dublin

stu_69

probably been posted before but this is a classic.

>Subject: Dublin
>
>A Corkonian thesis from a UCC final year project which received a 1.1
>
>Dublin was founded in the 8th century by the Vikings, when they realised
>that the best way to cause lasting damage to the country was to build what
>leading Viking at the time, Hagyar Ringsend, termed "A ****hole for the
ages".
>This statement was proved true over time.
>Luckily for the rest of Ireland, Dublin is located on the east coast.
>This means that the prevailing south westerly wind generally takes the
>smell across the Irish Sea to Britain. In the 1950's Britain retaliated by
>building Sellafield nuclear power station.
>The Irish Sea is now one of the cleanest in the world, the
> radiation from England and the filthy pus and bile from Dublin nullifying
>each other.
>It is a pity for us all that Dublin is not located 50 miles further east.
>However, many "Dubs", or "Gob****es" as they are known to the rest of us,
>would go even further!
>This is because Dublin is all that remains of what was once called "West
>Britain". Dublin people share many characteristics with the English people,
>including an amazingly low alcohol tolerance, ridiculous accents and the
>ability to get into a barroom brawl with Mahatma Ghandi and Mother Teresa.
>Indeed, many young Englishmen come to Dublin for "stag
>nights"- not for the nightlife, but because all of the sluts there are
>falling over themselves to be impregnated by anything with a foreign accent
>in order to claim "choil'benefih'", or "children's' allowance" as it is
>called in the civilized world. But beware! Dublin beer is much more
>expensive than ordinary beer.This is because it is watered down with
>expensive mineral water. You see, due to Dublin being a pox ridden eyesore
>which leaks revolting pus into our beautiful land, they have no clean
>tapwater. In fact, 86% of Dubliners don't even know what a tap is
>(the other 14% knew that it had something to do with beer).
>As a result, the beer is watered down with mineral water, as I said, and
>now the average Gob****e must fork out well over the odds for a pint.
>But don't let this put you off visiting cosmopolitan Dublin, where absolute
>knackers mix freely with some of the world's snobbiest *******s.
>Let the heroin, car theft, annoying whinger *******s,
>syphilis infested prostitutes and Europe's crappest traffic system put you
>off going there instead. Exits are by road, air and sea only, and are
>usually quite busy, so be patient.
>VISIT CORK. For information on Cork, please contact the
>tourist
> board on 021 343434. It's worth it.
>
>
>
>Ah Dublin! Capital of Ireland. Europe's smallest capital and also its
>smelliest. Step off a train at Heuston or Connolly station and breathe in
>that unmistakable aroma of **** and puke.
>But it's the people of Dublin who make our capital city whatb it is. We
>call them 'Jacks' because of a visit to Dublin by Queen Victoria which saw
>the locals line O'Connell Street while waving union jacks at their visitor.
>Ask anyone with even half a brain how many counties there are in Ireland
>and they will tell you 32.
>But not our friends in Dublin. For some bizarre reason they firmly believe
>there are only two:
>
>1)"Dooblin"and
>
>2)"dowen da coontry".
>
>Next time you're in Dublin, check out the excellent selection of Radio
>Stations, both of which play the same five songs all day.
>Whether it's 98fm or 104fm, tune in at any time of the day to hear Robbie
>Williams and The Lighthouse Family. You'll never get tired of it!!!
>
>
>Anyway, here are the ten most asked questions about Dubs.
>
>Why do Dublin people **** in the streets instead of a toilet?
>
>Why do they refer to all other Irish people as Sheep Shaggers when we all
>know damn well what they're doing with those horses.
>A man from Ballyfermot (probably called Anto) recently got divorced from
>his cousin so he could marry his horse.
>
>Why is their knowledge of Irish geography restricted to "da nart soide and
>da sout soide"?
>
>Why does their knowledge of Irish history go all the way back to the 1980's?
>
>Why do they complain about "doze bleedin' **** coming over here taking
>ere women and ere jobs" when Paul McGrath is "yer only man" and "God Bless
>Phillo"?
>
>What the **** language are they speaking?
>
>Why is hurling a culchie game until Dublin win a match when it suddenly
>becomes"Hooorlin',da fastest field sport in da bleedin' wooorld".?
>
>Why can't they go for a drink without trying to stab each
>other afterwards?
>
>Why can't they accept Aslan are never going to make it 'cause they're ****e?
>
>Why are they all still wearing track-suits?
>
>

NakedBibleReadingMan

boo! hiss! get 'im!

Lump

LOL, I like it


John

Venom

">Why can't they go for a drink without trying to stab each other afterwards? "

That's Limerick.

SantaHoe

A Corkonian thesis from a UCC final year project which received a 1.1

---

Is that all people learn at UCC?
Module 1: Drink yourself stupid.
Module 2: Slag off the more sophisticated Dublin folk.
Module 3: Slap each others cheeks and necks until they're nice and red.
Module 4: Introduction to the 'fiddle'.

quote:

---

">Why can't they go for a drink without trying to stab each other afterwards? "

---

Yep, Limerick, (also Galway) and anywhere else you find pubs and people with emotional problems.

It was pretty funny though

---

- What's this now?™ -

richindub2

LOL

And i'm even from dublin...