on a brk

twentyfour7

Ok not to try boring anyone but here's my story. Been seeing a girl for 2+ yrs , pretty mad about each other and spending allot of time with her. We went out when we were younger as well for around a year and split for 2 years. Got back together anyway and things were going great(i thought). A few arguments here and there as most ... especially when beer involved & my mates were around.
Anyway had a row over christmas.... and ended up her going on a break from me. Its almost a month now.. we've talked and argued and blah blah and were just not getting really far. She says she loves me and just me but "doesn't know what she wants" . I have only ever wanted her so i'm confused as what to do. We're talking on the phone and getting on ok.. no with eachother. i keep making all the effort and she doesn't seem to notice.
What do you think .... keep trying or leave her be ... i.e if she comes back to me its meant to be.. Heads a bit wrecked thus why i'm writting this.

silly

just ask her straight out, if she's going to get back wit u or not. tell her u love her and no 1 else. tell her she has to decide sometime soon cos ur head is wrecked and u need to know!

Etain

Maybe you should clarify just what she means by "break".Are the two of you free to see other people? She admits that she doesn't know what she wants, so there's no reason to push her. Don't make any demands. Talk to her regularly so she knows you are there and still interested. If she takes too long deciding what she wants, you may have already found someone else.

PowerHouseDan

i think going on a break really means i am afraid to break up with you!

Mr.Nice Guy

Etain wrote:

Maybe you should clarify just what she means by "break".Are the two of you free to see other people? She admits that she doesn't know what she wants, so there's no reason to push her. Don't make any demands. Talk to her regularly so she knows you are there and still interested. If she takes too long deciding what she wants, you may have already found someone else.

I don't agree with this advice at all.Basically Etain wants you to bend over and be like a lovesick puppy for your girlfriend!

Her saying she does not know what she wants is womanese for "I'm pretty sure I don't want you".

If you want my advice,I'd start dating someone else and leave her be.If she really wants to get with you then she'll make a move.You can't live your life waiting for her.
Do your own thing and let her worry about what she wants.Focus on what YOU want and forget her.Good luck,man. :cool:

The_Conductor

I disagree with Mr. Nice Guy.

Lots of women (and men too) genuinely do not know what they want.
She is not saying she does not want you- if she loves you as seems apparent, she would tell you outright if she no longer wanted to be with you.

Often, familiarity can breed, not contempt- in the manner the old expression goes, but a lack of proper appreciation for that which people have.

I would advise taking things easy- get your work done, chill, listen to music, read a few books.

Don't hassle her, don't pester her- don't be constantly ringing her. Leave it up to her to contact you. If it is to be, she will in due course get back in touch with you.

Its not a case of forgetting about her- regardless of what happens, she will always be part of you- but allow her to come round to things in her own time rather than trying to influence matters.

Take things easy-

S.

CathyMoran

Don't wait for her - move on with your life but if she is for you you will keep on ending getting back together... a couple of years ago I found out how my parents got together, they even dated people on breaks but they always got back together.

MojoMaker

Wow, polar opposites. You couldn't script it any better.

personally I'd go with Cathy on this one. Life seems endless now, but soon enough you'll be looking over your shoulder at it...

nesf

If I was in your position and loved her and didn't want to be with anyone else I'd wait and give her the space she wants.

Then again I'm just like that. Chronically nice.

Alana

Going on a break doesn't nescsrly mean that shes going to break up with him....it could just mean that she needs space, time and might feel a bit clostraphobic (sp), particularly if she doesn't know what she wants.

How old are ye? Heres the old cliche, some people don't know what they want until they'r much older, and sum ppl when they are much older still don't know what they want.

I'd give her time, let her know that u care for her, and love her, and if all u want is her then i'd wait-but don't be a doormat! be very very careful of that. if ppl know that u really care for them, sometimes they can turn it on u (pardon my cynical-ness) giving her a bit of space might b a good idea as well-ie dont talk to her for a wk or 2 and then send her a quirky email/txt...give her time to think, but remind her subtly what a gr8 person u r

I'd also clear up what ye mean by a break- is it a Rachel type break or a Ross type break? ie are ye seeing other people...?

If you really love and only want her, give her time.

CrowdedHouse

Another old cliche but maybe worth thinking about :

"If you love somebody, set them free. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."
-Anonymous.

LegacyUser

I have to agree with the people who've posted that 'taking a break' doesn't necessarily mean "we're breaking up, but we're delaying it a while". Towards the end of last year, I was in a pretty crap place in my life -- everything in general was just getting me down. I took it out on my boyfriend, mostly because I could, and because I felt so numb about everything that I didn't know what I wanted.
We broke up in November in the midst of my "depression". Anyway, long story short, two months go by, I'm on the other side of the crap, I'm feeling good. However, I realised that I love my boyfriend more than anything, and instead of breaking up, I had really needed space to sort everything out. I wasn't able to deal with a relationship on top of everything else. I *should* have asked for a break, i.e for him to give me space and time, but maintain a dialogue and an understanding that we weren't single, just apart for a while.

Right now, we're currently working on a reconciliation after I poured my heart out. But in my stupidity of not realising a 'break' was better than a 'break up', he met someone else, and had a rebound fling. Now of course, this is an issue for me to deal with if we're going to get back together and all. It's just that, I can't help feeling that I shouldn't have been so eager to call it quits just to get some space.

In short, to the OP, having been on the other side of this situation, you should give her time. Obviously not a ridiculous length of time, but if you do love her and only want to be with her, you can't push for a time limit on this. I can't say I know her motives for wanting a break, but I understand that some people, myself included, just get suffocated sometimes in a relationship, even if they do love the other person. If it's understood that she's taking some time to herself, to be her own person, yet remaining faithful to you and maintaining an open dialogue with you, then I think a little bit of time isn't too much to ask for.

The only concern I think should be is that if she wants to see other people, then you can't be a doormat and accept that she's going to date other guys while you stand on the sidelines and wait for her. Fair enough if you both feel like spending some time with other people, but if it's not right for you, then you have to make it clear to her that either you're on a break and staying faithful, or you're breaking up and becoming single.

twentyfour7

Wow,

I wasn't expecting that many replies!! Mixed feelings on the whole thing like most of you. Well i think i'll hang tight another few days and wait for her to call me. Havn't heard anything since friday so i really don't know.
Someone asked whether or not she wanted to see other people. Well from my point of view i def. don't. She said to me that she doesn't want anyone else and i have to trust that so that's what i'm trying to do. Not very easy. Its terrible when somebody changes all of a sudden after so much time together... good time together. Talk about your world being turned upside down!! :eek: Wish me luck thanks

LegacyUser

Hi there.

My advice would be (I've been there, got the T-shirt and got back with my partner):

1. Let her know clearly what you want

2. At this stage, thats all you have to do. Anything else is pushing it

3. Dont email, text, call etc. Let her sort her head out first to see what she wants. She has your information-what you want-so let her figure what she wants

4. If she decides its worth another go, you (both) are going to have to try and figure out why you keep arguing so often.

There is no easy way to do this but think of the consequences to both of your actions: i.e huge fights.

Is it really worth huge fights etc to get a point accross? Most of the time people fight about petty things to simply try and justify to themselves that their partners are listening.