Selfish Flatmate

I'm up to here with my selfish flatmate. She is lazy and doesn't lift a finger to help and leaves her dirty dishes etc lying around for the rest of us to pick up. The worst thing is she goes out every bloody night and comes in at 4-5 am with friends, talking loudly. I wake up and then I can't get back to sleep. It just isn't on. I told her this a while ago and she got better for a while but then last night she came in with some guy, talking loudly, slamming doors, then to take the biscuit she starts playing loud music at 5.30. I had to be up at 9. I had to restrain myself from going into her room cos I would have clawed her eyes out. I'm just sick and tired of her dictating how much sleep I get. I go to bed early on weeknights cos I'm out 8am-9pm and I need the sleep. I don't need waking up in the middle of the night. I don't think she realises we're not all dossers like her and that she's not the only one living here. Aghhhhhh. What to do?

tinkerbell

Here's a solution:

1. Wait for an evening when you know she's not out and is sleeping away.
2. Creep to the kitchen.
3. Grab some pots and pans.
4. Tip-toe to her bedroom door.
5. Sit yourself on the ground.
6. Bang the pots / pans together.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

StupidLikeAFox

move

fade2black

I like tinkerbell's plan. That's a helluva plan. Some of her own medicine is really the only way bar just talking to the girl and telling her to buck her ideas up. I nearly threw a flatmate of mine over a balcony in Spain last year..his name was Darren and he plays o.b. in that Hollyoaks. He was a loud little runt.

samo

ColHol wrote:

move

Izzywizzy or the flatmate

If there's more of you in the house and the rest agree then kick her ass out - let her go somewhere else where she can be a pain.

Other than that, if she likes you and she's not trying to annoy you then she's way out of order to keep on if you've already told her once! :mad:

SprostonGreen

Slice open her mattress, put a dead fish inside. Sow up the mattress.

She wont get much action after that, and the smell will drive her mad, she'll think the whole house stinks and will want to move out.

You have to fight fire with fire with these noisy c unts.

the_syco

Go psycho. Tell her to "SHUT THE F*CK UP!!! I'M TRING TO GET SOME F*CKING SLEEP!!!", very loudly next time she comes home late. Also remind her that you have a job.

As for the dishes, clean what you need, and leave the rest.

tom-thebox

Hire some northsiders to sort em out.

[Jackass]

Talk to her tonite and tell her she has 1 more chance to stop the fu<king noise or everytime she goes out you'll put the chain on the door and wool in your ears....and be serious about it! Don;t take this sh!t man, stand up for yourself! She was good for a while you say, but then she went back to her old ways to see how much she could get away with, total disrespect and she's taking the piss! use those exact words and tell her (if you do) you like her, but you've had enough of her noise ****, and your not putting up with 1 more night of her sh!t....give her a boll0cking, if shes not a total twat she'll know she deserves it and will apoligise!

Miguel_Sanchez

samo wrote:

If there's more of you in the house and the rest agree then kick her ass out - let her go somewhere else where she can be a pain.

This can be harder than people think. I know of an ongoing case where a guy in a house invited his friends to stay for weeks while his housemates were gone. They lived in their rooms, used all their stuff, messed the place, took things etc.

The landlord is trying to kick him out but the guy has gotten legal advice and it's taking ages to get him to move because being a bastard isn't breaking any tenancy agreement.

Some people are just selfish ****ers.

samo

Jeff_Lebowski wrote:

This can be harder than people think. I know of an ongoing case where a guy in a house invited his friends to stay for weeks while his housemates were gone. They lived in their rooms, used all their stuff, messed the place, took things etc.

The landlord is trying to kick him out but the guy has gotten legal advice and it's taking ages to get him to move because being a bastard isn't breaking any tenancy agreement.

Some people are just selfish ****ers.

Sounds like he has all angles covered - big minefield when it comes to house sharing alright, not a nice situation in that house! :mad:

Ms Beanbag

you could try ear-plugs? Boot's foam earplugs are v.good

fade2black

And what happens if an intruder breaks into the place and starts stealing her DVDs??? She won't hear a thing!

Keyzer

tom-thebox wrote:

Hire some northsiders to sort em out.

Watch it ye pr1ck...

Victor

Keyzer wrote:

Watch it ye pr1ck...

It's OK, tom-thebox is a registered and licenced Northsider, living on the correct side of the Five Lamps.

tom-thebox

Victor wrote:

It's OK, tom-thebox is a registered and licenced Northsider, living on the correct side of the Five Lamps.

Born, rared and arrested

monster_fighter

IzzyWizzy wrote:

Aghhhhhh. What to do?

You can kip in my place.

GuanYin

she's not from carlow/kilkenny/kildare by any chance? Sounds suspiciously like girls I lived with when I was in college....

sceptre

syke wrote:

she's not from carlow/kilkenny/kildare by any chance? Sounds suspiciously like girls I lived with when I was in college....

Syke, that sounds like idiot girls we /all/ lived with when we were in college. Especially the two I shared a house with in second year who liked to reheat pork and unfortunately never got ill or dead as a result.

Firesuite

It's pretty much the same in all shared accomodation I think, people aren't used to thinking of others, especially if they grew up having their Mammy following them around picking things up. It could be worse really - one of my housemates in first year liked to hold parties, flood the place on occasion and freeze random household objects

The only advice I can give is to pile up the dirty dishes and keep what you need somewhere else, eventually she'll have to wash them and will probably get the hint (speaking from experience). As for the noise thing, not much you can do there if you've already told her to keep it down, but it could be worth voicing your feelings again, because she's probably totally oblivious to what she's doing.

GuanYin

sceptre wrote:

Syke, that sounds like idiot girls we /all/ lived with when we were in college. Especially the two I shared a house with in second year who liked to reheat pork and unfortunately never got ill or dead as a result.

Nah these girls were special. As an experiment myself and my friend decided to stop eating in the house, not was or clean after them and see how bad the house got.

It was bad, they never bought household stuff and had a habit of robbing all the toilet roll into their (even though they never bought it) - crusts of eaten toast on the table (no plates) bins spilling over on the kitchen floor until they were dumped outside the back door.

The worst was when the landlord saw it all and went nuts, he said he'd call back the next day to see the place cleaned. I came back and saw everything seemingly clean. I soon discovered that they'd simly put all the dirty dishes (some of which were 2 weeks old) in the delph presses and bagged everything else into a cupboard.

I moved out the next week.

LegacyUser

I'd play therapy real loud when shes sleeping off her hangover!
The pots and pans job is a little too much ..

Miguel_Sanchez

Oooh hoovering is a good one too.

Man I hate when my girlfriend hoovers when I have a hangover.

Curse her cleanliness.

Sleepy

bubby wrote:

I'd play therapy real loud when shes sleeping off her hangover!
The pots and pans job is a little too much ..

I like your style.

seamus

I do like the idea of ironic revenge. Take a couple of days off work, and don't tell her. Get up about 9 am, play loud music while walking purposefully around the house. If she complains, turn off the music and turn on the hoover. If she complains again, tell her where to go.

No seriously, the only thing you can do afaik, is tell her to stop. It's one place where you have to be assertive. There's no point in being petty and trying to annoy her like she annoys you, you still have to live in the same house. Complain every time she does it, and quickly she'll be aware. Selfish people are like children - they don't like to be given out to.

As for the dirty dishes, well there is a sure way around it, but it requires quite a bit of effort. Buy your own stuff. Your own cup, plate, cutlery and pots and pans. Use them, clean them, and hide them in your room. Allow everything else to build up in the kitchen. Just move it out of your way.

skywalker

you could take the play loud music remedy to a new level. lock your room in the morning when your leaving for work. leaving some death metal ****e on replay at the highest volume all day.

when you return if anything is said, apologise with a big smile on your face, and mention how sorry you are to have disturbed her sleep. repeat as appropriate

pickarooney

Throw/remove the fuses next time she turns on the stereo.

irlirishkev

I had the same problem with a housemate last year.

She was messy as hell. Not just messy, but dirty (and not in a good way ).

She also did the 'coming home at 3am with friends and proceed to wake the house up' trick, on regular occasions. I often asked her to keep it down, and she would for maybe five minutes.
Problem was, she was a bit thick on top of everything else. No cop-on whatsoever, so didn't realise she was being an annoying twat.

I eventually moved out. Her painintheass-ness, combined with my wanting a place of my own was what drove me out.

Some people just don't get the message.

Kev.

galwaydude

i have the same problem at the moment.This girl im sharingthe flat with is just plain dirty, she never cleans up after herself, leaves the dinner crap on the couch, her crap is everywhere.Im sick of cleaning up after her, my other flatmate wont say anything to her as she went too college with her and they are good friends.Thank god the lease is up in may and im off out of there and moving in with my GF.By the way this girl likes to think shes posh, does my head in.so my sympathies to the original poster any anyone else who has crappy housemates.

BEAT

this sounds so much like my house mate that I had to take a double look and make sure it wasnt me that posted this doh!
seriously, same exact situation.
If I dont pick up then it doesnt get picked up...she leaves her dishes in the living room after she eats, doesnt wash clothes instead piles clothes up in the basement and buys new ones.
brings home bags from shopping and never empties them, just leaves them sit on the dining room table.
All of her xmas gifts are still on the dining room table.
I have never seen anything like it in my life!
She never cleans out the shower either...leaves empty shampoo bottle in there until there are so many you cant get in!
So basically I have to clean after her cause I cant live that way.

I let her stuff pile up for about a month then I gather it all up and throw it in her bedroom, and there it reamins scattered on the floor. She doesnt care like..just a lazy pig! dirty is the worst part.
I stay there to save moeny cause the rent is so cheap, but by the end of the yar I am outta there.

When I get fed up I simply walk in the room and say hey, its time to clean come on ..and I stand there till she gets up and I tell her what needs to be done, (mind you this is her house!!! she owns it and takes no pride in keeping it tidy at all) This is the only way it will get done if you dont do it all yourself.
SO when you are picking up mess simply wait till she is home and say, come on its time to clean the house.
Remind her as many times as it takes that she needs to be quieter at night when you are sleeping...I have said it before and I still say it, you just have to keep reminding these type of people...stay on them
otherwise they will walk all over you.

I must say that after 2 years of living this way I think I am ready for marriage and kids, lol its like picking up after a lazy husband and ungratefull children!!

pickarooney

What would these people do if the house was on fire? FFS...

BEAT wrote:

I must say that after 2 years of living this way I think I am ready for marriage and kids, lol its like picking up after a lazy husband and ungratefull children!!

Interesting way to post a personal ad

BEAT

pickarooney wrote:

What would these people do if the house was on fire? FFS...


Interesting way to post a personal ad

shhh you

hehe, ya I wonder if she would even notice the house on fire....sitting there almost commatose on the couch day after day..there is a indentation from where she sits, lol!
to be clear...I do not sit or eat there...If I am home I am in my bedroom or in the guest room on the PC...and no I dont wash her clothes for her, thats the one thing I havnt done and dont think I will do They continue to pile up in the basement...yes there are clothes that have been on that floor for 2 whole years!!! :eek:
scary isnt it.

I keep a spray bottle in the kitchen and bathroom full of bleach, I wash everything down with bleach everytime I cook, shower or go to the bathroom.
I guess I dont mind cleaning so much, I always feel good after I have cleaned...almost cleansing for the soul really everything looks shiny and clean and fresh...*sigh*
I love a clean house, I cant wait to get back out on my own so its always clean,
there is nothing like coming home from a long day at work and walking into your house and seeing everything in order and a pleasant fragrance in the air.

irlirishkev

BEAT wrote:

there is nothing like coming home from a long day at work and walking into your house and seeing everything in order and a pleasant fragrance in the air.

I couldn't agree more.
I live on my own now, in my own place. And every day, I thank my lucky stars for the fact that I don't have to share with messy baxtards anymore. Like you say.. I come home from work, and everything is as it should be..

Sheer heaven..

Kev.

seamus

BEAT wrote:

there is nothing like coming home from a long day at work and walking into your house and seeing everything in order and a pleasant fragrance in the air.

I'll agree on that. I get apathetic though because there's nothing worse than spending an evening cleaning, getting up to a clean house, then arriving home from work to find cups everywhere, discarded wrappers on the counters, bags/shoes/clothes strewn about, and a smoker sitting watching telly in the clothes he slept in at 6 in the evening. Completely eliminates your will to clean.

BEAT

seamus wrote:

I'll agree on that. I get apathetic though because there's nothing worse than spending an evening cleaning, getting up to a clean house, then arriving home from work to find cups everywhere, discarded wrappers on the counters, bags/shoes/clothes strewn about, and a smoker sitting watching telly in the clothes he slept in at 6 in the evening. Completely eliminates your will to clean.

I agree, did I mention she is also a smoker and I am not, so looks like I have your flamates twin lol
geesh, there are more people out there like her than I realised! I never saw people live that way before, I thought she was just really depressed but seeing how many other people live with this same type of creature makes me realise people are just lazy and there is no other explanation needed.

catspring

seamus wrote:

there's nothing worse than spending an evening cleaning, getting up to a clean house, then arriving home from work to find cups everywhere, discarded wrappers on the counters, bags/shoes/clothes strewn about.

i know how this feels and it's a complete pain in the arse. makes you wonder why you bother...

to the original poster, talk to her, and tell her how out of order she is being. explain that this is a very selfish way to behave and how would she like it if you were noisy all the time, and inconsiderate.

the_syco

Original poster; become a goth. Play depressing music, and talk to her about death. She may be freaked out enough to move.

=-=

BEAT; Goto Daft.ie. Its an excellent site for finding a house to share or rent.

=-=

Its almost laughable the amount of fools here that will allow people to walk over them. Either correct the situation, or move out.

Home is where the hearth is, not the dreaded pile of dirt and grime!

Fatal_Bert

boot 'um

seamus

the_syco wrote:

Its almost laughable the amount of fools here that will allow people to walk over them. Either correct the situation, or move out.

Well, in my case, it doesn't bother me *that* much, and he is out of the house a lot of the time. Plus it's my brother's house, and I've cheap rent, so if anyone *has* to move out, it'd be him, not me.

ionapaul

I have avoided anyone as messy as those described above - one thing I always do when either interviewing potential flatmates or being interviewed myself is come straight out and say 'I am extremely clean and can't handle unwashed dishes for more than 24 hours' - don't care if it makes me look anal about cleaning, it is the truth, I cannot deal with messiness or unwashed dishes. I will go far as to say I am extremely judgemental about this sort of thing and really look down on dirty pigs like those described above!

I have revealed my greatest weakness - unwashed dishes are my Kryptonite!

Slutmonkey57b

Is it just me or are smokers always messier than non-smokers?

simu

sceptre wrote:

Syke, that sounds like idiot girls we /all/ lived with when we were in college. Especially the two I shared a house with in second year who liked to reheat pork and unfortunately never got ill or dead as a result.

Um... I though it was ok to reheat pork once?
:eek:

As for the messy flatmate, the easiest answer is to move out.

the_syco

Slutmonkey57b wrote:

Is it just me or are smokers always messier than non-smokers?

Its just you.

I've lived with smokers, and we had a cleaning roster, that we more or less stuck by, and we washed our dishes.

I've lived with a group of mixed (smokers & non-smokers), and the non-smokers did sh|t all.

iguana

My friend used to live with a nice but extremely spoilt and unwittingly selfish guy. After months of putting up with doing his housework she tried the dont do it anymore and see how he likes it approach. After a couple of weeks of that going nowhere she got all the dirty dishes and put them in his bed. When he saw it nobody said anything, he just left the dishes back in the kitchen and went out but he came home that night cleaned the whole place up and after that they all agreed on a rota, which they stuck to.
If you think she is just being thoughtless try something like that, but if nothing you do is working you should either ask her to leave or move yourself.
I had a hellish flatmate 2 years ago, who went to work for 2 days of the 8 months we lived together.
He almost never left the apartment as he had no job or friends in dublin (and when he did he always came back loudly at 5am with friends who he had invited to stay in our livingroom until whenever they felt like leaving). :mad:
He spent nearly every waking hour (4pm-6am) on the internet, often looking at porn in the shared livingroom, never cleaned up after himself, once removed the cables connecting the tv to the video when i had the video set for buffy (my boyfriend caught him and fixed it, saving his life). :eek:
He had to be yelled at for months to pay his share of the bills (he still owes us about 200quid but it's worth it to never see him).
He was the main source of arguments for me and my boyfriend as we initially took our frustrations out on each other instead of him.
He wouldn't throw out ANYTHING, he washed and kept used tinfoil, breadwrappers, a pile of used matches on the kitchen counter. I fully support not throwing things away if you can find a new use for them but what use has anyone for 15,000 old bread wrappers piled on the grill, on the draining board and under the sink?
Weirdest, he always used to sneak to the kitchen to turn of the heating off 5 minutes after we turned it on, and sneak out to switch it back on as soon as we started wondering why the radiators hadn't heated up. We called the landlord about the heating needing to be fixed so many times until i caught him.
I could go on. I regularily do. I heartily apologise for this rant. It's 20 months since i last had to live with him but all I have to do is scratch the surface.
We tried to reason with him, tried to do unto him as he had done to us, we scolded, we yelled, I cried. Eventually we moved. I don't know if I've ever made a better decision in my life. It's not an easy choice to make, but you have to be comfortable in your home. When you finish work at night you need to have somewhere comfortable to return to and relax. You need to be allowed to sleep. It's not the easy or nice choice to make, but if nothing else is working move her or move yourself.

embee

A friend of my sisters had a similar situation when she was in college. She got so fed up with reasoning with the girl, then fighting with her, then leaving her stuff. Nothing was sinking in. In the end, she tucked two fish fingers into the lining of her curtains and stuffed some prawns behind the radiator. Then cranked up the heating. The girl never did find out why her room stank of rotting fish, and she moved out about two weeks later.

The downside to this was it took ages for them to let the room out, as the stench was a touch lingering.