Did I over react?

LegacyUser

Ok not sure if it belongs in this thread so mods move if so..
Last night i was in my mums best mates house with my mum and brother as my mum was taking Paul (her friends son) home from work. Myself and Paul never really got on, well i never really got on with him, as i can be very shy and both our parents can take the pi$$, telling him that im mad about him,as a result i get embarrased and they all think its hilarious... anyway last night we were in his house which was quite full.. his nana and grandad his parents his older brother and sister and his younger sister my mum and my brother. I am absolutly TERRIFIED of mice.
A conversation started about mice(he knows that im afraid of them but he started it to wind me up, was in stitches laughing when i shivered.)
He walked around behind me and took a mouse trap out of one of the presses as everyone else was talking and threw it at me and shouted something like jesus look at him shanna! i totally freaked then. i jumped up and i couldnt talk/scream/breathe for a few seconds then i started to shake and burst into tears in front of everyone before i ran out. Now i feel so so so so stupid because every one saw me acting like a compleate idiot, my mum and bro followed me in her car and his older sister followed in hers, feel like i made a big deal out of nothing now. His mum called my mums mobile then to see if i was ok which made me feel worse. About an hour later he texted my mums fone and said " im sorry. I didnt know u were so afraid. i only done it 4 a laugh. if i had known you would have reacted so badly i wouldnt have even thought about doing it." I dont really want to ever see him again though and i dont believe hes sorry cos imo that word doesnt feature in his vocab. and he did nt even text my phones to apologise. My mum told me not to be so childish though and just "forget about it"... i no it sounds stupid but i cant he really freaked me.. what should i do?
Forget about it and pretend it didnt happen?
or
Go with doing my best to avoid him..
thanks

Chinafoot

i'd say try and forget about it....as hard as that may seem at the moment.
i dont see it as over-reacting though. some people think its hilarious to play on people's phobias like that, they dont seem to realise that this is genuine fear. i cant swim because i am absolutely terrified of my head going underwater, so teh only time you'll see me in the pool on holidays is in the shallow end when im really hungover! one holiday my ex-boyfriend thought it would be hilarious to get me on a lilo (after much coaxing and promising not to let me go) and then he pushed me over to the deep-end and left me there! he thought it was funny but i was unbelievably scared....i couldnt move. he soon realised he wouldnt be repeating that!

this guy sounds like a bit of a díck but im sure he got some stick off his mam so he's probably feeling stupid about it too. try not to worry too much and you could even try and laugh it off next time you see the family.

snappieT

I reckon he's sorta learned his lesson. You never really liked him before, and at least now you have some solid ammo. If he tries to go all pally on you tell him to go **** himself, but for the sake of you mother's friendship with his mother, I wouldn't go to crazy about it.

Your reaction, by the way was my no means OTT, and if somebody did something like that to me with my phobia, they probably wouldn't have been able to txt "sorry" because their wrists would have been cut off.

Slutmonkey57b

The guy is a dickhead. Avoid him and tell your mum you're not going anywhere near him again. Also tell her about the number of other times you've been embarrassed :

as i can be very shy and both our parents can take the pi$$, telling him that im mad about him,as a result i get embarrased and they all think its hilarious...

This kind of behaviour from your mum is not on, she probably has no idea that her joking affected you this badly, so tell her about it. Then repeat you're not going back there.

You don't have to mix with your mum's friends if you don't have to.

ferdi

ah yeah, sounds like a bit of a redner, as slutmonkey said, avoid that asshole in the future

StandnDeliver

well ya man sounds like a plonker if i was you id swallow my pride ask him his worse fear and put him in your shoes lol ie get your own back
but idealy you probably wont coz you sound like a nice person,Maybe tell him you didnt appreciate his childishness and tell him your mad at him and he has a lot of groveling to do.As for the ppl they probably told him off and gave hima iece of their mind,Coz everyone has phobias or pet hates.Hold your head up high nithing to be ashamed off

Miles

At least he probably got shouted at by his mam for ruining the evening. I would try to forget about it.

DoctorEdgeWild

Try to forget about it, lotsa people have serious phobias about one thing or another and someone who might exploit those phobias for some kind of cheap laugh is pretty much a total dick. Its never easy when something like that happens but it will blow over and as for him, I suggest you not bother your time even thinking about him. Hopefully he got in sh1t from his parents for causing the whole thing - which he did, not you

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

The_Conductor

I don't think you over reacted at all.
As has been pointed out above- you don't have to socialise with your parents friends.
I think you should have a serious chat with your Mum over the whole thing.

Regarding the apology- if "you" get an apology, a genuine apology.... to "you"- not some excuse for him trying to get back into your Mum's good books, or a damage limitation exercise on his part, I'd accept it, but not forget it. Its one thing to forgive a creep like that- but I'd not forget it, I despise people who have it in them to pull stunts like that for a cheap laugh.

I don't think you over reacted in the least- I don't have a phobia about mice, but I do have other phobias- and if someone played on them in the manner in which this arsehole played a cruel joke on you- I swear they would learnt a lesson they would never forget.

Have a serious and honest talk with your mother- explain your feelings. Your lack of enthusiasm for her friends does not have to impact on her friendship with them, but when she knows how you feel, she will doubtless take better care of you in future.

S.

Evil Phil

Slutmonkey57b wrote:

The guy is a dickhead. Avoid him and tell your mum you're not going anywhere near him again. Also tell her about the number of other times you've been embarrassed :
This kind of behaviour from your mum is not on, she probably has no idea that her joking affected you this badly, so tell her about it. Then repeat you're not going back there.

You don't have to mix with your mum's friends if you don't have to.

Exactly what I was going to say. Tell your mum that she's not allowed to try and embarrass you in front of people anymore and tell her that you never liked Paul. Don't go back to that house if you don't want too, you can simply refuse to go. If you do stand by your descisions, parents need to be taught these things, they never cop them for themselves. If she leaves you sitting in the car outside then get out of the car and walk home. Telling a parent to 'F*ck off' in front of their friends is about as much as you can embarrass them, think about that too.

Personally I think your mother should be standing up for you more or at least accept that you're no longer a little child.

logic1

Sounds like you want to sleep with him.

.logic.

Victor

I don't quite understand the mouse phobia, mine is black bananas. /me starts to regress....

shaza wrote:

Myself and Paul never really got on, well i never really got on with him, as i can be very shy and both our parents can take the pi$$, telling him that im mad about him,as a result i get embarrased and they all think its hilarious...

My sister and an aunt used to tease me (until I was about 20) about this girl I kissed .... when I was 3. Not pleasent.

What I would contemplate would be to make them realise (but not maliciously) what it's like to be in your position. Suggesting Paul got you pregnant comes to mind....

Oh, you might want to talk out the phobia with someone.

simu

It was your natural reaction. Don't worry about it - the guy sounds like a complete idiot.

BolBill

I reckon you're so worried about it because you actually like him.

dundealgan

When i first read this post, i thought i had written it! and the fact u are called shaza was even more coincidental!

Anyway, i lived in a house in dublin last year with my mates, and the port tunnel was being built right behind our house.... ie. lots of mice!

Now i was scared ****less of them, and numerous times the guys took advantage of this, and i passed no remarks! But once, it got out of hand. Our landlord had put down poison, and we had put down some traps!

One day i arrived home from college with a mate, and went into the kitchen to make tea, and there was this little fecker in the middle of the floor, blinking at me! I near died on the spot! He had obviously eaten poison, cos he couldnt move! Shortly after this one of the lads arrived home, and as we didnt know how to kill him 'humanely' he did something not very nice, which i wont describe. But thinking the mouse was gone, i thought no more about it.

Later that evening, the guy was telling the story to one of the other guys we lived with, who rushed out to see! He proceeded to chase me around the house, with what i thought was the dead mouse. I ran up the stairs, locked myself in my bedroom and wouldnt let anybody in!

My boyfriend finally persuaded me to open the door, and found me in tears. He was livid with anger, and went downstairs for some serious ass kicking! ie. the lads didnt realise i had such a fear, well lets just say that now they do!

But the worst part is this, the guy had been chasing me with an empty jam jar, and i didnt even know it! i thought the mouse was in it, but i was in such a hurry to get away i didnt look properly!

Needless to say the guys were apologising profusely for a long time after it! I forgave them, because they knew that what they had done was cruel, and i knew they wouldnt do it again!

Maybe now that you know someone with a similar story it will help you to decide whether to forgive this guy or not. My advice is to forgive him, but if he ever pulls a stunt like that again, then let that be the end of it!

Take care, Shazza

shazza1

BolBill wrote:

I reckon you're so worried about it because you actually like him.

i can honestly say I DEFINATLY dont like him. Im so worried about it cos the house was full and i thought i acted like a little kid. Didnt want them all laughing more at me.
He has kissed me on several occasions in front of both our parents because he knows that they'll laugh at me never at him.
I felt that he went too far with te mouse thing as im also like shazza(above) remember beind chased with a dead mouse until i collasped, hence why im now so afraid of them.
Thanks for all the replies guys.
S.

[Jackass]

logic1 wrote:

Sounds like you want to sleep with him.

.logic.

LoL, i love it when these stupid comments are thrown in2 the middle of a serious thread and goes un-noticed/ignored....:D

Anywhoooo, fu<k him, he's a twat, wouldn't make any effort avoiding him, wouldn't waist my time worrying about it, if you happen to be in his company again, let him breeze off your a$$, after something like that, i tend to no longer acknowledge their existence wheter im in there pressence or not...and if it makes other people uncomfortable, that's their problem, not yours, because it's fully justified, and you should never feel uncomfortable around him again...if you do, just ask yourself "Do i really give a smelly poo what this gob$hite thinks?"

shazza1

DubGuy22 wrote:

LoL, i love it when these stupid comments are thrown in2 the middle of a serious thread and goes un-noticed/ignored....:D

Anywhoooo, fu<k him, he's a twat, wouldn't make any effort avoiding him, wouldn't waist my time worrying about it, if you happen to be in his company again, let him breeze off your a$$, after something like that, i tend to no longer acknowledge their existence wheter im in there pressence or not...and if it makes other people uncomfortable, that's their problem, not yours, because it's fully justified, and you should never feel uncomfortable around him again...if you do, just ask yourself "Do i really give a smelly poo what this gob$hite thinks?"

Too true i suppose. Thnx.

Victor

shazza1 wrote:

He has kissed me on several occasions in front of both our parents because he knows that they'll laugh at me never at him.

Knee - sharp upward thrust - testicles. If you don't want to be intimate, you don't have to be, certainly not for other peoples amusement.

shazza1

mercury_tilt wrote:

Now.. I am resisting the temptation to link you to a pic of a few hundred mice crawling all over someone I have by pretending it to a site that helps with phobias......
Get thee away from me Satan!!!!!

Thanks mercury!

the_syco

Tell your mum that your never going back to that house.

Tell her you hate Paul, and have always hated him.

Ask her how she thought it was funny that you were terrified by the little f*cker.

Ask her why she didn't stand up for you, when you fled in terror.

Tell her that her mates aren't going to be your mates, and that your never going back there again.

mayordenis

he sounds like a ****in prick to be honest, you're right not to want anthing to do with him.

shazza1

ok update:
Linda (pauls mum) texted me last last night saying something along the lines of her not coming over to our house anymore because I fell out with HER. texted her back and said 'i didnt fall out with you. you didnt throw the trap'
and she sent back 'pet if ya fall out with poor paul you might as well fall out with me'
i just got pi$$ed off then and replied 'i was never friends with paul 2 fall out with him in the first place and i will like fu(k go to your house for everyone elses entertainment.
I dont see why shes like that, its like he was totally in the right to do that as my mums still saying forget about it...... he didnt mean it ......hes sorry.... blah blah blah. Everyones sticking up for him and its making me feel worse.

koneko

They seriously sound like a bunch of a$$holes, it's easy to see where he gets it! Let your mam know it's not just "i'm scared", it's a phobia, and you were very hurt by the way everyone ridiculed you and it's made you feel bad.

"poor Paul"? I know she's his mother and all, but what is she on?

cajun_tiger

koneko right,
just say fine don't come over. accept that if she wants to be childish over her own sons behavour then so be it. appoligize to your mum for her friends attitude towards your choices in life and move on..

you didnt over react, he was out of line.

shazza1

i dont see why it should change things for my mum/his mum. they were/are mates and it FEELS like both of them are trying to make me feel worse over it. i know my mum was in lindas last night and linda sent message after my mum had come home? the only one i feel understands here is my dad. my mum didnt seem best pleased when i told him either.

Beruthiel

shazza1 wrote:

i dont see why it should change things for my mum/his mum. they were/are mates

it shouldn't make any difference whatsoever if they act like grownups

pickarooney

Is there anyone over the age of 11 involved in this story?

FWIW, Paul is genuinely sorry as he's always had the hots for you, but he's mostly sorry that you don't like him.

silly

is he sorry he's an ass though cos by the sounds of it, he's an ass, so is his mom

cajun_tiger

shazza1 wrote:

i dont see why it should change things for my mum/his mum. they were/are mates and it FEELS like both of them are trying to make me feel worse over it. i know my mum was in lindas last night and linda sent message after my mum had come home? the only one i feel understands here is my dad. my mum didnt seem best pleased when i told him either.

YOU SHOULDN'T CHANGE!!simple.

tinkerbell

Sounds like both Paul and his mom are stupid heads! You weren't over-reacting, you have a phobia, and that ain't something to laugh at. Paul's just being a moron and his mother has the attitude "my poor little Paul couldn't do anything wrong". So forget about them, if his idiot of a mother texts you again, just ignore it. Don't bother going over to their house again. And your mother should be supporting YOU rather than going for the side of that twat.

The_Conductor

Well put- Tinkerbell.

Slutmonkey57b

His mother's reaction is all too predictable, but really, don't bother worrying yourself over it. Cut your ties with them, and leave it at that. Talk to the Hand!

Your mother's behaviour is what's most worrying about the whole thing. She should be able to be supportive of you without having to drop her friends altogether.

Alana

syco said it best

I agree with some of the other posters, the guy is an ass. You should not be the butt of anyones jokes, firstly i'd talk to ur parents and say how much it annoys u when they insinuate stuff about u liking him, hard but if it upsets u then id try to get it across. Plus talk to them about their reaction to ur reaction...( if u get what i mean)..seems a lil unfair

Yes he is an ass for doing that, if he knew that u didnt like mice why did he do something like that, its not fair to "have a laugh" AT someone when u kno that it is rl8d to something that scares them. Yes he is an ass for not txting u. if he was really sorry why didnt he txt u? on the ignoring front if hes a friend of ur family's it might b a bit hard, maybe try and get some distance btwn ye but it might sound childish butif you do c him be cold to him, just to let him know u aint happy, and ask him why didnt he apologise directly to you?

the stoneage man is not dead :mad:

[Jackass]

None of this is your fault!!! If he's a twat i see no reason why anyone would want/try and make you get along, especially when all he tries to do is humilliate you!! Is he so un-interesting that he needs to do this to people to get noticed or something? And his mum is an ever bigger idiot! those texts sound like something a fu*kin teenager would send! Like i said before, i would stop thinking about it, worrying about it, trying to get people to understand in both families...seems pretty fckin clear to me...you have a phobia...he made a crule joke, that made you feel upset and embarresed....and all they can do is talk to you like your being unrational!! Tell your mum he pi$$es you off....he's a twat, he always was...you dont care if your mum goes there every day for the rest of her life and they're best friends, or if she never hears from them again...But as far as your concerned, you dont know them anymore, you dont want to know them anymore, you dont want anything to do with them, thats it, its over and you dont want to hear another word about it...end of story!!! whatever she(your mum) wants to do is her business, but dont involve you...you're not interested!

goin'_to_the_PS

forget about, i'd say he didn't think you would have gotten upset about.

shazza1

The thing is my dad understand and said pretty much the same as everyone on boards...its my mum taking his side or not understanding me thats upsetting me,its like shes takingf me on a guilt trip.
i've made up my mind that im never gonna stand in his house again, but ill still babysit for his sisters or be nice to his mum if shes out at my house. basically just gonna cut all ties with that fool.
he was talking about sending flowers 2 my school according to my mum.
that would be the final straw.
s

Slutmonkey57b

Alana wrote:

syco said it best

its not fair to "have a laugh" AT someone when u kno that it is rl8d to something that scares them. Yes he is an ass for not txting u.

the stoneage man is not dead :mad:

He appears to be stretching his communication skills on the interweb however.
"w" is one extra letter. How difficult is it to stretch that finger over and press it?

[Jackass]

shazza1 wrote:

he was talking about sending flowers 2 my school according to my mum.
that would be the final straw.
s

Sounds like an obsessed stalker to me......

shazza1

DubGuy22 wrote:

Sounds like an obsessed stalker to me......

its not that.. i think hes just doin his best to embarras me take kissing me in front of parents/making me look like an idiot re:trap now saying hell send flowers.

shelly04

i dont think you over reacted. he sounds like a total gob5h1te.
Imo he was wrong not to apologise directly to you.
If his parents and your parents decide not to be friends then that is their choice its not your fault. its theirs.
i think you should keep away from paul for a while,until you calm down with him at least