NE1 got NE good jokes? postem 'ere!

Hoojah Nickabolokov

hey buddy
I need a little help here, can u help me? I'm havin' a bad day. I got into work this morning & my boss was runnin' around pis$in' all over the office with blood on his hands.Then everyone attacked me and started biting me and cursing and pinching me. Then after lunch they kicked me & told me I was a sissy and they tried to cut me & staple my ears to the table and OH NO! Not the hot poker......!!!! YYYAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

DeVore

Gosh I'd never have thought of that.
Thanks for the pointer

DeV.

Paladin

Ya see DeV is one of those business types, much like the aforementioned boss,
and if you didnt already know....
DEVORE IS EVIL!

Shiminay

Originally posted by Hoojah Nickabolokov:
hey buddy
I need a little help here, can u help me? I'm havin' a bad day. I got into work this morning & my boss was runnin' around pis$in' all over the office with blood on his hands.Then everyone attacked me and started biting me and cursing and pinching me. Then after lunch they kicked me & told me I was a sissy and they tried to cut me & staple my ears to the table and OH NO! Not the hot poker......!!!! YYYAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

Jerky Boys I do believe!

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
My page of stuff

Hoojah Nickabolokov

yeah, they're the bolloks

phobos

WTF is this thread about

OK, I have a joke:


This duck walks in to a bar, strolls up to the counter and says to the barman, "hey how about a pint and a club sandwich".

The barman stops, and in a drug fukked stare replies "But you're a duck".

DUCK: "yeah, well spotted, how's about that pint and a club sandwich".
BARMAN: "But you can talk", he said in a half frightened, yet curious tone
DUCK: "2 points for you. So you gonna give me that pint and club sandwich already!".

So the barman did, and for the next couple of weeks the same thing happened. The duck went in to the bar, ordered his pint and club sandwich, and both the barman and the duck really started to hit it off. It turned out the duck was in the construction business, and was doing some plastering for a new appartment complex just down the street. This of course amased the barman, but he chose not to express himself any further, and he and the duck continued as friends.

One day a man came in to the bar, and got chatting to the barman. He said he was in the entertainment business and was opening the circus across the street in a day or two. The barman thought to himself for a minute, and said

"I've got this buddy of mine, he's a duck, and he can talk".

The man was kinda taken back by all of this, and was reluctant to belive it initially. But the barman insisted it to be true, and said that he would send the duck over, as soon as he popped in for his pint and club sandwich.

A few hours later, in walks the duck, and the barman raced over.

BARMAN: "Hey you'll never guess what, I met the man opening the circus across the street in a couple of days, and he sound pretty interested in meeting you. He might have some work".

DUCK: "You mean that tent shaped building across the street with the hole in the roof?"

BARMAN: "Yeah"

DUCK: "What the hell am supposed to plaster there!"


BOOM BOOM!!, now I'm going to let myself quietly out, because ye ba$tards wasted my time already, and this is what yez get in return

;-phobos-)

GoneShootin

applaud phobos on his use of color and formatting of text. so nice

phobos

Oh my GOD I don't know what to say. Well I knew from an early age I had a creative flair, well that's what my mom used to tell me.

But who would have know that years later I could still do it. Oh I'm brilliant

I would like to take this time to thank my parents, Jesus Christ, God, and all my fans. Oh and I nearly forgot, all those down at crayola, I couldn't have done it without you guys (*sniff*), and especially to Genine who used to bring me my coffee in the morning. But unfortunately she died in a freak colouring accident. She will be missed.

;-phobos-)
PS: Is that sarcastic enough for ya. Now shut da fuk up, and give me my motherfukkin award!, ye lightweights :rolleyes:

Terran

I know a very funny series of jokes but being on holiday I can't remember them for the life of me.

It was something like "50 things you don't want to be hit in the head with" and went on to list 50 halarious things and some really simple things that are funny when you put them into the context of being hit over the head with. (Like a kitchen sink).

Sparkle

When are you really full of confidence? .............. If you fart having diarrhoea.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.

What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
They both circle Uranus looking for Black Holes.

What's the definition of mixed emotions?
When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What's a hindu?
Lays eggs

What do you call a man with no arms or legs that can swim across a pool?
Clever Dick

~ Enjoy!

Spiffing

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

A left ear, a right ear, and a final frontier!

*groan*

Terran

Groan groan..... ARRRGGGHHHH.... Groan....