Issues With Trust

VirtualNemesis

Ive been with my girlfriend for a while now. we are pretty serious. but lately imhaving issues with trust. Im over thinking everything she sayes and does(with me and with her friends)we went out together for the first time in ages together because i work weekends sometimes and we went toa club in town.now she is a very attractive girl everytime i went away for drink or the toliet i came back and lad around her. i never noticed this before. then i stayed in her place on saturday night while she went out with her mates. the next day she was talking to her friends about the guys that were there and that they were all ugly. now is it just me. whats the best way to calm down about my trust issues????

logic1

Work on your low sense of self esteem.

.logic.

MojoMaker

Logic's right I'm afraid OP.

VirtualNemesis

Whats logic do you mean?

newgrange

She's with you. She's with you because she wants to be. She's with you because she likes you.
Accept that. Please don't start thinking up reasons why you think she wants other guys instead of you.
She's with you.
She's with you.

VirtualNemesis

you could be right.thanks

VirtualNemesis

you could be right. but im still not sure

dudara

You say she's attractive, men are around her, yet she thinks they're ugly. Why, because she's going out with you. You have to trust in that.

seamus

VirtualNemesis wrote:

you could be right. but im still not sure

Yep, that's low self esteem alright.

The only way to tackle low self esteem, is to confront it. Think of what makes you insecure. Think of the things that make you think that your girlfriend isn't committed. Then consider if you actually care about these things, or you worry about them because other people care.

For example, you may be overweight. You don't like being overweight, so you do actually care about it. This means you can do something about it, to make you feel better about yourself.
On the other hand, you may dress like a rocker. Some people will give you funny looks, other may make comments. But you like the way you dress. So you need to realise that that's you. This is something that you like about yourself, but some other people don't. So who cares? You don't think everyone's going to like everything about you, do you? As said, your girlfriend is with you because of who *you* are. If she didn't like the things you think she doesn't like, she wouldn't be with you.

ether

Trust is an important issue alright, its something thats built up over time, if shes trusts in you why not trust her. You can't keep thinking 'what if', don't revolve everything around her, do your own thing, be independent but still do stuff together.

nobodythere

Trust does build up as you get to know one another..... thing is that building trust is like building a building... The bigger it gets the harder it can fall.... you need strong foundations and need to be able to trust her at a very early stage.

If she's complaining to her friends that all the guys there were ugly, does that not imply that she was on the lookout

b3t4

VirtualNemesis wrote:

she was talking to her friends about the guys that were there and that they were all ugly

By any change are any of her friends single?? If so, one take on this, would be that she was making conversation about their night out with them. Possibly one of them didn't score and this was a, well none of them were good looking, anyways, talk. Also it could be because she is human and it's only human to have a look at the menu just as long as she dines at home, if you get me. Do you notice other women when you are out?? If you don't then I'd recommend a trip to the opticians as you could potentially need glasses

whats the best way to calm down about my trust issues????

Realise that if you don't, you risk loosing her.

It sounds like she is being very open about everything with you and around you (the talking to her friends) so I'd read that as you having nothing to worry about.

A.

seamus

grasshopa wrote:

If she's complaining to her friends that all the guys there were ugly, does that not imply that she was on the lookout

Not necessarily, we don't have anything in context. Maybe one of her mates said "Jesus, all the guys in there were ugly last night", and she agreed, or maybe it was an off-the-cuff remark. I know I'll say "Jaysus there was some gorgeous ladies out last night", even though I'm not on the lookout.

Another problem with self-esteem is realising, that yes, your girlfriend does check out other guys the same way you check out other girls, and you have to learn to not feel htreatened by it. I've taken quite a karmic outlook on life in recent years. I do trust my better half, beyond doubt, but if she does go off with someone else, then it wasn't meant to be. Sure I'd be devastated, but I couldn't function properly if I was constantly worrying about keeping her (and I have in the past).

Beruthiel

grasshopa wrote:

If she's complaining to her friends that all the guys there were ugly, does that not imply that she was on the lookout

no it doesn't, especially if her friends are single, and why wouldn't she join in the conversation if she was out with them, she's not blind - just because you look at the menu doesn't mean you have to order anything.
also
if she is comfortable enough to discuss this in front of her b/f , it would suggest to me that she has nothing to hide and therefore he has no reason not to trust her

VirtualNemesis

I over hear her with her friends when we are sitting in the sitting room.talking about the guy she went up to and he backed off. that freaked me out

Kell

VirtualNemesis wrote:

I over hear her with her friends when we are sitting in the sitting room.talking about the guy she went up to and he backed off. that freaked me out

Hmmn. Clarify. Did a friend of your missus approach a bloke or did you missus approach said bloke?

I might be old fashioned, but if I am going out with someone I dont feel the necessity to cruise on over to a couple of girls to make small talk, save of course if I am introduced to new people.

Maybe she is checking out whats out there at the moment until someone better than you comes along? Who knows?

K-

VirtualNemesis

she went over to a bloke it seems.

but other guys are not old fashioned like you

seamus

Perhaps she's one of these girls who squeezes free drinks out of guys. I wouldn't approve, but it would mean she's not looking for another guy.

If that's exactly what you heard, then there's no point in asking us. Confront her and ask her about it. And for God's sake don't let her give out to you for listening in on her conversation!

Victor

VirtualNemesis wrote:

the next day she was talking to her friends about the guys that were there and that they were all ugly.

Superficial cows.

[Jackass]

man, the bottom line is don't worry about it...if you're being paranoid then you just need to move past it and realise it's ok for your g/f to chat to other guys and approah/be approached by guys when she's out, as long as she's happy with you nothing would ever happen from it, girls aren't as fickle as guys in that regard (thank chr!st), if your not being paranoind then maybe she is starting to look at other guys and begining to decide she dosen't want to be with you anymore, if that's the case, as difficult as it may be, you have to accept it, and realise there's no point in investing so much emotion into a lost cause.
The worst thing you could do is accuse her of doing whatever you think it is she's doing, or challange her about...thats a sure fire way of driving her away....my advice for you would be to have a "chat" with her the next time you've got quite time together and know you wont be interrupted....tell her how you feel, ask her for her opinion/ re-assurances, girls appreciate it when guys open up about there "feelings", and this conversation (done in a tact-full and non-confrontational way) will let you know exactly whats going on in her head....it'll either bring you even closer or help you realise you're waisting your time!
Good luck mate

Duckjob

go with DubGuy, sound advice.

VirtualNemesis

Wel just finished with her today. i caught her with someone else last night. dont trust women!!!

calis

whats the worst that wud happen??? she will leave u for another guy .. sad i know .. but u aint gona die from it!!!

nobodythere

Bah, ****ing bitches the lotta them. Well not the lotta them.... but it's like it's in the blood of some of them to betray you. It applies as much to lads though so I can't make it a female-thing..... let's just say it's a case of righteous indignation towards the general female population.

Sorry about your gf

MojoMaker

VirtualNemesis wrote:

Wel just finished with her today. i caught her with someone else last night. dont trust women!!!

You were in fine voice at the start of this thread, on something less than substantial, but along comes something real and very substantial (catching her cheating) and all you can do is pass it off in a one-liner?

Did it really happen?

[Jackass]

VirtualNemesis wrote:

Wel just finished with her today. i caught her with someone else last night. dont trust women!!!

Sh!t, sorry to hear that mate...well at least you know now, and you don't have to worry about it....look at it this way, you're no longer goin out with a two faced b!tch who didn't even have the decencey to end it with you as pain free as possible when she had the chance....now some other twat is gonna have to put up with that!! You're better off man, just remember you're no longer waisting your time with that...and you can spend that time looking for someone you deserve...better than that slut!

cajun_tiger

grasshopa wrote:

Bah, ****ing bitches the lotta them. Well not the lotta them.... but it's like it's in the blood of some of them to betray you. It applies as much to lads though so I can't make it a female-thing..... let's just say it's a case of righteous indignation towards the general female population.

Sorry about your gf

well in my book men are as bad as women.
tbh, i seen both cheating. i've been cheated on and as a result don't trust men so keep moast of my realationships open.!! no hurt!!