the length. im 21, and met an 18 year old boy at a gig in december, he ended up staying in my house that night because he had no way of getting home.
we ended up having sex, which was all fine, strange for me to have random sex, but it really felt like i could trust him. then he stayed another night, which was wonderful, it was one of the best weekends ive had with just one other person. i felt a very strange and surreal connection with him, like id known him for years.

so he went back to galway and we kept in constant contact untill i went down to see him for a few days during my christmas break. it was all really lovely. he told me he loved me (slightly unbelievable after knowing me for a month, but howandever) anyway it was a really lovely few days.

we were in no way going out with each other, and when he asked me if id been with anyone else, i said yes, and he flipped out a little. told me he'd be in work for the next day from 7 am, told me i cud get the early train home. it was ridiculous. so i got really upset, of course and blamed myself etc etc, only know do i realise that he was using my insecurities about being used for sex against me.

anyway that was all sorted out and it was okay again. went home eventually and was quite happy about the situation, if a little more careful is how i was handling it emotionally.

found out id let some of my things in his house. he came up a couple of weeks later, forgot my stuff. didnt apologise. freaked out about something tragic that happened when he was younger and put a dent in my bedroom wall with his fist. came out with me and my friends and sat in the corner playing depressing music on a guitar, not speaking to anyone. everyone thought he was wierd. so did i. got really drunk and started telling people how i was his 'saviour'. pissed me off when i gave him my very last fiver to buy bread and milk and stuff and he comes back with a tiny thing of milk, expensive bread, and a **** load of chocolate, which he ate all by himself. he stays for three extra uninvited nights, which REALLY pissed me off,as i had college and essays etc etc. he kept telling me how he had much more to do than i did. didnt listen to me. interrupted me. assumed stuff about me.

so anyway he goes back to galway and things are faltering quite a bit, but i was feeling okay about it, soon as i get my stuff back, ill just lay off the texting, i think. alas no.

he comes back up for a gig, only a two night stay. forgets my stuff AGAIN. AGAIN doesnt apologise. he pisses me off by calling me a bitch. i have serious issues with anyone who im close to calling me this. he knows why i have certain issues with it. we have a MASSIVE fight. he laughs at me while im screaming/sobbing. is basically a patronising ****. wanted to kick him out there and then. should have. we sort it out, (sort of). my best friend comes over and he sits in silence in the corner of the room, sulking, wanting more attention than im giving my friend. in the middle of the conversation he gets up and aggresively leaves the room, goes into my bedroom and puts on some crappy metal REALLY loudly.

he eventually goes to gig, tells me he'll be home by midnight latest, fine, i had college early. comes in at half one, after waking me up by calling me while he's hanging out with whatever ****e band were playing. keeps me up all night because he's so excited about hanging with the band.

next day he goes home thank **** and as neither of us have any credit contact is suspended. occasionally i texted him hello, and if my stuff was posted yet. he didnt even have my address.

obviously things are fizzling out, which was bound to happen, but really really depressed me, as i have immense difficulty in trusting and maintaining trust in men. occasionally i ring him to see whats up and he is sulllen and moody and basically teenager like. instead of being genuinely happy to be hearing from me, he's acting too cool to sound it and being offhandish. when i challenge him about my stuff he gets all defensive claiming he's had a 'bad week'.

so anyway. i ring him yesterday from work and he goes 'hey, im in dublin!', so obviously i ask him if he has my stuff. he says no, that he forgot. i ask him why he forgot, he says 'why do most people forget things?'. what the fnuck? so much for a fnucking apology! obvoiusly im a little pissed off, to say the least. he starts rambling on about his '****e' week . etcetc. im ready to KILL him. then i text him saying how hurt i am, because i really really am hurt by him. i feel completely used and abused and its sht. i get a text back with the lyrics of some pretentious song and at the end it says 'bye,ill post ur stuff'. charming, isnt it?

so thats the last contact ive had with him. ive tried calling him numerous time but he doesnt answer. i want nothing more to do with him, i just want my stuff back, and i have no idea how to go about it. the worst bit of all this is that i trusted him enough to sleep with him. thats the worst part.

im so sorry for this post, thanks for listening.

Chucky the tree

sounds like an immature like ****er.

go up to galway, get your stuff, give him a knee in the balls and your sorted.

Mr.Nice Guy

He's what's called a 'bad boy'.Like most women do with these types,you fell for him.
Move on.He doesn't respect you.

You need to find yourself a nice guy.

DRankin

Go up to Galway stright away and get your stuff and that ****er

coolhandluke

What was it,Gold Bullion or something !.Unless it's major important forget about it.

Idbatterim

Im not arsed writing a long reply, but he seems very immature, and you are a 21 year old girl going out with a 18 year old male teenager, i mean am i missing something?

elvis2002

yah this lad is the usual immature little fooker. Was he wearing his favourite slipknot jumper when he picked you up??? He did pick you up, who goes to a gig without a way home, he probably said to himself, jaysus im onto a lucky one here.

He probably sold your stuff on to make some money for hash or a new nirvana bootleg. If you remember where he lives, go up there and ask his mammy what the little fooker has been doing with your stuff..... he sounds like a right saddo though, your better without him.

Gordon

Yeah, I'd go to Galway for the day - you know where he lives don't you?

Go get your stuff and close the case.

uberwolf

Gordon wrote:

Yeah, I'd go to Galway for the day - you know where he lives don't you?

TBH I'd only do this if whatever you left was worthwhile. Sentimental. Chap has issues. I wouldn't fancy you walking into a potential confrontation with him other some worthless crap.

regardless don't communicate with him againfor any reason.

Silent Grape

thankyouso much for your replies, he wasnt really a 'bad' boy, he initially seemed very gentle and sweet. the reason he came home with me was because he had a fight with his friends and they fnucked off.

i noticed his immaturity when i went down to see him, but to be honest, age doesnt matter that much to me, i was with an 18 year in my college for a while who noone could believe was only 18, so these things happen. having said that, i am definelty going to be a lot more careful in the future about who i let randomly come home with me.


the stuff i left was incredibly worthwhile,i left clothes, which are unimportant, but i lent him three CDs, which are of HUGE value to me. my ex boyfriend who im still great friends with, hand-designed the covers for me when we were together and its all very sentimental. the boy in galway was supposed to bring them up for me the first time he came up. cant believe i trusted him so much.

i got on quite well with his mum and dad, so im going to give them a ring in the next couple of days and explain that i need my stuff posted to me, and i will be sending the boy a bill for the dent in the wall. he's still a kid, he's going to care very very much that his parents know about this.

i really need to sort my head out about boys. maybe a sabattical would be a good idea, then afterwards i could describe each new boy i meet here, and u guys could judge for me, because quite obviously i am incapable of judging the nice ones from the sneaky, lying, sly, aggressive, blackmailing ones? : )

also, i do not have the cash to get to galway and back, unfortunately.

thankyou so so much for letting me know thats its not all entirely my fault?

Amz

uberwolf wrote:

TBH I'd only do this if whatever you left was worthwhile. Sentimental. Chap has issues. I wouldn't fancy you walking into a potential confrontation with him other some worthless crap.

regardless don't communicate with him againfor any reason.

Agreed I wouldn't push the issue with him unless the items have very sentimental to you.

A guy I was friends with had my guitar tuner, a load of CDs, some vinyl records (These had sentimental value), a dress shirt and a few other bits and pieces of mine. As soon as we stopped hanging out I tried to get this back and he refused point blank. I cut off all communication with him.

Met him a few months later when I was out and asked him for my stuff back. He told me he'd sold most of it for beer money. I could have killed him, but at the same time I realised that now I no longer had a reason to communicate with him. He wouldn't have a reason to contact me in the future with "do you want your stuff back?" comments.

vibrant

Christ, he sounds like a flipping nightmare! Getting in touch with his parents is a great idea. I'd suspend all contact with him, though.


(edited to add the words "with his parents" as the message looks daft without 'em!)

BrianD3

If the stuff is so important to you, go down to Galway yourself and call to his house. Does he live with his parents or in a rented house. Either way, don't pussyfoot around, call to the house and tell whoever answers the door that there's stuff there belonging to you and you've come to collect it and if they give any hassle tell them that you've come down from Dublin or wherever and are not leaving till you get your stuff.

Once you get it, break off all contact with this moron. Unfortunately a lot of silly girls are so drawn to bad boys like this that they keep going back to them no matter how badly they are treated.

Next time you meet a guy and only know him for 1 month, don't let him borrow items that are of sentimental value and don't leave them in his house.

BrianD3

Silent Grape

i have already said that i cannot afford to get to galway.

he is not a typical 'bad boy'

i am not a 'silly' girl, but thanks for the patronising attitude. when i get treated badly, i do not go back to them, so please stop generalising about my one individual experience.

but thanks for being so judgemental, its so very easy to see things differently when ur not directly involved.

BrianD3

Silent Grape wrote:

i have already said that i cannot afford to get to galway.

Well it's like this - either find a way to get to Galway or you'll never see your stuff again. If you rely on him or his parents posting the stuff, you'll never see it again. If you keep asking him to bring the stuff up and he keeps telling you he has "forgotten" it, you'll never see your stuff again.

And he is most definitely a moron and a bad boy based on the information you have posted.

BrianD3

LegacyUser

He is not a bad boy, he is a passive aggressive limp-wristed wimp. The lowest of the low and utterly pathetic.

There is a world of difference.

Karl Hungus

Don't go to his parents for your stuff, they'd probably just brush you off with a comment like "Our boy would NEVER do something like that" and you'd get yourself a bit more grief there. Lets face it, parents look at their kids with rose tinted glasses, so no matter how well you got on with them before, they're hardly going to take the side of someone they barely know over their flesh and blood.

See if you can get some you know, who knows him, to give him a smack upside the head, and get your stuff for you.

The Sweeper

Silent Grape wrote:

we were in no way going out with each other, and when he asked me if id been with anyone else, i said yes, and he flipped out a little.

Did you ever tell him that you were in "no way" going out with him? I mean, you sleep with him, keep in contact with him, visit him...

You can't just assume that someone knows your intentions. Did you ever stop and say "by the way, so's you know, I'm not here for anything serious, this is just a bit of fun for me, and I hope it's a bit of fun for us"?

The problem with being 18 years old is that it can be the first time you embark on a really 'serious' relationship. Thanks to university, it can be the first time you're away from your parents and you really get to experiment - change your look, your personality, abandon the stuff from your adolescence that you don't want to be associated with, become a 'whole new you'.

On top of that, you get to have sex for the first time, with new and interesting people of your own choosing. You throw yourself in big time, head first, in deep, up to your neck, past your chin, devil may care, passionate "I love you"s, dramatic angsty moments, wall punching, "this happened to me when I was a child", airing your issues in public, devoting your life, soul and heart to someone you met in a bar and decided were your soul mate. And the hurt? Well that's new too! So what can you do? How far can you push it? Bring on the oneupmanship of the hurt!

Generally, it makies for a great big sloppy and disorganised mess of a relationship. Which is fabulous if you're 18 too, because you benefit from the experience.

But you're not.

If I were you, I'd stop trusting people you meet within 24 hours of you meeting them. Put some value on your trust - stop giving it away and then wondering why it comes back bruised and tatty round the edges. If you sleep with someone the first time you meet them, understand that it's just sex. Make sure the person with you understands that too.

As for your stuff? Collateral damage - write it off and move on.

ooo - one last thing. If you were "in no way going out" with him, then why is he your "ex" in the title of this thread?

Nala

Silent Grape wrote:

i really need to sort my head out about boys. maybe a sabattical would be a good idea, then afterwards i could describe each new boy i meet here, and u guys could judge for me, because quite obviously i am incapable of judging the nice ones from the sneaky, lying, sly, aggressive, blackmailing ones? : )

Silent Grape wrote:

please stop generalising about my one individual experience.

but thanks for being so judgemental, its so very easy to see things differently when ur not directly involved.

I think you might be slightly contradicting yourself here.
If you don't want to be judged on one particular experience by people who are not directly involved, don't post on the Internet about it looking for advice.

Aside from that, it was foolish of you to trust someone so quick.

Pigman II

The guys a freeloader. Forget about him and your stuff. You'll never see it again cos he's already sold / broken / lost / given it away / made up his mind they he doesn't want to goto the effort of returning it (pick one).

Oh and stop being so naive in future. Time & property are valuable things and shouldn't be given to others without due care.

Sir Oxman

Hats off to Minesajackdaniels.

Best advice (to me) in that post was:
"If I were you, I'd stop trusting people you meet within 24 hours of you meeting them. Put some value on your trust - stop giving it away and then wondering why it comes back bruised and tatty round the edges."

Been there just recently and I'm no spring chicken ;-)

Ho hum, life's a ...

Chucky the tree

BrianD3 wrote:

Well it's like this - either find a way to get to Galway or you'll never see your stuff again. If you rely on him or his parents posting the stuff, you'll never see it again. If you keep asking him to bring the stuff up and he keeps telling you he has "forgotten" it, you'll never see your stuff again.

And he is most definitely a moron and a bad boy based on the information you have posted.

BrianD3

hes not a ****ing bad boy for chrits sake. Hes just immature. theres a big difference.

also, have your ever thought the reason he has brought your stuff down is because it gone? specially if you told him that your ex did the cds and it was important to you.

He seems like the kind of twat that when pissed off would chuck it away out of spite.

Mr.Nice Guy

Chucky the tree wrote:

hes not a ****ing bad boy for chrits sake. Hes just immature. theres a big difference.

also, have your ever thought the reason he has brought your stuff down is because it gone? specially if you told him that your ex did the cds and it was important to you.

He seems like the kind of twat that when pissed off would chuck it away out of spite.

He sounds like the typical bad boy to me.You say:

"He seems like the kind of twat that when pissed off would chuck it away out of spite."

Isn't that the behaviour of a bad boy?!

kermitdfrog

Why do people think this guy was a 'bad boy'? Seems to me that couldn't be further from the truth. He seems a bit of sad little boy to be honest. He's immature, emotional, needy...little boy lost


For the original poster, if you can't get to Galway I'd go down the road of ringing his parents and asking for his stuff. I don't buy it that they'd stick up for him, mainly because it doesn't need to be an issue. If you simply ring and say you want the stuff sent, please, and he keeps forgetting, you don't need to mention all the bull that has gone on and they have no reason to stand up for him.

Main thing here is to learn your lesson. You say age isnt an issue - true, but maturity and mental age is. After the second time you saw him I would have called it a day if I was you - if any girl pulled that on me after one weekend that'd be it. Alamr bells should have rung but you stuck around. Seems to me YOU may have some confidence issues to put up with what you put up with, and to go out with someone so much less mature than you. This is not an attack or criticism, just some advice - go with your instincts earlier.

Chucky the tree

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

He sounds like the typical bad boy to me.You say:

"He seems like the kind of twat that when pissed off would chuck it away out of spite."

Isn't that the behaviour of a bad boy?!

no thats the beheaviour of someone who is immature i think and isnt emotionally read for this kind of thing.

if he was cheating on her, he would be a "bad boy", or gave off an attitude he didnt care for her. He seems to care about her too much to be a "bad boy".

kermitdfrog

nice guy

Not really. People don't mean a bad boy like boy who's just childish and spiteful. A bad boy is that type women love, all rough edges... haha!

Gordon

Semantics. (emphasis on the 'man')

Victor

kermitdfrog wrote:

For the original poster, if you can't get to Galway I'd go down the road of ringing his parents and asking for his stuff. I don't buy it that they'd stick up for him, mainly because it doesn't need to be an issue. If you simply ring and say you want the stuff sent, please, and he keeps forgetting, you don't need to mention all the bull that has gone on and they have no reason to stand up for him.

A few pointers on this.

How much is your stuff worth to you -v- having to deal with him?

If you want to go the parent route, phone the house when you know he won't be home. Leave a message along the lines of "Just saying 'hi', just wondering if you've posted up the clothes and the three CDs" (if he's being spiteful it may be better to **not** mention the covers are important.)

If this doesn't get a response, make an arrangement with someone from boards (or that you know) in Galway. Phone the house again and say your friend is in town for the day and will call to collect at ..... (specify time).

It may not get your stuff back, but you can play bunny boiler.

BolBill

Call his parents and ask them to send the stuff back.

logic1

You don't have any massive male friends with cars I take it?

Get one to drive you down, introduce him as your boyfriend and your stuff will appear in minutes.

Unless he's sold it all to support a crack habit.

.logic.

Sleepy

What's the kids name? There's a load of us boards.ie's from Galway. Chances are one of us know him and can ask him 'nicely' to send you your stuff back.

cajun_tiger

you and your x(the one your mates with)go up on a trip. save if needs be, 28 euro day return via train per person.
go and ge your stuff

MojoMaker

Silent Grape wrote:

...snipped for brevity...

QUOTE]

Do yourself a favour and start going out with men not boys. So you got burned by an 18yr old skanger, you'll heal. Probably by the weekend.

Normal people don't put fists into bedroom walls. You're bloody lucky this immature clown didn't land on one you.

Not wanting to sound harsh, but seriously, move on. Forget about the stuff unless it's particularly sentimental. Don't even waste a breath engaging with this fellow again.

cajun_tiger

let us know how things get on

Bottle_of_Smoke

logic1 wrote:

You don't have any massive male friends with cars I take it?

Get one to drive you down, introduce him as your boyfriend and your stuff will appear in minutes.

Unless he's sold it all to support a crack habit.

.logic.

weird story, the above is by far the best solution

MickFarr

Silent Grape wrote:

stop generalising about my one individual experience.

Silent Grape wrote:

i really need to sort my head out about boys.

Whats that all about then ????

Amz

MickFarr wrote:

Whats that all about then ????

I would imagine it has something to with the fact that every relationship is different.

the_syco

I agree with sending someone over to get your stuff :cool:

I'd actually do it for sh|t and giggles, but I'm not going to Galway for another while yet.

But as Sleepy said, there's bound to be someone on here that would do it for sh|t and giggles.

MickFarr

Amz wrote:

I would imagine it has something to with the fact that every relationship is different.

Isn't that the same for everyone. I don't need to get my head sorted out about women. There all different and thats one of the reasons I love them. I would hate it if they were all the same. Just would be interested to know what she means? The bloke in question does seem very immature mind you.

Amz

I don't think you really understood what I meant.

MickFarr wrote:

Isn't that the same for everyone. I don't need to get my head sorted out about women.

Well then you should write a book, I'm pretty sure there are men everywhere who would love to know your secret!

There all different and thats one of the reasons I love them. I would hate it if they were all the same.

You're not the only one.

Just would be interested to know what she means? The bloke in question does seem very immature mind you.

There are people out there who don't know how to approach a relationship or deal with the idiosyncrasies that each relationship presents.

If people seem to have a lot of bad experiences with men/women/whatever they may feel like the problems are coming from their end and as a result feel that they need to sort their head out.

It may seem like no matter what they do in a relationship thing always go pear shaped or whatever.

MickFarr

We'll just have to see what she means then?

Might have to start a thread to see how many men need to get there heads sorted out about women and then I'll post some advice.

LegacyUser

Silent Grape wrote:

we were in no way going out with each other, and when he asked me if id been with anyone else, i said yes, and he flipped out a little.

Here lies what went wrong.

He's obviously younger and was probably very hurt by this, and what followed (Bad behaviour, forgetting clothes) was deliberate revenge.

You shouldn't have told him you shagged somone else in between basically.

Silent Grape

observer, i did not 'shag' anyone else and its not as simple as you made out.
he definetly knew we were not going out. that was made abundantly clear.

i did not ask for a personal critique of my personality., i know where i went wrong, there is no need for everyone pointing out what they think. i just wanted to know the best way of getting my things back.

he's not a 'bad boy', hes a very messed up boy, who needs someone who's able to handle that. i cant.

mojomaker, please shut up. he is not a skanger.you do not know me so please dont tell me when i will get over things.

minesajsckdaniels, i dont usually trust people within 24 hours of meeting them. i have already stated that he knew we were not going out, so you'll just have to believe me.

he isnt in university either, and he's been havig sex since he was 15. first time he had sex was when he was raped as an eight year old. not trying to defend him in ANY way, i just think a fuller picture is needed.

i said he was my 'ex' because it was the simplest way of putting it, (ooooh)

Nala, im not asking to be 'judged' on anything. also, thanks for your remark about my trust, but i think i can handle it myself. what i wanted to know was what the best way of getting my stuff back..but...eh, yeh, thanks for pointing out how foolish i am anyway..

chucky the tree, i never told him the CDs were of huge importance to me, but thats not the issue either.

i did not ask to be judged on my choice of men, or my trust and confidence issues. i am 21, i have lived with myself long enough to know these things about myself. but i am young enough to make mistakes.

i just wanted a bit of a rant and advice on how to get my stuff back. i dont care anymore. this thread has made me extremely depressed. i am not naiive in the slightest. im not stupid, im not immature. i just wanted some helpful advice, a la Kermitdfrog.

thanks for all your replies. i hope it turns out for the best.

Sangre

My God, I didn't think people were actually that immature about things...or angsty.
Anyway, think you'll have to cut your losses unless:
a) you'll be in the area in the near present and you can just ring the door bell and ask for it, I hardly think you won't get it from him or his parents
b) Get a friend/relative in Galway to pick it up.

You know, technically you can trespass on his property to get your stuff back.

On a side note, why the hell would he tell someone he hardly knows that hes been raped?

billy the squid

are you entitled to request the guards to retrieve your property in a case like this?

as amz has stated further up the thread, if he has flogged your stoff it means that he cant use the "oh i found this belonging to you do you want me to bring it up to you" excuse.

Gordon

Sangre wrote:

You know, technically you can trespass on his property to get your stuff back.

Huh?

mycroft

Sangre wrote:

You know, technically you can trespass on his property to get your stuff back.

What Gordon say, what the hell are you on about?

Victor

Sangre wrote:

You know, technically you can trespass on his property to get your stuff back.

But the law is technical - it would be trespassing.