How to get my friend to forgive me.

Piste

Yesterday I had this huge fight with my friend(A). It started way back before Christmas. Myself and S (my other friend who is also fighting with A) decided tov do somethnig we couldn't tyell A about. We joked about it in front of her niot thinking she'd find out but she did eventually and was totally cool with what we wrere doing but extremely pissed off that we didn't tell her.

Now myself and S did some more stuff we couldn't tell A about. Even more serious than before and we knew she DEFINITELY could not find out or she'd stop being our friend. So yesterday we were walking into town and S made a small reference to it and I started laughing. A flipped. She got so mad and asked us what we were laughing at but I told her it was nothing but she kept at it. I finally admitted that, yeah it was something but I couldn't tell her the truth. It was obvious to her that I wasn't going to tell her so she went home and cried.

S and I felt really bad about her but knew we absolutely COULD NOT tell her. We came up with a false story we would tell her which explained evertything. So last night I was on msn with our other friend and she invited A in. A was like 'tell me the truth' so I told her the story S and I had come up with.

Unbeknownst to me, S had told A the whole truth earlier and I was left lying to A. For about five minutes we kept this up, her telling me to tell her the truth and me maintaing my original story. Finally she told me what S had said which hit me like a slap in the face. It also left me looking a lot worse than S for keeping up the lie for longer.

Later on I rang S. She explained to me why she had to tell the truth and I know she'd been having an awful time at home and it was a good reason why she had to tell the truth so I wasn't annoyed with her.

So now I'm left on good terms with S, who, I think, is on better terms than me with A. I am also left with A who is one of my vbest friends along with S feeling hurt and betrayed. I've apologised all I can but I know she is still very upset. She texted me and told me how upset she was and today on msn, we weren't talking, she changed her screen name to 'Why do people lie? Escpecially to their friends? I dont know do you?!' then she typed up a blank screen so all I could see was her screen name and I told her I got it and I was sorry but she signed off. Last night she told S I made out the fight to be her fault, but earlier I had read the whole msn conversation to S so she knew it wasn't true.

What do I do now? Is there anything I can say to make things better ro should I just leave her? She is one of my best friends and I love her very much, I don't want to loose her.


Thanks for taking the time to read this if you did.

Amz

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive ...

I don't know how you can expect to be considered a friend if you're lying to them. None of you seem to be honest with each other and from the sounds of things "A" would be better off without you if you're treating her like this.

Keeping things from her, then referring to them in front of her, no matter how covert you try to be, will end up in trouble. She'll know something's up unless she's a complete fool and from the sounds of things she's not.

You say she's one of your best friends, maybe it would have been an idea for you to treat her like that. To have a friend you've to be a friend.

All you can do is apologise and explain your motives and if she forgives you well and good if not, you've only yourself and your dishonesty to blame.

Piste

I know the lying was wrong but the thing was the lie, if it hadn't had been found out would have hurt less people than the truth. We lied to protect her. It was so stupid.




Edit: She just said she might forgive me.......

Sarky

It does rather make me wonder why you went behind her back in the first place, knowing what would happen if she found out.

You screwed up, badly. You seem to realise it yourself. There's nothing you can do to change the fact you abused your friend's trust, and then did it again. The best you can do is accept it and learn from it. Harsh, perhaps, but such is life.

If she's the friend you claim she is, she should eventually get over it enough to listen to you, and you can try to patch things up. But that'll take time. I'd advise you to get used to it for a while. Don't try to fix things over MSN or text message, or anything besides face to face. Text can be misunderstood without a face and body language.

Meet her in person and try to work things out. You might want the third party around as well to get everything absolutely clear. You were both in the wrong, and trying to lift the blame even slightly won't help. Bite the bullet and accept your mistakes. If you're genuinely sorry about everything, maybe you can salvage things.

Beyond that, there's little you can do about it. Isn't life grand?

NeMiSiS

Oh my God Knots Landing.
Tom

Chinafoot

to be honest with you i dont see how you can call her one of your best friends. if you were up to stuff that you didnt want her to know about, why you even considering mentioning it in front of her? no wonder she "flipped". if my "mates" were talking about stuff like that in front of me and laughing about it, then refusing to tell me i'd be pretty píssed off too.

when theres two of you at it, shes going to feel very much forced out of the group and thats not a nice feeling. it all sounds very very immature and the three of you need to sit down and talk face to face.

out of interest....how old are the three of you?

lacuna

Why, if you knew you couldn't tell A about what you were doing with S, did you joke about it in front of her? If it was that important and you definitly didn't want her to know, would you not have been more careful about saying anything about it around her? She had already found out before about something you were trying to keep from her and you knew that she didn't like being left out. If you really loved her, as you say, would you not have had more regard for her feelings? And if you were sorry for doing it the first time, why did you do it again? Isn't part of apologising implying that you won't knowingly do it again? What's the point in saying sorry if you go and do it a couple of days later?

I know that doesn't help you now, but it's probably something to bear in mind for the future.

Sangre

Sounds like the work of a bunch immature bitchy two faced 15 year old girls. You did something that would really piss her off and then joked about it in front of her in 'code'? Are you ****ing kidding me? You have no right to call this person a friend, both you and S seem to be fond of betrayal, she even betrayed you. She could have easily told you before you started lieing but obviously wanted you to come off worse.
Basically all you can do is completely apologise and hope in time that she'll learn to forgive you two.
I have always believed in general that girls/women are much more sly, bitchy and two-faced, probably because they never they get the beatings they deserve for it.

Chinafoot

Sangre wrote:

.
I have always believed in general that girls/women are much more sly, bitchy and two-faced, probably because they never they get the beatings they deserve for it.

unfortunately theres a lot of truth in that but thankfully not every woman is the same.

these girls definitely sound like immature brats. talking in front of her like that was just spiteful and nasty. sounds like she'd be better off out of the situation.

you should learn from this and treat any future friends a lot better than you treated her if you intend to keep them.

pickarooney

I'm pretty sure Gummybearz is about 13, if that changes the context at all.

I can make no sense of the story, to be honest.

Skellington

as todd flanders once said "lies make baby jesus cry"

she'll talk to ya when shes ready. just remember to not be so stupid next time by laughin about stuff, ya dont want her to find out about, in front of her.

goin'_to_the_PS

no offence but some friends you are. she will forgive you in time just don't text her every day saying sorry

The_Conductor

My head hurt trying to see the logic in the story.....
A moral to follow for the future- And Ye Harm None, Do As Ye Will.
Perhaps you may think twice in future about how you treat your "friends".

elivsvonchiaing

Give it 20 years - you'll both think it's a blast you bumped into each other again, forget the past - and become friends again! The downside is then you'll be old like me

Miles

What were you doing that was so bad that you had to lie to her?

tinkerbell

If I was A, I wouldn't call you a friend at all. You say she is your best friend yet you had a major secret / scheme with S, didn't want A to know, and so joked about it in A's face in a sly way so that she wouldn't know what ye were talking about but would know that ye weren't gonna tell her.

That's really really lousy, and she's probably better off being annoyed at ye and not being yer friend anymore. That, and S going off telling her without telling you, and letting you get in more crap than you already were - then that doesn't say much about S either. From the sounds of it, like someone else said, you two betrayed A and then S betrayed you, what kinda friends do you call each other if betrayal is what you base your friendship on?

Canis Lupus

If u were my friend and a bloke I'd kick yur ass for acting the d*** with me like that. But then I also remember u posting yur real age somewhere before so therefore read Sangre's post. He seems to have the real situation figured there.

Say sorry, nuff said and if I know the way girls yur age act I have a feeling that next week there will be a similar story with S or yourself as the "betrayed" one. Sheesh.... girls....

PRE_10_DER

me thinks there should be 2 stipulations to use Boards from now on..

A) You must have past puberty
You must not be a dumbass teenager(girls are the WORST!!)

me also thinks you should do your ''friend'' a favour and never speak to her again

Ren0

So theres a complex conspiracy involving U your friend S and your other friend A?

You know what i see?!

USA

Dammit, the americans are at it again!

_________________________________________________________________

Anywho, the whole thing depends on how serious the "thing that you couldn't tell your friend about" in your silly little story was.

Maybe she has a right to be angry.

But to be honest i think you should leave her to make up her mind. You are at fault here, you obviously arent much of a friend, and S is very sneaky, and also a scumbag, she cheated you and A. Kick her to the kerb.

Amz

A great model of maturity you are PRE_10_DER.

Should we should hold you aloft as the beacon of insight and logic for all of boardskind?

Try and show a bit more cop on before making sweeping statements. You seem to have a short memory. I'm pretty sure when you were 15 the sun shone out of the arse of girls like Gummybearz!!, S and A.

elivsvonchiaing

PRE_10_DER wrote:

me thinks there should be 2 stipulations to use Boards from now on..

A) You must have past puberty
You must not be a dumbass teenager(girls are the WORST!!)

me also thinks you should do your ''friend'' a favour and never speak to her again

'Tis unfair imho - give her at least 15 years before you talk to her again though - 'Course she just might read this thread and forgive you right away - this is unknowable though!

I'm inclined to raise drinking-age to 21 - but I'm a genuine fascist! Funny how I didn't have this opinion when I was 19

elivsvonchiaing

Amz wrote:

A great model of maturity you are PRE_10_DER.

Should we should hold you aloft as the beacon of insight and logic for all of boardskind?

Try and show a bit more cop on before making sweeping statements. You seem to have a short memory. I'm pretty sure when you were 15 the sun shone out of the arse of girls like Gummybearz!!, S and A.

I wish to add to previous posts... I've had such situations - some I've hooked up with again -years later, some weeks later - it's not the end of the world! Don't depend that your circle of friends now will be the same in 10 years! People just move on is what this is about! Go with the flow - don't hold yourself responsible when more than one other party breaks up a relationship!

:Could probably get gaol for this - but feel it's worth it :cool: Amz How about unbanning me from the English Forum?

weemcd

Sangre wrote:

Sounds like the work of a bunch immature bitchy two faced 15 year old girls. You did something that would really piss her off and then joked about it in front of her in 'code'? Are you ****ing kidding me? You have no right to call this person a friend, both you and S seem to be fond of betrayal, she even betrayed you. She could have easily told you before you started lieing but obviously wanted you to come off worse.
Basically all you can do is completely apologise and hope in time that she'll learn to forgive you two.
I have always believed in general that girls/women are much more sly, bitchy and two-faced, probably because they never they get the beatings they deserve for it.

omfg

that is the best, most down to earth, no bullsh|t honnest reply I have seen on boards in a long time. Jesus man, imo that is the best post this year so far. Unfortunatly I am at the age (16) where muppetry among girls my age is similar to the behaviour of Gummybearz, especially the exciting lives they live of falling out and not talking to each other twice a week. A good kickin would do some of them the world of good! They're not all bad though some just go for older sleazy cúnts with a car and let people know how mature they are.

Sangre

weemcd wrote:

omfg

that is the best, most down to earth, no bullsh|t honnest reply I have seen on boards in a long time. Jesus man, imo that is the best post this year so far.

Thats because I was banned for a long time

Tbh, girls that age in general are just horrible, horrible people, it seems that girls bond best when they are being a bitch to another girl, however, the bitchers and the bitchees are always changing. Although girls mature out of this a lot quicker than boys get over the whole one-up-manship etc., they're so fond of.

tSubh Dearg

I was in a similar situation when I was 14 or so but I was in A's place. I thought that I could never forgive my friends for their betrayal. But what made it a bit better was a handwritten letter from one of my friends explaining the whole situation in an honest manner and why she had done what she did. Maybe doing something similar would work for you.

In a side note I rarely see either of these friends anymore though I do see the one who wrote the letter more than the one who did nothing...your circle of friends changes a lot as you get older.

azezil

Tell her you need to explain, then when you start get really upset, tears and hugs all round, if she asks again pour on the water works again.

Works every time :cool:

Camerafast

You shouldn't have done anything behind her back in the firstplace really,and if you were why did you say somthing infront of her?You should just told her when she asked.But whats done is done. I suggest going to her in person a leaving a ultamatum if she doesn't forgive you within the next 2 weeks="All I can do is say sorry,and if sorry is not good enough nothing will be."I suggest saying that to her in person.Before that you should also explain why kept it from her,and that you only kept it from her to protect her.Hope she forgives you.

Camerafast

Sangre wrote:

Thats because I was banned for a long time

Tbh, girls that age in general are just horrible, horrible people, it seems that girls bond best when they are being a bitch to another girl, however, the bitchers and the bitchees are always changing. Although girls mature out of this a lot quicker than boys get over the whole one-up-manship etc., they're so fond of.

I have just read your reply and I'm appalled.No-one deseveres to be beaten and what you have just said is on whole sexist.Admitly teenage girls are pretty posiononus,I should know,I am one but they grow out of it.Sure your reply is no crap but moaning at her about what she did won't help her,she asked for advice and you just moan at her?

StupidLikeAFox

Camerafast wrote:

......,she asked for advice and you just moan at her?

oh, thats a bit kinky!

What the others said. If you can't see it already, going behind your friends back is bad enough but making references to it in front of her is 10 times worse. It's mean and spiteful and would have made her feel left out, wondering why you couldn't share your 'secret'. You don't deserve to have her as your friend. If you had done that to me, I wouldn't talk to you anymore. Who needs enemies with friends like you?

Sangre

Camerafast wrote:

I have just read your reply and I'm appalled.No-one deseveres to be beaten and what you have just said is on whole sexist.Admitly teenage girls are pretty posiononus,I should know,I am one but they grow out of it.Sure your reply is no crap but moaning at her about what she did won't help her,she asked for advice and you just moan at her?

Im not here to be a shoulder to cry or here to give her a pat on a back and 'it'll all be okay'. She isnt getting any sympathy from me here.

I like the way you call me a sexist then go on to repeat the sexist comment about girls. I also like the fact you repeated what I said about how they mature.

Sangre wrote:

Basically all you can do is completely apologise and hope in time that she'll learn to forgive you two.

I guess my advice was too stuble first time round, so here is something a little more obvious:
Dont be such a two faced bitch in future.

Or maybe my 'sexist' comments caused you to go into a feminazi rage and you decided you needn't bother reading all of my post. Shame.

Have a nice day.

Sangre

Camerafast wrote:

I suggest going to her in person a leaving a ultamatum if she doesn't forgive you within the next 2 weeks="All I can do is say sorry,and if sorry is not good enough nothing will be."I suggest saying that to her in person.

Omfg that is just priceless, giving her an ultimatum on time allowed to forgive her? This girl has no rights in this situation, none, whatsoever, ever. She can only apologise, explain and wait to see what happens, whether it takes a day or a year to forgive her. Of course she doesn't have to be calling her everyday, give her space but keep in touch.
I don't think I'll bother commenting much on that fact the offer of an ulitimatum is probably not the wisest way to get someone's forgiveness, to put it mildly.

Slutmonkey57b

Gummybearz:
Admit it.

You typedef'd her sister. And S is the sister.

Davey Devil

If your "friend" had any sense she would never forgive you. It sounds to me like you wanted to get cought out by teasing her with little bits of information. Why would you want to do this? I'd say it's because you are lacking something in your life and wanted to feel important by having this information that your "friend" didn't have.

I suggest you grow up quickly or else you won't have any friends left.

Lafortezza

Gummybearz!!! wrote:

Myself and S (my other friend who is also fighting with A) decided tov do somethnig we couldn't tyell A about. We joked about it in front of her niot thinking she'd find out but she did eventually and was totally cool with what we wrere doing but extremely pissed off that we didn't tell her.

Now myself and S did some more stuff we couldn't tell A about. Even more serious than before and we knew she DEFINITELY could not find out or she'd stop being our friend.

What did you do that you couldn't tell her about?
Does it involve lesbianism? Cos in my mind it does...

Canis Lupus

lafortezza, gummybearz is like 13 or something. Are u telling us yur having thoughts of under age lesbianism?

Zulu

PRE_10_DER wrote:

me thinks there should be 2 stipulations to use Boards from now on..

A) You must have past puberty
You must not be a dumbass teenager(girls are the WORST!!)

me also thinks you should do your ''friend'' a favour and never speak to her again

That's about the funniest thing I've ever seen on boards! :rolleyes:
I should reference some of your own posts here...

koneko

I'm sorry, but seriously, I don't know what the hell is going on. You did something, blah blah, we don't know what it is, we don't know how serious it is, we don't know how much you hurt your friend as we don't know what you did. It's all FAR too vague to even tell what on earth is going on.

Soap operas for teenage girls. Dramatics and speaking in code. Apologise to her and mean it, and keep apologising for acting like a twat. She probably won't forgive you, why should she, you're supposed to be friend and you're leaving her out of all sorts of things and making jokes about it around her. Imagine, you're hanging out with friends, people you THINK are friends anyway, and they start giggling and looking over at you, but keeping saying BS like "oh sorry... we can't talk about it". Of course she feels crap.

Trojan

Wow. It's now sexist to say that girls are more b!tchy than guys?

Please subscribe me to the newsletter so that I know the latest politically incorrectness.

Hey, we could have a "Politically Incorrect Word of the Day"

Amz

Piffle.

Camerafast

I was not offended by your "Girls are evil" but the fact that you think that they all should be beaten?Have you any idea whats that like?All your sense of dignaty is stripped from you instanly,and you think you'll never trust anyone again,so next time you decided that all women should be beaten be careful where you say it.

Canis Lupus

Camerafast wrote:

I was not offended by your "Girls are evil" but the fact that you think that they all should be beaten?Have you any idea whats that like?All your sense of dignaty is stripped from you instanly,and you think you'll never trust anyone again,so next time you decided that all women should be beaten be careful where you say it.

WHAT? Do u mean to say you thought sangre was being serious when he said that??

lol.

Camerafast

If he did not mean it why did he say it?And if he was messing then why didn't he put in the sarcastic sign?Some things are not meant to be joked about.

Sangre

Im referring to the fact, if you **** up bad, a guy will usually get you the beating he deserves, at least a punch in the face, especially when younger. Ergo, men learn boundaries a lot quicker and are much warier to cross.

camerafast wrote:

Have you any idea whats that like?All your sense of dignaty is stripped from you instanly,and you think you'll never trust anyone again,so next time you decided that all women should be beaten be careful where you say it.

What the hell are you blabbering about?

Beruthiel

lets keep it on topic folks
B

Beruthiel

Camerafast wrote:

If he did not mean it why did he say it?And if he was messing then why didn't he put in the sarcastic sign?Some things are not meant to be joked about.

Camerafast
have a read of the forum Charter please
B

Kevin_rc_ie

I have always believed in general that girls/women are much more sly, bitchy and two-faced, probably because they never they get the beatings they deserve for it.

interesting insight.