Telling parents about boyfriend!

Winnie

normally i wouldnt have a problem telling my family about a new boyfriend but this is a bit different!! he is 15 years older than me, is seperated from his wife and has two kids. but we love each other madly and dont want to be hiding as we are not doing anything wrong......but scared sh**less about having to tell parents ....any advice!!!

Crucifix

What age are you?

Gilgamesh

are you 12? then I would say your parents migh have a problem.
going from what (how) you write, I woudl tip you are under 18.

Beruthiel

treat it the same as you would with any other boyfriend and carry on as normal. No need to bombard them with info, if they ask questions afterwards, answer them. If you make a big deal of it so will they.

Spalk0

I think your age is a big afctor here on how they would react!

Ok, your 25 correct?

I can imagine them being uneasy about it for a while but you are both adults and they will eventually have to except it!
As Beruthiel said, dont jump out with all the details, if they ask, tell them but otherwise dont straight out!

cajun_tiger

Winnie wrote:

im 25 and he is 40. and things are great with us now when we see each other but its not enough and dont like having to hide from everyone. adn moving onto to someone else is easier said than done at the mo!

from her other post

Winnie

yeh so then you know the story. thing is they know abot him already as a good friend so cant exactly hide the details about him!!

Winnie

Gilgamesh wrote:

are you 12? then I would say your parents migh have a problem.
going from what (how) you write, I woudl tip you are under 18.

thanks for your helpful advice!!!

Phil_321

Gilgamesh wrote:

are you 12? then I would say your parents migh have a problem.
going from what (how) you write, I woudl tip you are under 18.

going from what (how) you write, I woudl tip you are borderline mentally retarded.

meditraitor

Your parents are not going to be happy,, You asking advise here is proof of that, subconciously you know they are not going to be cool, but if you are really set on having a future with this guy it should gat easy with time so get it out in the open and give it some time.. Good luck

seamus

Winnie wrote:

yeh so then you know the story. thing is they know abot him already as a good friend so cant exactly hide the details about him!!

If they're cool with him as a friend, and they get on with him, then I don't think it will be much of an issue. Parents aren't stupid. They know as well as anyone, that good mates of different sex can easily end up together. If they knew about him before, they would have already been suspicious of him "sniffing around", and wouldn't like him.

Beruthiel

Phil_321 wrote:

going from what (how) you write, I woudl tip you are borderline mentally retarded.

might I suggest that yourself and Gilgamesh read this forums Charter

unhelpful comments are not welcome
B

cajun_tiger

seamus wrote:

If they're cool with him as a friend, and they get on with him, then I don't think it will be much of an issue. Parents aren't stupid. They know as well as anyone, that good mates of different sex can easily end up together. If they knew about him before, they would have already been suspicious of him "sniffing around", and wouldn't like him.

this is very true

mayordenis

you are old enough to not have to care what your parents think as long as they still treat you like their daughter and it doesnt actually harm your relationship with them then really dont worry about it.

Phil_321

Sorry bout that

Gilgamesh

Winnie wrote:

thanks for your helpful advice!!!

Sorry, was one of those monday morning, no brainer responses.
Didn't know your age.
imo, if worth anything at this point, I don't think that age should make any difference in a relationship, if you love this person, and you know he loves you, then why should other peoples opinions matter?.
I mean, it might take them time to get used to it, but hey, they aren't going out with him.
If I would have gone with other peoples opinions all the time, I think I would have either gone mad, or would be a wreck at this stage.

sorry for my last post,

Gilgamesh

Beruthiel wrote:

might I suggest that yourself and Gilgamesh read this forums Charter

unhelpful comments are not welcome
B

Sorry Ber

Winnie

yeh i know you are all right, just one of them things you hate having to go through!!

cajun_tiger

all i have to say is i'm really happy you both have taken the next step.. just remember its your life may your parents like your choice or not. they will just have to get on with it and over it... best of luck anyways

Winnie

cajun_tiger wrote:

all i have to say is i'm really happy you both have taken the next step.. just remember its your life may your parents like your choice or not. they will just have to get on with it and over it... best of luck anyways

thank you, ill let you know how i get on!! eek!

LegacyUser

At 25 you're definitely old enough to make these decisions without giving a damn about what your parents think.

mad m

Well whatever happens parents only want the best for there kids as they probably still think you are a kid,just something a parent is cursed with im afraid.If you tell them in long run they will only see in there eyes(and want to protect you),that he is seperated and has a wife and two kids and probably not what you see in him.

Maybe in time they will see what you see...

goodluck

Tiriel

agree with mad m.. it is about the person and not a social stigma. Times are changing now too though, it is much less of a taboo to be seeing a divorced or separated man now than it would have been even 10 years ago.

though a lot of readers say you're 25 and old enough to do what you like, your parents will respect you a lot more for taking them into consideration than taking an independent standpoint. Be an adult with them and let them know he makes you happy.. it will of course be something that might take time for them to get used to.. and as mad m said.. they only want to protect you..

good luck x

Nuttzz

Winnie wrote:

......but scared sh**less about having to tell parents ....any advice!!!

why do you have to tell them anything? at 25 what business is it of theirs who you go out with?

Lets be honest they are going to be best please about you "wasting" your life with an older man, they want their little princess to marry a nice handsome chap not some "dirty old man"

A friend of mine (34) met her (22) parents and she got so much pressure from them that they split weeks later

cajun_tiger

i think it could be a respect thing?? that she doesn't want her parents to dislike her choice. i can understand that theres alot i can't tell my parents because of how they react to certain problems

Spalk0

Nuttzz wrote:

A friend of mine (34) met her (22) parents and she got so much pressure from them that they split weeks later

Yes but despite that, she is an adult and should make her own decisions and not have others affect them just because they disapprove!

Telling them is the better thing to do if she feels this strongly about it, it'll work out better in the long run than if she hid it from them!

Winnie

cajun_tiger wrote:

i think it could be a respect thing?? that she doesn't want her parents to dislike her choice. i can understand that theres alot i can't tell my parents because of how they react to certain problems

yes it definitley is a respect thing as i do respect them alot and we are a close family who get on really well so i guess i just dont want to rock the boat too much adn upset people i love. but i know i must take that risk for my own happiness.

cajun_tiger

they probably feel the same way you know.. so if they do have any nagging feelings i hope they will put it aside for your happiness .. again good luck big hugs

Cactus Col

Well, you could leave it a while before you tell them, I could be wrong, but I think you and your boyfriend have only decided to make a go of it recently, why not give it a month or so to make sure things are working properly between you two.

Then, once your fairly sure you guys can make a proper go of it, then fill in the parents.

Nuttzz

Trigger! wrote:

Yes but despite that, she is an adult and should make her own decisions and not have others affect them just because they disapprove!

Telling them is the better thing to do if she feels this strongly about it, it'll work out better in the long run than if she hid it from them!

I agree, but my friends ex lived at home and went out of their way to hassle her, not giving messages, snide remarks, inviting friends sons around to fix things and comming out with comments about he is so much more suitable, talking about the shame that their daughter was with a married man (he was sperated) etc etc

I dont understand the urgent need to tell parents who your going out with, my parents have only met 2 of my girlfriends, its none of their business who I'm with.

I'd leave it if I was in such a position, What is to be gained by telling them?

Spalk0

Nuttzz wrote:

I agree, but my friends ex lived at home and went out of their way to hassle her, not giving messages, snide remarks, inviting friends sons around to fix things and comming out with comments about he is so much more suitable, talking about the shame that their daughter was with a married man (he was sperated) etc etc

I dont understand the urgent need to tell parents who your going out with, my parents have only met 2 of my girlfriends, its none of their business who I'm with.

I'd leave it if I was in such a position, What is to be gained by telling them?

Ok i can get how it would be harder allright living with the parents!

And true ive only told my parents about one of the girlfriends i have had because the rest didnt last that long!

Tis up to the thread starters gut instinct on how to best to deal with the parents!

cajun_tiger

ok reason 1 why she wants to tell her parents(past thread)

Winnie wrote:

well we have been having some kind of relationship for the last year. he comes down to see me nearly every week for about 2 days or so, so we know each other pretty well.

reason two is she has or seems to have a very strong relationship with her parents and doesn't want to ruin it. she post here to get some back up and suport...(this is all in my head correct me if i'm wrong)

Winnie

i appreaciate your support thank you, and as i said i am close to parents and would not like to keep them in dark for long, plus they always ask how mu love life is going and would rather not have to lie.