Competition Time!!!

Shiminay

Prize for the most original joke - points will be awarded for style, filth, graphic detail and of course the swimsuit section (I think some will do better than others in this bit).

What's the prize? I dunno, but there will be one!

Deadline - Friday at lunchtime (13:00 GMT).

Best of luck and all cheques can be made out to Davitt Waldron (i.e. ME!)

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
My page of stuff

Trojan

I win...

she's 5 days younger than me, perfect! I'm in love...

Al.

Shiminay

Alastair - if you didn't have such good taste, I'd have you banned from these boards!

Jokes please people not *just* pics of lovely ladies!!!

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
My page of stuff

Paladin

Two peanuts were walkind down an alley. One was asalted.

*bow*bow*
Thank you!

Zapper

How do you spot a blind man in a nudist camp?

it aint hard.

TwoShedsJackson

Two eggs in a frying pan, one turns to the other and says 'Christ it's hot in here!!' The other one says 'HOLY $HIT A TALKING EGG!!!!'

Take it

I just got a wooden car but it woodn't work!

Get it wooden as in wood aw i crack myself up



[This message has been edited by Take it (edited 25-05-2000).]

TwoShedsJackson

Fu<k off

Shiminay

Oh my good God. I actually meant this as a serious competition people, there is a prize! I've decided on it, but I want to keep it a surprise...

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
My page of stuff

WhiteWashMan

what goes hahahaha bump

a man laughing his head off.

Pretence

A Conversation over dinner:

WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?

MAN: Of course I do.

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

MAN: (makes audible groan)

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of
her?

MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?

MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.

WOMAN: - - - silence - - -

MAN: Sh1t!

Jak

www.boards.ie/bulletin/Forum16/HTML/000020.html


The Building site one.

JAK.

[This message has been edited by Jak (edited 26-05-2000).]

Cloud

Mary had a little lamb,
Whose fleece was white as snow,
But she still chopped him up and put him in the freezer.

Actually I vote for Castor Troy's joke!

DeVore

Buddist walks up to a hotdog vendor and says
"Make me one with everything"


Badooom-Tish! thank you thank you thank you....

DeV.

Trojan

(Tom, that is just so nineties!)

"I keep seeing spots before my eyes."

"Have you ever seen a doctor?"

"No, only spots."


Cha-ching

Shiminay

And the winner is....

Jak for his construction site one!

Jak - mail me for details of your prize!

We'll do another one again soon folks...

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
My page of stuff

Take it

but surly thats not original Castors joke is original and mine and a few others but that building site id heard before

Take(trying to stir things up)-it

TwoShedsJackson

Gah - I have been robbed of an unspecified prize. Kharn you shall be dealt with imminently.

Shiminay

If you're talking about the Eggs one - I first heard that 10 years ago, so it's by no means original

Anyway, I'm the boss so tough

Lucutus

What was the prize, and why wasn't my Randy, the rooster joke considered?

---

Lucutus of Borg

Shiminay

The prize is secret until Jak gets in contact with me.

Randy the Rooster's an old joke man

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
My page of stuff

Lucutus

*dumbfounded look* You mean someone else thought of that joke, exactly the same way I did, BEFORE me?!?!?!

Say it's not so!!!!

---

Lucutus of Borg

Trojan

Hey Dav I thought you were giving me the pron mag when you were finished!
No fair! Jak's gonna get it all sticky!!!

Shiminay

Lucutus: Another competition next week

Trojan: Shup ya fup!

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
My page of stuff

[This message has been edited by Kharn (edited 30-05-2000).]

Gamblor

What is green brown, has six legs and if it dropped from a tree it would kill u ?

a snooker tables

---

***** Feel my Evil Neon Claws *****

WhiteWashMan

2 biscuits were walking down the street
one turns to the other and says, 'so, are you going to show me where you live?'
and the other one replies, 'no you might steal my washing'

Jak

yay.

Monty - the one and only

The following letter was forwarded by someone who teaches at a small >
junior high school in Memphis, Tennessee.
The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had
sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.
This story is a credit to all humankind.

Read it, soak it in, and bask in the warm feeling that it leaves you
with.

Dear Reyer School:


God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior
citizen's luncheon.

I'm 94 years old and live at the Memphis County Home for the Aged. My
family has long since passed away and I rarely have visitors. As a
result, I have very limited contact with the outside world. This makes
your gift especially welcome.
My roommate, Maggie Cook, has had her own radio for as long as I've
known her.

She listens to it all the time, though usually with an earplug or with
the volume so low, I can't hear it.

For some reason, she has never wanted to share it.

Last Sunday morning, while listening to her morning gospel programs,
she accidentally knocked her radio off its shelf.

It smashed into many pieces, and caused her to cry. It was so sad.

Fortunately, I had my new radio.

Knowing this, Maggie asked if she could listen to mine.


I told her to go **** herself.


God bless you for your kindness to an old, forgotten lady.

Sincerely,

Edna Johnson

---

As i dont moderate this board I can laugh at decent jokes again

TwoShedsJackson

lol Chiefy

Hear about the man who was run down by a horse?

He's in a stable condition.

*arf*

Chief

C.T. m8.. we'll have none of those blindingly unfunny gags when your sober jokes please.. unless im drunk.. which i will be.. 2nite.. so .. i shall include that joke.. and gurantee a round of completely mad laughs.. NYOM

it sorta adds to jokes that include some amazing wans.. like..
whats brown and sticky? a stick..
whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff..
whats big, green and eats bicycles? a big green bicycle eater..
and whats big green and eats bicycle chains? a big green bycycle eater on a diet..
now.. at the mo these aint funny.. but at about 2:42am on saturday morning.. theyll be hilarious.. NOICE>.

C.T. m8 i will inform you of the success of the joke as well..
NOICE>
|Chiefy|...

Chief

How Many orange men does it take to slate a roof?
well..
it depends how thin ya slice the b4stards!


|Chiefy|...

TwoShedsJackson

Oi Chiefy, any decent reaction to the 'stable condition' gag, then? Or were ya too drunk to remember it

Shiminay

God damn! That was ages ago and here you are trawling through old posts - you must be bored CT

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
My page of stuff

TwoShedsJackson

very Kharn however I told that joke to a rapturous reaction last night (in the pub natch ), and that put me in mind of what Chief wrote a ways back.

TwoShedsJackson

took me a while to find it too, I searched for 'big green bicycle eater' before i thought of just searching for 'Chief'

Shiminay

LOL

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
My page of stuff

Mark_The_Whale

I know the contest is over, but still:

One cow says to another cow: How 'bout that mad cow disease. Wouldn't like to have that.
The other cow replies: I can't say that I have and opinion. I'm a tractor.

Probably heard it before, but I liked it.

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"**** it, we'll drink in the dark."

He, he.. love dat one

---

Mark the Whale. AKA Xavius the Whale.

TwoShedsJackson

!