They mean business now!

LoLth · 11-10-2000 2:58pm #1

> This week's featured item highlights a shadowy body called the Surrealist
> Republican Party who have a new posting on the internet. It reads:
>
> "We of the surrealist republican party demand the unconditional surrender
> of Her Majesty's government and the incorporation of the United Kingdom
into
> the Irish Republic. Failure to comply with this demand will result in the
> following punitive measures:
> 1. We will continue to make you look stupid by winning all the Nobel
> Prizes for Literature ahead of your hopefuls while using your own daft
language.
> 2. We will continue to allow Boyzone to release records and ensure
> through a craftily organized buying campaign they are at number one for
at
> least four months a year. Remember - we have the Corrs in reserve.
> 3. We will collectively continue to support Manchester United and provide
> them with players of the calibre of Roy Keane. With our famous luck
allied
> to that talent, it will be a chilly day in hell before anyone else gets a
> look in - though we may let Liverpool win once or twice, for old times'
> sake.
> 4. We will continue to send good-looking lads and lasses to the UK
> to marry your sons and daughters. Since anyone with an Irish grandparent
is an
> Irish citizen, by our calculations the UK will be Irish within two more
> generations at current rates. This is what we call 'the long plan'.
> 5. We will continue to be more charming than you lot, ensuring that
> everyone in the world loves us and despises you.
> 6. We will keep coming to London and taking all the good jobs.
> 7. And if all else fails, we'll send in Big Tom to do a UK-wide tour,
> packaged with Red Hurley, Margo & Daniel O'Donnell.
>
> Truly a weapon of mass destruction.
>
> Manifesto of the Surrealist Republican Party."