Should I really feel guilty?

Panicked

This does have some parallels to this thread started by Zulu, but I think it deserves its own thread.

I've been in a significant dry patch with regard to relationships or just plain relations with women of recent. It's been over 2 years since I last did the dirty and it's been about 3 years since I was in my last real relationship. Now I am only a young fella (22), so this is a significant portion of my adult life. I would consider myself quite a social person. Many of my close friends are of the fairer sex. I have no problem talking with women, just have little success with them when it comes down to it.

I digress.. So recently my hormones really have got the better of me. I'm severely horny and the significant empty feeling in my life (ie the lack of a relationship) has grown more prevalent (you can ring me on 555-desperate ). So there was this girl in an evening class I go to who I noticed showed some mild "interest" in me, a rare occurence. Being honest I'm not really attracted to her. But as I said my hormones have got the better than me and I cannot stand being out of a relationship anymore.

So today before class I popped a couple beta-blockers (3 yrs has done some detrimental damage to my ego, bb's are used for stage fright allowing me to be myself). After class I asked her to join me for coffee. We chatted and flirted for 2 hours, I got her number and we agreed to meet up again.

So where's my dilemma?? Having confided in a friend about this he's put it into my head that I'm just going to be using her for sex. I don't want to take advantage of anyone. But I severely doubt this going to go anywhere real. Also I'm so bloody randy that the fact that I could soon be shagging this girl on a frequent basis is mostly what's on my mind and the main impetus I have for pursuing her. Then again (so far) I haven't suggested I want anything more than a couple month long fling.

Would I really be taking advantage of her? I'd much rather be in a non-serious relationship at the mo' than be a lone singleton sinking ever deeper into desperation..

nesf

In the long term you will get past the desperation stage and settle into a "I'm single because I'm picky" state of mind. As for whether its right to be with her, well do you know what she wants? If she's relationship hunting stay well away, if she's just up for some fun, then why not, but if you're just being with her to satisfy your hormones, believe me it will not work. It'll just sate them for a very short while.

BuffyBot

Would I really be taking advantage of her?

Probably

Would I really be taking advantage of her?

Maybe she's in the same boat, so, No. And if it's what you need, it's what you should do.

ven0m

If she wants you to ball the ever loving **** outta her & you wanna do it, I say where's the harm?



::: ven0mous :::

Iago

Be honest, tell her up front that all you're looking for is a short-term fling with minimal commitment. Always worked for me in the past, at least then you're being honest and you don't have to worry about feeling guilty or leading someone on.

It may well develop into something else, after all there has to be some physical attraction if you're even considering being with her, once you get involved physical attraction becomes secondary to emotional and personality attraction anyway. So having begun your "short-term fling" you may find that as a person you really like this girl and the relationship could develop from there...

or it could just be a short term fling in which case you've been honest and upfront so that's ok too

The Corinthian

Panicked wrote:

Would I really be taking advantage of her?

Probably. And your problem is what exactly..?

Peace

Using people for sex is fine.

aidan_walsh

Peace wrote:

Using people for sex is fine.

Rape laws may require you to finish that sentence with "as long as they consent".

arbeitsscheuer

...and that they are at or above the age of consent.

pickarooney

Dammit, always with the fine print and the clauses and the if/but/elses

aidan_walsh

SebtheBum wrote:

...and that they are at or above the age of consent.

Um, yeah... That too...

silly

just dont lie to her and start saying stupid things like " god i feel like i've really clicked wit u " bla bla, dont make her feel special if she's not!

simu

I wouldn't say you're taking advantage of her (once she consents to sex, of course).

Women aren't fragile little lambs that only have sex as a way of securing a relationship, ya know. Where are people getting this stuff?

ven0m

simu wrote:

I wouldn't say you're taking advantage of her (once she consents to sex, of course).

Women aren't fragile little lambs that only have sex as a way of securing a relationship, ya know. Where are people getting this stuff?

Of course not - women are like condoms.... when not on your cock, they're in your wallet


::: ven0mous :::

simu

ven0m wrote:

Of course not - women are like condoms.... when not on your cock, they're in your wallet


::: ven0mous :::

You keep used condoms in your wallet? Sweet.

silly

ven0m wrote:

Of course not - women are like condoms.... when not on your cock, they're in your wallet


::: ven0mous :::

that must be the funniest thing i've ever heard , and i'm a woman / well i prefer to refer to myself as a girl, i'm 24

ven0m

simu wrote:

You keep used condoms in your wallet? Sweet.

Hell yeah - welcome to the cheap seats where we wash & re-use our rubbers..... I like the 'broken-in' feeling - WOOHOOOO!!!!!


::: ven0mous :::

The Corinthian

simu wrote:

Where are people getting this stuff?

Cosmopolitan.

BEAT

in all honesty you should be having this conversation with her if you want to find out. Being honest is always the best policy, letting her know off the bat that your not in it for a relationship is best.
There are planty of gals who wouldnt mind a sex only relationship...as simu said,
we dont use sex as a tool for securing a relationship..we are human and have needs too

Evil Phil

Just let her know you're not into a long term thing and it will all take care of itself, regardless of what Comso says. After all your 22, you should be out sowing your wild oats not settling down. Same goes for her.

Honesty is always good, unless you a necrophilliac.

The Corinthian

Evil Phil wrote:

Honesty is always good, unless you a necrophilliac.

Or she's a fat chick.

BEAT

The Corinthian wrote:

Or she's a fat chick.

ahhh ofcourse, the fatchick remarks..I forgot wwm was banned or we would have seen that a lot sooner
:P

[Jackass]

Panicked wrote:

Would I really be taking advantage of her?

No! I don't rate this "taking advantage of me" lark girls come out with after a relationship or even a fling takes place....they know exactly what they're getting into, it's not like they are doing you a favour by having sex with you, they're getting just as much, if not more (depending on your interpretation of the female orgasim ) out of it as you....they know if a fling starts it's just sex or being fu<k buddies that may or may not lead to a relationship...and as for the whole emotional aspect they have attached to sex, like i said, they know exactly what they are getting into, if they don't want to be put in that position they shouldn't get involved, all of the above goes for fellas exactly the same....don't think she's so sweet and innocent, if she's willing to get into the sack with you she knows and cant expect that anything will nececraly come out of it!! don't deprive yourself mate!! 2 years???? Thats a long fu<king time!!! I cant believe your balls didn't over-ride all rational thinking!! Jesus man, either your balls are the size of melons by now or you could crack walnuts with those wrists!!! You'll probably blow her head off taking out all that frustration on her...if you ask me you're doing her a favour!!!!

PS what the fook are Beta Blockers?

Bottle_of_Smoke

Panicked wrote:

This does have some parallels to this thread started by Zulu, but I think it deserves its own thread.

I've been in a significant dry patch with regard to relationships or just plain relations with women of recent. It's been over 2 years since I last did the dirty and it's been about 3 years since I was in my last real relationship. Now I am only a young fella (22), so this is a significant portion of my adult life. I would consider myself quite a social person. Many of my close friends are of the fairer sex. I have no problem talking with women, just have little success with them when it comes down to it.

I digress.. So recently my hormones really have got the better of me. I'm severely horny and the significant empty feeling in my life (ie the lack of a relationship) has grown more prevalent (you can ring me on 555-desperate ). So there was this girl in an evening class I go to who I noticed showed some mild "interest" in me, a rare occurence. Being honest I'm not really attracted to her. But as I said my hormones have got the better than me and I cannot stand being out of a relationship anymore.

So today before class I popped a couple beta-blockers (3 yrs has done some detrimental damage to my ego, bb's are used for stage fright allowing me to be myself). After class I asked her to join me for coffee. We chatted and flirted for 2 hours, I got her number and we agreed to meet up again.

So where's my dilemma?? Having confided in a friend about this he's put it into my head that I'm just going to be using her for sex. I don't want to take advantage of anyone. But I severely doubt this going to go anywhere real. Also I'm so bloody randy that the fact that I could soon be shagging this girl on a frequent basis is mostly what's on my mind and the main impetus I have for pursuing her. Then again (so far) I haven't suggested I want anything more than a couple month long fling.

Would I really be taking advantage of her? I'd much rather be in a non-serious relationship at the mo' than be a lone singleton sinking ever deeper into desperation..

So much in the same situation its not even funny, well your post has made me feel better about myself :P

*straight to hell*

Victor

Panicked wrote:

Having confided in a friend about this he's put it into my head that I'm just going to be using her for sex.

Fair cop, you might be using her for sex, but that does not make you a "bad person". It takes two to tango, she may be trying to use you for a relationship.

Unless she's intoxicated when you are doing it and can't consent, you are not exploiting her.

Like the telephone at work "use not abuse".

DubGuy22 wrote:

PS what the fook are Beta Blockers?

I suspect he's using them as a sedative / downer type thing.

http://www.tmc.edu/thi/betameds.html

How do beta-blockers work?

Beta-blockers "block" the effects of adrenaline on your body's beta receptors. This slows the nerve impulses that travel through the heart. As a result, your heart does not have to work as hard because it needs less blood and oxygen. Beta-blockers also block the impulses that can cause an arrhythmia.

Slutmonkey57b

I suggest using heart medication without a prescription is more worrying than the idea you might be parking the beef bus in tuna town.

Oryx

Agree with DubGuy22. And you dont sound like someone who will just take advantage, you sound like you have a heart. Go for it, if its a fling enjoy, if you find you actually get on well with the girl, hooray!

[Jackass]

Slutmonkey57b wrote:

I suggest using heart medication without a prescription is more worrying than the idea you might be parking the beef bus in tuna town.

LOL! I like that analagy.....agreed, poping pills to block stuff and slow heart etc. gotta be bad news in the long run....would suggest a sneaky spliff or something instead to calm the nerves.

Panicked

BEAT wrote:

in all honesty you should be having this conversation with her if you want to find out

Are you actually suggesting I ask her to be my fuk-buddy?! That's not gonna happen.. There's honest and then there's stupid.

silly wrote:

just dont lie to her and start saying stupid things like " god i feel like i've really clicked wit u " bla bla, dont make her feel special if she's not!

I think that's very sound and practical advice, thanks silly.

The Corinthian wrote:

Or she's a fat chick.

Nay, butterface..

Slutmonkey57b wrote:

I suggest using heart medication without a prescription is more worrying than the idea you might be parking the beef bus in tuna town.

lmao I like that analogy too. Who says they're without a prescription? They're for stage-fright. Say I'm speaking in public, my heart goes ninety, I sweat and I stutter then clam up. These stop that happening. Musicians often use them before a performance.

DubGuy22 wrote:

would suggest a sneaky spliff or something instead to calm the nerves.

lol, nah man that'd make it worse. bb's aren't a sedative, you act normal with them. They just reduce the physical response to panic/fright. Say you popped a couple these and I snook up behind you while you were walking in a dark forest and scared you. You'd be surprised but you wouldn't jump startled out of your wits like.

btw cheers for ur point of view also dub. Makes me feel much better when I look at it that way

BuffyBot

parking the beef bus in tuna town.

lmao I like that analogy too

My god, is this primary school?

ApeXaviour

haha that's brilliant.. A simple excellently illustrating analogy!

Buffybot, quit talkin bollox. You do realise a kid would most likely not understand it. :rolleyes:

Beruthiel

lets keep it on topic kids!
B