Complementary Colours

edibility

Em, a little help on this, cause it's rather abstract: think of the "pink and yellow partners" as pills.


Complementary Colours

Pink and yellow partners
tremble in their enclosure
and tempt the contorted
to dissolve in their froth.

Nausea and strobe flashes
relapse and reliving
hybrid spectrum softens sharp acid
dimmer switches for life.

Feel the warmth grow
natural reflexes forgotten
(they won't trouble tomorrow
click clack counter consistent).

Total internal reflection,
critical angle snell would have loved,
life swings - but soft on the rebound
deceivingly destructive doppler results.

As body surrenders
mind becomes mended;
body free and easy
mind brings it down.
So choose one or the other
the colours will win-
complementary and eye catching
advertisement extreme.

name_less

it's too complicated. the sentences are overlong and the flowery words stifle the poems rhythm. it's interesting though. but it could be said with less words in a more meaningful way.

MojoMaker

Oh look, goin'_to_the_PS is back...

It's very catching, needs reading a few times but is definitely catching. From personal experience edibility?

edibility

MojoMaker: yeah, it is, something I've been able to write about only recently.

name_less: Tough, that's the way it wanted to be written. It makes more sense if you can tell what it's about, and if you can explain it to me then you can criticize it. The complicated construction and the "overlong sentences" and "flowery language" just cam withe the feelings in it.

edibility

www.Dictionary.com wrote:

3 entries found for poem.
po·em
n.

1. A verbal composition designed to convey experiences, ideas, or emotions in a vivid and imaginative way, characterized by the use of language chosen for its sound and suggestive power and by the use of literary techniques such as meter, metaphor, and rhyme.
2. A composition in verse rather than in prose.
3. A literary composition written with an intensity or beauty of language more characteristic of poetry than of prose.
4. A creation, object, or experience having beauty suggestive of poetry.

There's a clear cut definition of a poem. I see nothing about simpicity, plain english or condensation (with less words in a more meaningful way). If you want to say something isn't poetry, tell us what is? (and you never answered my original question)

MojoMaker

Name_less, sorry you can't just flame a poster and expect to get away with it!! You were asked a question in the OP's second post.

And yes, the original post is a good example of poetry, using meter and metaphor well and cleverly introducing suggestive imagery indicative of emotion and experience.

If you don't understand it you cannot possibly offer a critique in any meaningful fashion. Not all poetry can be written with the lowest common denominator in mind, a poem may be as abstract and eclectic as the poet wishes. Therein lies its beauty if you will.

name_less

flame a poster? the question about drugs? i thought it was rhetoric.

i didn't think there was good poetry. there's not really a merit system for it. poetry is too personal to be rated.

edibility

If poetry is too personal to be rated then it's too personal to be subject to defined by someone other than the person who wrote it nameless.

Mojo: thanks

(is it just me, or has one of nameless's posts gone missing?)

name_less

but i didn't define it, i criticized it

edibility

You said something along the lines off "but you can't do that, otherwise anything could be poetry" then your post disappeared, strangely.

name_less

but i wasn't defining your poem, i was just pointing out that poetry needs structure otherwise it's just words. and why do you keep saying my post is gone? i can see it right here

MojoMaker

The original post #5 was deleted, one would assume by the poster himself.

edibility

Thanks Mojo, I was wondering whether I'd gone mad or what as for you name_less, I cba replying anymore.

name_less

cba?

edibility

Couldn't
Be
Arsed

goin'_to_the_PS

name_less wrote:

it's too complicated. the sentences are overlong and the flowery words stifle the poems rhythm. it's interesting though. but it could be said with less words in a more meaningful way.

Name_less's post are constructive, it may have been a bit blunt but still, he should not be flamed if other people disagree.