Sitcom Idea

fade2black

All characters have been thought through and backgrounded etc...

Been working on a sitcom idea for ages and have some episodes written. here's a quick burst of a few scenes...to see what people may think. MOst will think it's crap because the dialogue is very....well...true...it needs to be well acted and if you're reading it you have to be acting it out in your head

Crucifix

You should probably suggest something that either Jay or Monty is doing during the conversation (putting away the shopping, eatting etc). The scene would be a few minutes long, and i think it wouldn't work so well with them just standing there bantering back and forth.

Miguel_Sanchez

Kind of hard to tell from just two scenes.

What is the premise? The scenes seem quite long with, as you said, more realisitc dialogue, rather than sitcom punchlines etc.

I couldn't imagine it playing too well in front of a live audience. Would you envisage it as being shot and shown sans laugh track?

Are these the first scenes of the first episode?

Some of the exposition seemed a tiny bit clunky between the lads.

fade2black

I wanted to through together a rough example of what the atmosphere of the piece would be like so I wrote initial segment in a few minutes. The plan is to write it with a friend of mine and actually take it seriously, to the point of approaching some execs with it. Without a doubt this initial scene is rough and as they say, a helluva lot of writing is done in the rewriting.
There really is not much of a premise either, we have our characters and their backgrounds (which I didnt when I wrote that initial piece) so we're just going to let them live. It's not going to be an irish friends or really an Irish anything. When I write I like to keep it as non-descript as possible so the reader can create their own environment in their head. For example, we know Seinfeld is based in New York but the main settings i.e the Restaurant, apartment, night club could really be anywhere. Graham Linehan speaking on his father ted commentary made a lot of references to Seinfeld and how much he loves the show. Most sitcoms are a homage to some other that came before. Honestly, I would like to write a seinfeld like comedy with Irish characters.
I probably did myself an injustice by posting it so early but I do have a lot of confidence that when completed it could have a real chance of being made. This is not cockyness or idiotic optimism, I'll call it hopeful realism instead.
In answer to your other questions: I haven't thought much about the playing of it but I appreciate the question because it acknowledges the legitimacy of it.
With a lot of rewriting still to go, I had intended these to be the first scenes that introduced the characters. When the pilot is finished these scenes may no longer exist but for now I think they set up the character's traits adequately.
My personal opinion is that to complete something like this you need a lot of patience apart from a writing ability and some grasp of humour. (I always thought that I would like to be a comedian, people laugh when I say this but it's for the wrong reasons..when I write I feel that it provides a good outlet for something that I do believe is in me...Im funny God damn it!!)

No but seriously, thanks for the input, I am being realistic about this and I do know that you'd be very quick to say that it was useless and to consider a career change if it was....but i also know it's gonna take a lot of work.

tombanana

I have just seen this now,

I think if you can come up with good ideas for individual episodes in a broad sense and then break it down into scenes you could do something good, I think you're good at writing realistic dialogue; it's fluid and if you imagine people talking it then it goes back and forth very well, like the conversations in Seinfeld. You can write, so I would say get to work and come up with some good ideas. Interested to see how this goes, pm me anymore stuff you do.