Exam Funnies

Pretence

The following questions and answers were collated from last
year's GCSE's. Some students must think that, if you don't
know an answer, you might get some marks by making the poor examiners
smile.
What is the Fibula?
A small lie.

What is artificial respiration commonly known as?
The kiss of death.

Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
Premature death.

How can you delay milk turning sour?
Keep it in the cow.

How are the main parts of the body categorised? (E.g. abdomen.) The body is
consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal
cavity. The branium contains the brain,the borax contains the heart and
lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.

Briefly describe the skeleton and its function in the body.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to
hitch the meat onto.

Describe how flowers are most commonly fertilised.
1. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
2. Germination is the process of becoming a German.
3. Fertilisation is the fussing of the male with the female garments.

What does "varicose" mean?
Nearby.

What is the alimentary canal?
The alimentary canal is where Dr Watson drowned.

What is a coma?
A coma is a punctual mark a bit like a period or full stop.

What is a seizure?
A Roman emperor.

Technology
What is a turbine?
Something an Arab wears on his head.

History
What is Britain's highest award for valour in war?
Nelson's column.

Who did not welcome the return of the prodigal son?
The fatted calf.

Name some famous pilgrimages.
Muslims used to go to Gamages but now it's closed.
Christians still go on pilgrimage to Lord's.

Geography
Name the four seasons.
Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

What is the equator?
A menagerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.

Name a greenhouse gas. What could be done to decrease global warming?
Cows make large amounts of methane when they fart.
This could be reduced by fitting them with catalytic
converters.

Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

What is a morbid state?
A stage in a take-over, when a bigger offer is made.

Physics
What is momentum?
What you give a body when they are going away.

What is a vacuum.
A large empty space where the pope lives.

What is a magnet?
Something you find crawling on a dead cat.

English
Define the word "monotony."
Monotony is being married to the same person all your life.

Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

What does the word "benign" mean?
Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

What is the correct use of a semi-colon?
Only to be used as a last resort, a semi-colon is a partial
removal of the intestines.